"The Shadow", as a Weapon

As I have stated before, I was seeing a psychiatrist when I was nine. I could not face any kind of social life, so I refused to go to school. I either spent my days hiding out on top of my Grandparent's shed, or in the wonderful hills and rocks above my home.

I have never been social, always disliked parties, and have avoided large groups. When I decided to start writing and sharing my spiritual musings on Facebook, it was a big step. I really shouldn't say I "decided ", because the pull of Love has deemed it so, and I really have no choice but to share.

I knew when I came to Facebook that I would be challenged. As I have said repeatedly, I do not hold any degree, or even a high school diploma. True, I do have a year of collage, having past the entrance exams, but remain undereducated in contrast to many of my Facebook friends. My college studies were mostly based around psychology courses, as I had hopes of becoming a teacher, but the social side made college trying, and I soon left the academic world.

My years of psychiatric inquiry, which, as I said, started at nine, and the courses I took added to a good understanding of what makes people, particularly me, tick. By the time I was twelve, I had a good handle on the concepts of repression, regression, denial and projection. I was alarmingly open.

I have found that in the spiritual community, the non-dual community in particular, projection has become a facet of self-inquiry. The concept of each of "us " projecting the "other " has become an "article of the faith " in non-duality. This projection, as conceived by Freud, was later named "The Shadow ", by Carl Jung, and adapted by Ken Wilber in a kind of spiritual psychology. It is a wonderful way of self examination, and has great benefits when used properly for self inquiry. It has, unfortunately, been turned around and become a kind of spiritual weapon.

In the last couple of days, this weapon has been turned on me twice, by those who are unwilling to look at themselves and their actions. This is, of course, OK, as no one needs to look at themselves if they don't want to. I will admit to being frank. I am Asperger's, and I will tell you things others won't. Honesty and integrity are very important to me. I pull no punches, either with myself or others. I have seen, and continue to see the ugliness in my life, my actions, and my thoughts. Sometimes it isn't pretty, but I could not live without full discovery.

The "weapon " aspect of projection, (the Shadow), comes in when someone is told an observation that they don't like, or want to deny. The first reaction is to throw "The Shadow " at the observer and dismiss the observation as a projection of the "others " own faults. This has become very common, and is often used by the self proclaimed "enlightened ". If it is pointed out that what is seen is not indicative of an "awakening " or "enlightenment ", "The Shadow " is thrown. This was demonstrated byRamesh Balsekar in his infamous sex scandal, and in the subsequent defense of his actions byWayne Liquorman, Ramesh's protégé. This is not what "The Shadow " is for.

"The Shadow "; projection, is a method of self-inquiry. It is not for making judgments of "others " observations. First, there really are no "others ", so any observations are only appearing out of the One. Looking deeply into ourselves, and seeing our fears and doubts cast upon "others " is deep work, and is a "lifetime ", ongoing process. It is useful and can bring about understanding. But the use of it as a "weapon ", has just the opposite effect. It says, "I do not have to take advice or criticism seriously, as I am "enlightened ", so it is just their inadequacies being projected onto me.", "I did not have sex with a student, or behave unprofessionally, or resort to name calling, it's your "Shadow " that sees this."

This throwing of "The Shadow " is not only a weapon against criticism, it is a weapon against our self, and it's spiritual development. We need to, if we are honest, look at our motives, question our thoughts, and see deeply inward. Even if we see ourselves as "enlightened " (which is often, if not always, a stumbling block in itself), we must be vigilant. "Awakening " itself brings this about. The "awakened " becomes the observer. Inner details become obvious, flaws are seen and accepted, not "thrown " at "others ". The proclamation of no faults, all bliss, should be a red flag to any coming in contact with such an "enlightened ".

Many of the self proclaimed "enlightened " remind me of the lyrics from the Steely Dan song; "Reelin' in the Years" ; "You been tellin' me you're a genius Since you were seventeen In all the time I've known you I still don't know what you mean". If you question one of these "enlightened " about their "enlightenment ", you had better duck, "The Shadow " will be thrown. Question your own "Shadow ", by all means, but if you throw it, you need to really question that. With openness, you need no weapons, just Love.

Peace

Offering False Hope

On Sunday I put up a Note called "Enlightenment and Depression." It was about those who suffer with clinical/chemical depression, and how by seeing through the body/mind, it is still possible to live as Love. It was well received, and many resonated with it's message.

The following day, another Facebook friend, put up a Note saying that "enlightenment " or "awakening " could turn that around, and even suggested that the DNA could be changed. I must admit that this Note made me rather angry. Regardless of the language, which basically called those with depression, people with a "victim mentality ", it was the offering of false hope that upset me.

It was my intention to let people with depression (myself included) know that "awakening " is happening "right now " in the present moment, even in the face of apparent depression. I wanted to say that Love is what you are, even if sadness, even despair, is present in your mind. In my Note of response, I questioned why someone who claims "awakening " could make such a hollow promise of hope.

