Ahimsananda

Limitless

2011-08-16T14:57:00.000-07:00

Only a Monarch Butterfly caterpillar will turn into a Monarch butterfly. There are over twenty thousand species of butterfly on the planet, and only the Monarch caterpillar will turn into a Monarch butterfly. To think of all the varieties of personality and character that each of us is imprinted with, or have created, the varieties of "expression" in "enlightenment " are truly limitless.

Limitless is a good way to look at this, as limitless is what we are dealing with here. Is it silent? Oh yes, but dynamically so. Is it stillness? Yes, among the unfolding, within the unfolding, there is stillness. Darkness? But with infinite light. Limitless. As soon as it's one thing, it's another. It's a shape changer like the butterfly.

Shape changers. We are this. I went to sleep as a boy and dreamed I was a man. I awoke to find I am a man, and the dream appears as a nightmare. But shape changers don't need to accept this illusory reality. Oh, the "rules " have to be "accepted " (the parenthesis are a kind of fingers crossed behind my back), but only the limitless reality need be actually accepted.

I can, by "God " I must, awaken that boy; that sleeping fool dreaming of being a man. But this is it isn't it? We dream of manhood or womanhood and liberation from an imagined oppression we have piled on ourselvers since we forgot the joy we traded for "security ". Along comes a guru, a teacher. He or she tells you that they have experienced "awakening ", a new view, a new life. They have books, CDs, DVDs, a newsletter (social networking!) and a website to die for.

On their Facebook page, and in their Notes, they let you know what a "real " enlightenment "experience " looks like, as opposed to, I guess, everyone else's. Yours. I have had people write me and tell me how saddened they feel when their "experiences " are held up as "inauthentic " and judged by someone else's measure. The Monarch caterpillar is born, eats, and has it's life experience on one type of plant. If it takes advice from a Swallowtail, eats what it eats, tries to imitate the life of the Swallowtail, it will die. Why? Butterflies all, seekers all?

The innumerable unfoldings that occur within the "great unfolding " of Love that each of us, sentient and non-sentient alike are "created " in, result in a kind of temporary "uniqueness ". There is but one unique "awakening " for us, built in from the "beginning ". You are not a Monarch caterpillar, no Monarch Butterfly in your future! The Swallowtail can't convince you either, as you are not a Swallowtail youngster with a Swallowtail dream. You are a unique illusory character, a puppet seeking desperately to see where your strings go as they vanish into the darkness above.

When you come to realize that the puppet you have taken yourself to be, is manipulated by none other than the observer of the show, you can open your uniquely marked wings and fly. Not as some other butterfly. Not in their colors. Not on their plant. Not parroting another's words, or behaviors, but a spreading of wings (awakening) that is yours alone, and with you since "birth". Limitless.

Peace

The "Call" to Exit, Stage Right

2011-08-16T14:50:00.001-07:00

When I was in my middle years of High School, during classes, I would occasionally feel the need to just get up and walk out. And I did. This did not go down well with many teachers, as you waved their questions aside and left the room without so much as a glance. Daring move? They thought I was nuts!

In my day, in High School, they had a Dean for every class from Freshman through Senior. I was lucky to have Charles Fesler as my Dean during this time. Fesler was a fat man. I don't mean that in a derogatory way, in any way. It was simply a characteristic that was unavoidable enough to be part of his whole "persona". He was also brilliant and sarcastically funny. As a fifteen year old, I worshiped the ground the man waddled upon.

Mr. Fesler took me aside after my second incident of walking out of some class, and explained that, he too had had a difficult time staying in some classes he had in college. He told me that I already knew everything they were likely to teach me in the next couple of years, and that missing the classes was not so important as changing my manner of exit. "I was prone to nosebleeds in college", he said, "it proved to be the best excuse. I used to carry a handkerchief around that was covered in blood from previous nosebleeds, and when ever I felt that need to exit stage right, I would wave the bloody handkerchief in the professor's face, and head to the door. Worked every time."

He advised me to simply hold my hand over my mouth, point desperately to the door, and exit on the assumption that no one was going to ask questions. I never used that advise.

The simple "I understand" attitude. The implied "permission" to be myself, to "freak out" once and a while removed so much pressure, I never felt the need to run again, at least in that way!