The first response I received from the writer, was "An ugly distortion by a depressed mind ". Not a very kind remark, but it made me laugh, coming from one who makes a point of touting his "love and compassion ". The personal remarks aside, he later wrote that "my writing is meant to offer hope." And therein lie the rub! Hope is holding out a carrot of some future event that will make "everything blissful and pristine ". Not going to happen!

There is only the present; the past and future being only in the mind. To offer hope is to make a false promise of "change", even a change in DNA, in some imaginary future. Hope lives only in the future! Even the Christ had his agony in the Garden of Gethsemane, and turned it into acceptance. He asked the Father to remove it from him, but he knew it must be endured and accepted. His suffering in the face of being an actual victim, did not give him a "victim mentality", it gave him the opportunity to accept and surrender. Depression gives us such an opportunity.

To offer false hope, when acceptance of what is, is the only answer, is cruel. and misguided. Like hope, Depression lives only in the mind. Living in the heart accepts the "externals ", pleasant, or not. Pleasant or unpleasant are only judgments of the mind, and have no power over the understanding that Love is what you are.

Peace

Enlightenment and Depression

What? What's that you say? Depression, enlightenment , in the same sentence? How can that be? Isn't "enlightenment " supposed to be a "cure " for depression? No, it's not, but the two work together in a very mysterious and wonderful way.

I am not talking here about the "blues ", or some momentary setback or disappointment, but genuine clinical depression, the kind that leads to despair and suicide. And I don't want to forget anxiety, depression's companion and playmate. What do these have to do with enlightenment? They seem the opposite of "enlightenment ", the very kind of thing that many seek enlightenment to "save " them from.

This is one of the reasons that I so dislike the "once enlightenment takes place there is peace of mind " crowd. Sure, if you are one of the "normal " people with a regular neurology, "NT's", or "neurotypicals", as we Asperger's folks call the rest of you, some kind of enlightenment may bring peace of mind. But to us, who suffer clinical depression; neurological depression, enlightenment brings understanding. In fact, I have found that the neurological kind of depression may indeed bring about the "shift " that is so necessary for enlightenment to take place. We are "special " people, and our differences, including our depression, are our "special gift "; a grace waiting to be discovered.

How can I call a neurological depression and anxiety a gift? Once it is discovered that depression; neurological depression and anxiety, is present, it is discovered that it is a chemical process; part of the body. The body/mind we appear to be "born " with is a complete system of functions, mostly unconscious. We can dismiss it as an "illusion ", but it's reality is part of the functioning of the whole. If you prick it, does it not bleed? Among the functions of this complex mechanism are both the personality, and the way it perceives the world. Enlightenment does not necessarily change the personality, only the perception.

This is why we have so many different kinds of Gurus. The personality is part of the body/mind complex. It lives until the body dies and ceases functioning. It's something we have to put up with in our "acceptance ". It will be gone soon enough.

But to get back to the "gift " of depression and anxiety. Many people are treated for neurological depression with drugs. This works for a certain number of cases, but not all. The drugs work because they trigger endorphins, those little "happy making " hormones in the chemical body. This process makes clear to the mind that the "depression " or "anxiety " is simply a functioning of the body.

When one looks at this kind of depression, it becomes apparent that there is depression and anxiety, without "external cause ". But until this is discovered, the mind thinks it "feels " depressed and anxious, when it is really only a bodily function. The mind usurps the feeling and starts to desperatelyseek a cause. "It's my horrible Wife or Husband. " "It's my boss or job " "I'm a terrible person, and deserve no better " Any number of possibilities arise in the mind. It's as if you stub your toe, and blame the pain on your personality or character.

The "gift " comes in the seeing that the depression is simply a "happening ", and has no relationship toyou. Sure, it still "feels " bad. It still hurts. But now you are actually able to stand to the side of it, and watch it. "There is the depression again, but it's not me. " "These thoughts of anger and personal judgment are all in the mind. " "I am not my thoughts." It's that body, that "guy" in the dream that hurts, and not ME. " The "me " being the reality you are, the "I am ". Right understanding of depression and anxiety, can take you beyond the "I am ". This is it's "gift ", it's wonder.

For the last few decades, I have lived as Love alone. In the last 20 years it has been an unshakable conviction. The depression still continues, but is seen for what it is. I am able to live without medication, because I understand who and what I am. I am that unshakable Love and Awareness that is neither born or dies. I have described my anticipation of death as being like a child anticipating Christmas. Now you know why.

Somewhere I read the idea of the body as being like a wheel that is rolling down hill. It keeps going based on momentum. It keeps going until it either hits something, or loses it's momentum. Our body/mind contains the vital force, the personality and the thoughts. When it stops functioning, it is simply gross matter. To escape the body is to be totally free, provided there is awareness of the Self; that unfolding wholeness that we are.

This is the "purpose" of life, if we are to accept there is any purpose at all, this discovery of the Self. So many seekers who are looking for peace of mind, find that they get so far, and then find depression, anxiety, and other distractions that they consider "backsliding ". They say, "Oh, I can't have found the answer, I'm not "enlightened", because I'm depressed or anxious." But this isn't so. Perhaps among the "neurotypicals ", there is constant "bliss " in enlightenment, I could not tell you. But what I can tell you is that it is possible to constantly "behold the face of "God ", even through the physical and mental depths of depression and anxiety, when it is seen clearly that you are not the depression, but the observer of it. The depression and anxiety can itself become the Guru, the awakening to that "shift " of consciousness that takes you to Love. I have no doubt that I am Love, and I wait with great Joy for Christmas.

Peace

Which Came First?

I want to toss around a few things here and see if and how they land. This morning I read somewhere the idea that Love, among other things, like wisdom and joy are simply byproducts of clear seeing; seeing through separation. This would seem to be in line with Nisargadatta Maharaj's famous quote, which I use all the time:

"When I see that I am nothing, I call that wisdom. When I see that I am everything, I call that Love. Between the two, my life continually flows."

That statement would seem to confirm that Love and Wisdom are indeed byproducts, or at least the results of seeing through separation. But is this really true? Lets have a look.

I think that we can at least assume that Love, joy, and Divine Wisdom are beyond the mind; not describable in words. If we can box in Love, joy, or Divine Wisdom, in our words, concepts or thoughts, they are not the genuine article; the genuine article being indefinable.

"When I see that I am nothing ", "When I see that I am everything ". That certainly sounds like clear seeing; seeing through separation. And it is. But does the "seeing " come before the Love, joy andDivine Wisdom, or is the clear "seeing " a byproduct of Love, joy, and Divine Wisdom?

I would propose that the Love, joy, and Divine Wisdom must come first. Clear seeing is not available to the mind. Clear seeing lives only in Love. Joy and Divine Wisdom are the byproducts of Love only, all being beyond mind. The mind, of course, wants to come first. It will try to usurp the Love, joyand Divine Wisdom, and try to present them as it's byproducts; it's "discovery ".

This false belief that the mind is "seeing " through separation is one of the pitfalls of "spirituality without spirit ", that I have referred to in previous writings. As soon as the heart opens to Love, joy, or Divine Wisdom , and the truth is reveled, the mind, like a hidden snake, sneaks in and grabs the "awakening ". Love, being our very nature, the "very form of "God" ", as Ramana Maharshi put it, is the only place where no separation exists, all else being dualist. This is not available to the mind, but the mind tries to claim it.

The late, and loving American Jnani, Robert Adams took this idea even further, in that he felt it was valuable to "worship " the "absolute " as "God " in form. He expressed that worshiping (Loving) a formless "God " would not produce sufficient energy:

" if you worship God without form, the energy is not as strong. For what kind of a God are you worshipping? An invisible God that has no form, no shape. Therefore, you have doubts. You are not too sure. And, the energy you send out is not that strong. But when you worship God as form, you can give that God all of your energy, or totally Surrender ( to that particular deity.) That is the purpose of worship. To finally, totally, surrender your ego, your pride, your body, your affairs, your life, to that deity. And then, ‘You’ ( as divine Self rather than human person) become that deity, itself."

This "energy " that Robert is talking about is Love itself. Only through Loving can we "be " Love. Only through practicing Love (silence, devotion, service) can we step into the unseen realm of Love itself. We can practice all the mind games and "awareness " tecniques that we like, but to allow that the mind is quieting itself, illuminating itself, is to follow a road that leads only back to the mind, and not beyond it.

Here, in this teaching that has been given me by Grace, there is difficulty in this idea of "God " in form. Robert Adams believed that "the importance of loyalty to one Teacher in personal reverence and practice " results in "powerful practical results in life." He went so far as to say that:

"Worshiping God in the form of Sat Guru or in the form of a Buddha or a Christ, whichever, is even better."

To many, the personal "God " in form, becomes a stumbling block. The Guru "as "God " also leads many astray. This is why seeing Love only is the start of understanding. You can look at it as "God's Love " if that helps, but to see something "personal " in the universal , unconditional Love is an error. We, the world and the whole of the universe are not nouns,, but a verb. We are not a "thing", but life itself.

But this "argument " with Robert is a small one. We both see that Love, devotion and "worship " are vital to any awakening. To simply say that Love, joy and Divine Wisdom are "byproducts " of clear "seeing " is to believe the deception that the mind "saw it first ".

We open our hearts by Loving, as that is what the heart does. No matter how "clearly " we can explain the mind's "discovery ", it will not open the heart, Love being the only key. Love in Silence(contemplation), and Love in action (service) are the shortest route to "awakening ". The mind with all it's clever words, concepts and ideas will try to tell you that, with it, you can, and indeed you have discovered "truth ", but it is simply deceiving you by swapping a vision it couldn't understand, for one it makes up.

Make no mistake, the mind exists in Love, not Love in the mind. Clear "seeing " results from Love. Everything is a "byproduct " of Love, including this "clear seeing ".

Peace