This brings me to the point of this Note; facing the fact that a "call " to the spiritual search is as life altering and dangerous as the "awakening" that inevitably follows a real "call ". The "call ", the "search" and the "awakening" are all part of one unfolding. They appear in succession due to time, but the "awakening" is present at the first "call ", that "call " being to "awaken". The average fellow in the street does not think of this, unless there is the "call ".

Simply looking for "answers " or "peace of mind " are "reasons" a number of "seekers" use for entering the "path". While this kind of "self-improvement " can be commendable, the spiritual search that will bring you home, comes only from itself; Love "calling" itself. This requires "walking out " sometimes. Life on your own terms. Trusting instinct. I have always marched to my own drummer. Lots of trouble. Lots of trouble! But the march has brought me home.

Home is calling. If you don't hear the "call ", pretending to "answer " it will only create more problems that it will solve. An intellectual understanding will not open the door. The "call " is to the heart, don't let the mind "hack " it. If it "calls" you to exit class or a business meeting, so be it. When life seems a confusion, simplify it by walking out. You are not of this world. Live your life in service to the "call ".

If you are quiet and lucky enough to receive this grace, this awareness of the "call " , you will find the "goal ". The "process " is already "underway ". Follow the "call ". Don't waste your time looking for "self-improvement " or "peace of mind ". Both are noble goals, but only Love seeking itself, perhaps even in spite of "you", will take you home, because it "is " home. So remember, when life starts to get you down or confused, simply remember the freedom outside the "room ". Hand over the mouth, without needless or wanted explanation, exit stage right, into the real. (Mr. Fesler will cover for ya!)

Peace

The Tingle itself

2011-08-16T14:47:00.001-07:00

If you write Notes on Facebook very often, and if you write about non-dual spirituality, you will, without question, begin repeating yourself. There is only so much to be said, and much of that shouldn't be. Yet, one of life's little paradoxes is that the pull to offer, console and even attempt to explain remains like the pull of gravity, even when there are no objects to be "pulled ".

I don't think that you can point to Love, as our true nature, or becoming like a little child too often, or emphasize them enough. We are One with "God " through Love. We do not "become" "God ". We do not "dissolve" into "God ". Love "connects" us, to each other, as well as "God ". "God " and "we" are only expressions of Love, our "existence" coming out of the "need " of Love for expression.

If I reach out my hand to you like a child looking for that magic of touch, the magic lies in that connection, the second of touch itself. Love; the tingling in your friends hand. It's palpable, it's in the air. Even as adults, the tingling remains; a visible spark, a recognition of "connection". Your hand is in mine, and for that moment "you " and "I " are gone, only the tingle; the connection, Love is present.

Of course, if you remember way back, not in faulty or enhanced memory, but remember back to the heart of the dancing, open hearted child that lives in you still, your encounter with the sunrise, the sunset, the hawk on the wing, or the grief of a friend, will bring that tingle, that connection, thatLove.

Opening the heart, exposes it to pain. As soon as this is discovered in childhood (childhood is also a very scary time!), masks go on, and defenses go up. Love is cast out or at least "filtered" in such a way that we feel in control. To cast out pain, often life itself, we reject real "connections". We replace them with "power " and "sex ". These are tangible control and "connection ". The spirit that flows from Love is distorted and perverted into lust and desire. Control and possession stand in for true connection, which comes only from surrender.

So becoming as little children, and therefore recognizing Love as our true nature, is a constant rejection of masks, a fearless living in the connection. When we hold hands, I don't ask you to vanish, nor do you seek my absence. We seek, are indeed pulled, to be what we are created for, to be expressions of Love, the tingle itself.

Peace

The Illusion of Evil

2011-08-16T14:41:00.000-07:00

A Facebook Friend put up a status questioning Evil in a universe, presumably "created " out ofLove. He did not expect a definitive answer, and received many interesting ideas regarding the subject. I don't expect that my view is either superior or a "better " answer, but simply a view from experience.

Love unfolding brings into potential an unknowable number of possibilities. The perfection we "live " every day, becomes "distorted ", "perverted ", and "potentially evil " when seen as having a "personal center "; you! Only clear seeing will give you a clear view of Love in action.

As a photographer, I like to use optical illustrations; "optical illusions " in this case. Early spear fishermen learned thousands of years ago to adjust for the water's little "trick " of distorting the target (fish), and making it appear a few inches from where it really was. In modern camera lenses, all manner of adjustments have been made over the last decades to eliminate distortion and other "optical aberrations ". Aberrations is a perfect word here, as this is what happens in other areas of life as well.

Evil is an aberration. An aberration of Love. When Love is taken as "personal "; something I need, something I want, and I can dispense, love becomes distorted through it's expression (you, me, whatever), into selfishness; I need, I want, I can dispense. How far from selfish to evil is really only a matter of degree. Just as in the complicated workings of light inside and outside camera lenses, phenomenon have endless possibilities, even more subtle in the "spiritual " or psychological worlds than in the "physical " world.

Pure Love, projected or held as a "possession " is like Superman hugging a ball of Kryptonite. Love, like in a perpetual game of Hot Potato, needs to be continually shared. As a boy I had a huge marble collection. My Grandmother had made me a huge marble bag, and I set about filling it. Of course, I need to explain that I did not play marbles, just collected them. I couldn't take a chance that someone might win some of my marbles, so I simply bought more and more. I had a huge collection. It was meaningless.

Without sharing my marble collection; basically using it for that which it was intended, I was losing the whole point of marbles, of life. Life calls us to make an investment. Be it marbles or an investment in courage and earnestness. Love calls us to play the game, all the while recognizing it as a game, but playing our little lives out with all our hearts. This means simply sharing Love. Evil sneaks in when we fail to examine even the tiniest of "aberrations"

Everything we see and experience is perfect. This is one of the non-dual communities "mantras". The unfolding of Love is so complicated that it is conceded that it is not explainable. Mother Nature may cleanse herself with drought or fire, but the persons experiencing this may have a less benevolent explanation. We know not what comes. All we can do is share what is given. To experience evil, to participate in evil, to look in the mirror and see the face of evil, is one of life's truly terrifying moments. But we know that this is it's home; this mirror creature, this ego.

Only a complete irradication of the ego will allow you to see this "evil " that lives in "you ". Once the "you" is gone; recognized for what it is, the "evil " in "others " becomes seen for what it is, a distortion of Love. The Friend who wrote the status mentioned that this came up after reading of the young Orthodox Jewish boy from Brooklyn who was murdered, dismembered and thrown into a dumpster, his feet preserved in the refrigerator. Pretty awful. Pretty evil.

The torture of the perpetrator, the "story " that got him there, the "story " he now faces, I feel these here too. The sadness of the boy, his family and neighborhood, are matched by the twisted life of the perpetrator, his family and neighborhood. It all unfolds before us, and we shout, grieve, and ask why? why? But the answer is withheld. We must live with the Love that comes our way, and live beside,sometimes within, these distortions that we label "evil ". We must live for Love alone. Not a "personal" love, but one that is shared constantly without fear.

Fred Rogers of "Mr. Rogers Neighborhood" told the story of his mother advising him in times of emergency or terrible events, to "look for the helpers "; those who emerge in the midst of the events like agents for good. Sure, there is evil in the world of the dualistic mind, but it is always surrounded by Love. We are swimming in Love. Enjoy the swim or drown, it makes no difference!

Peace

Enjoy the Show

2011-08-16T14:36:00.000-07:00

If I told you that the universe was unfolding right in front of you, and past, present and future are being played out right here, right now, completely outside of time, how would you react? Perhaps with understanding, but more likely, confusion.

This, of course, is what is happening. The appearances continue, even to the "enlightened ", only the "enlightened " see them for what they are. The thoughts, impressions and manifestations are all just the play of the Absolute Loving. Not Loving, as in "making love", but being in a state of "Loving ".

All of this "Loving "; thinking, manifesting and leaving impressions creates a lot to absorb for a linear mind. It all happens at once, the past and future being projected out of the present. The mind cannot think that way. In fact, it is just the opposite of how the mind thinks. The mind wants linear order and time is created to give the appearance of duration. Past and future become the way to explain anything; what was, what is, and if all else fails, what will be.

The mind, bless it, performs these wonderful feats of creation in an instant. An instant "object " in an instant "present ", needs the creation of an instant "past " to explain it's "existence" in the first place. And then an instant "future" must be created for the duration, and potential improvement of the object. All very confusing, and funny as hell, by the way.

This play; the creation of this "story ", with past, present and future, happens so quickly, and seems so natural almost from the beginning, that we get "into the program " so quickly that we may not recognize it for years. As we "awaken" to new truths and experiences, it may seem a bit, perhaps a lot, confusing. To awaken one day, and see it all unfolding, as it is, not just the appearances, may be a bit overwhelming for some, if not all.

I suffered for years during my early adulthood with panic attacks. Almost always occurring when around crowds, these embarrassing attacks would take form in anything from the inability to breath to simple, but sometimes spectacular fainting. Too many times I found myself coming to on the sidewalk or on a department store carpet surrounded by my Partner and way too many curious strangers.

Finding these were caused by stress and extreme anxiety, a psychiatrist recommended watching for "danger signals". These "danger signals" are "triggers"; little thoughts that start a cycle of memories and newly "minted" thoughts that fit in to the pattern already established. It's a kind of a setup that sets off the panic attack, even before there is a "reason". To short circuit the panic attack requires catching it at that "trigger" .

This can apply to spirituality as well. If we learn to catch the little triggers that set the mind to creating appearances, we can see through the appearances, and eventually learn to simply enjoy the show. This requires understanding that past and future are part and parcel of the "present". A step outside of time, even for an instant, allows for freedom from the tyranny of time. The mind will always "try to make sense" out of the appearances it believes it sees, just like an idle mind will try to make an "object" out of the abstract pattern in the wallpaper.

Life is really about simply enjoying the show. The show follows a basic plot, but may not be understood by the mind. Free will is only an appearance. Love, in an unfolding flow, creates the objects that appear to "do" the actions. The "objects" then take it upon them selves, (cheeky little devils!) to think they are the "doer", and that the "actions" come from them. Again, this is funny as hell!

When I was a boy, the British Cinema, particularly it's comedies, had a reputation for being enigmatic, and something needing close scrutiny. "Don't try to get all the jokes, get into the flow of the damn thing". Life is like that. We don't need to get all the jokes. We probably wouldn't like many of them anyway. Getting "into the flow" shouldn't be that hard either. Lie gently on your back and float. Down woodside stream or ghetto gutter, the flow goes on, and we are more than carried with it. We come to realize that we are it.

Grab a bag of Popcorn, lie gently on your back and float. Get into the "flow" and most of all enjoy the show!

Peace

Reinventing the Wheel

2011-08-06T13:42:00.001-07:00

The old adage about not reinventing the wheel is useful in most of life's endevours. In spirituality however, it may not always fit. The spiritual texts, books and literature are filled with "sage " advice and sound descriptions of the journeys of "others ". The making these things "real " for us requires our "own " experiential contact, not simply listening to other's words.

Any "advice " given to us or made by us must live in experience, all the while realizing that "experience " itself becomes a story, after the fact. I can only "engage " this moment. If I try to avoid "reinventing the wheel " in spirituality, I find myself accepting "other's " concepts, even repeating their words. The truly scary thing is that we all sit on the perch, beg for crackers and parrot the words from time to time, and we don't even realize it!

It is very easy, over time, to fill the mind with so many non-dual concepts and words that you don't even realize it's happening. There have been so many studies of the "wheel " from before Shankara to ongoing Facebook Notes, including this one! I quote him or her, you quote me or someone else. We paraphrase, we "clarify ", we may even argue, but we are just a breeze against the cheek. To quoteBob Dylan: "You know that something's happening, but you don't know what it is. Do you? Mr. Jones".

Unlike Mr. Jones, we do know what it is, we just can't squeeze it into the limited world of words. I guess, not unlike the clown, we can silently point to the big smile, even in the face and awful reality of pain, and mime a follow me gesture. But I can't think that you will perform my pratfalls, accept my pies in the face, or be asked to squeeze into tiny cars designed for me. No, your embarrassments, show stoppers and vehicles are waiting in today's script. You will find them as you go. No rehearsals here. Everything is "live ".

There is no "wheel " until "you " rediscover it, and it makes you it's own. Once rediscovered, this pearl of great price is understood to have been there all along. Yes, I remember, it's all one. Nothing was ever lost, it just "looked " that way. So I run out and say, "Look, nothing was ever lost!, stop seeking, identification as the "seeker" will just keep you bound.", as if I expect you will understand my words. Here, you must reinvent the wheel. You will only understand that there is no "seeker" when he vanishes before your very eyes.

As I have said, as we repeat the biblical or traditional verses, or memorize ancient texts, they become "part " of us. Some of us, like myself, scatter biblical references around like salt and pepper. I, for one, have to say that I try not to. I try to describe my experiences in my own way, but we live in a world of words and memory, and it all becomes a muddy stream a piece down the line!

Your rediscovery will not be like Ramana Maharshi's. Nor will it be like mine. The "wheel " exists. It does not need so much "reinvention " as rediscovery. "Your " rediscovery. Maybe not so much about death experiences or clouds at all, but "your " rediscovery. It may come from the appearance of a "person", guru, lover, or the sudden overwhelming feelings over finding a dead butterfly in the gutter. It may come from finding the Love in a child's eyes, or seeing for the first time the wickedness in your own.

Yes, dare to "reinvent the wheel ". Look for your own "experience ". Not an "experience " that will live in memory or anticipation, but this experience; this life!

Peace

Peace of Heart

2011-08-06T13:39:00.001-07:00

I have written about this point again and again, but find that it can't be mentioned enough; the Call. I'm not talking about some "call " from "God ", or a "pull " toward something, but a constant drive that leads you, often in spite of yourself.

So often we hear about gaining "peace of mind " through spirituality. Visions of bliss and silence fill the mind, but this is where this idea of "peace of mind " belongs, in the mind. The nagging we feel, if we are truly "called ", is a tugging at the heart. In this case, only "peace of heart " will do.

It is the heart that is the observer of Love. The mind tries in vain to organize Love, but the heart watches it unfold in complete trust. No judgment, that's the mind's job. No matter how "peaceful ", the mind will continue to try to "organize", for that is the dualistic nature of the mind, and thought itself.

If the "call " is from Love, calling to itself, then it is a "call " to the heart. This does not bring "peace of mind ", in fact it recognizes that "peace of mind " is a desire of the mind, and one that can only be satisfied by it's elimination. It is only when we live for the whole of Love itself, seek it for itself, that we follow our "call ". Try to use "spirituality " or "the search " for personal gain, even "peace of mind ", and you will bury yourself in the search.

There must be more than a desire to "make things better ", or "improve life ". We must seek more than our idea of "truth", or yoking with "God". The pull to Love toward itself is the only power that can make it, cross the line and bring "you " home. Your own desires, no matter how desperate, or sincere will not do it. "Peace of mind ", and any ideas of it, must be abandoned, and replaced with acceptance. There may be peace of mind, or not. With "peace of heart ", peace of mind becomes irrelevant.

Peace

Teaching, Life, and the Potential of Love

2011-08-06T13:35:00.000-07:00

My approach to "teaching " is founded in living life as example and sharing life as it is lived, day to day. This no doubt has arisen, in part, from my having written the Rule for the Religious Community my partner and I founded.

Writing a Religious Community Rule is very much different than composing spiritual prose or doctrine. It has to be more than words, because these are words that need to be lived out. While I followed loosely the Rule of St. Benedict , and a style suggested by "Rule for a new Brother ", by Rogel voor een nieuwe broder of the Brackkenstine Community of Blessed Sacrament Fathers, Holland, much of the Rule was based on my life together with my Partner.

Our life together had involved middle class beginnings, but quickly found us living in less than modest surroundings. Our downtown Tenderloin experiences however, became a classroom of acceptance and sacrifice. Prior to that, both my Partner and I had experienced youthful years of Psychiatric treatment and torment. By the time it came to write the rule, much life had passed this way.

I was not so much concerned in the Rule in shaping another's spirituality, but to shape a life around which the spirit could shape it's own way. "Meetings", and meals were set aside as places to "communicate". Meetings based on a little bit of "group therapy" in a "family meeting" kind of setting. Quite sharing during meals. These all need to be part of Community where Brothers and Sisters can not only get along in Joy, but grow in spirit.

Spirituality is a very personal thing. It is the great recognition of Oneness. There is nothing more "personal " or "universal " that that. But earnestness, devotion and Love call for a life, not just for some "space" to be made in it. This is why I teach. Not that I posses a great secret, though I might. Not that I am "realized ", though I might be. But because I call you to a life. Not an idea, a philosophy or a religion, but a life. It involves eating sandwiches and talking on the phone. It involves sitting up with sick parents and children, and cleaning up puke and urine. It involves becoming lost in a child's laugh and the best sunset of your life. It is life, and it giggles through the tears.

That's what I "teach". After 44 years with one Partner, years of psychiatric inquiry, bubbles of magic "happenings " enchanting my life on a regular basis, I feel called to "teach ", "teach" that; life is what there is, in all it's wonders and sadness. I was reminded by a cloud, like a thoughtfully silly child, that I am Love. My whole "purpose " is to tell you that. I can not explain this to you, as it is beyond words, and you know all this stuff anyway.

All I can do is live my life before you. Knowing I am watched, I must accept the pains and joys and fail again and again. For I am no example if I only win. Our life may not seem like a satsang or spiritual gathering on the surface, but it is. Every smile, gesture, sigh or tear is an expression of the One; the Love that we live in. When our lives become a continual gesture of worship, devotion, and silence, the ground is prepared for the growth of potential; the potential of Love.

Peace

A Lovely Bear

2011-08-06T13:31:00.000-07:00

In this hot weather in New Mexico, I am remembering a cool Winter spent in London, and the reactions of a small boy in Harrods's Department Store.

Visiting Harrods's for the first time, being me, I wanted to see the Toy Dept. It was the Holiday Season, and the store was fully decorated, especially the Toy Dept. While I was getting lost in the fascinating displays, a boy, about 8 to 10 years old was coming along with his father. We were in the stuffed animal section of the Dept, and all at once the boy exclaimed "Oh daddy, what a lovely bear! "

Having been in London for only a few days, the accent grabbed at me of course. But the sincerity and absolute love in that voice was startling. First, no boy in America, even back in the 1970's, would have called anything "lovely ", and in particular, a stuffed bear. While I accepted this difference, I was unable to let it go without examination. A American boy, in that age group exclaiming "Oh daddy, what a lovely bear", would attract all kinds of the wrong attention. A psychiatrist may be summoned. But that gets us off the point; freedom.

That boy was not thinking about what others (me) were analyzing about the situation. At 8 to 10 he was able to be free enough to exclaim, to his dad no less, a lovely bear. This may seem a small thing, but it's the biggest thing there is!

This is what is meant by "becoming " as a child. Although, in this case, it was simply giving in to a recognized but diminishing force. Opening up, being free and open is so much more comforting than hiding. There were times in my life where a "lovely bear " would have been much more comfort than a baseball. But boys in my time hid their old bears and monkeys from one another, just as we often keep secrets apart from loved ones. To finally open up our tender heart, not only showing the "lovely bear ", but our love for it, willingly accepting what may come next, is to open that door, closed for so long.

"Oh daddy, what a lovely bear!" Oh daddy, what a lovely world!" To openly, not only say this, but proclaim it, is the very essence of freedom. Shout it like a three year old, or an 8 to 10 year old who is sure of who he is!

Peace

Phantoms

2011-08-06T13:27:00.001-07:00

I have always liked the word Phantom. The Dictionary defines Phantom as something apparent to sense, but with no substantial existence. That's really fabulous; something of the senses, but no substance. I appear as a phantom in a phantom world. Again, amazing, but what about it ?

The senses themselves, by this definition, have no substance either; being only sensors of that which is without substance. That seems to give them some kind of value, if not substance. Value without substance; an interesting combination of words, that upon examination, run through the mind like water through the fingers.

We have taken these senses; these channels of feeling that, by this definition, give birth toappearance, which has no substantial existence, and concentrated all our attention on them. We center the feelings; the senses themselves in what we falsely perceive as the "I am ". This is what we come to accept as the limited little "I ". Senses become "My feelings ". Thoughts become "My thoughts ", and the projection of "others " is "sensed ", along with the projected "me ". Phantoms.

We are all Phantoms here; apparent to sense, but with no substantial existence. You can touch me. I can touch you. That, in itself, is wonderful. Fabulous, even, but there's more! The Phantoms rise up out of the substantial ! Clearly the substantial cannot rise up from the insubstantial! The insubstantial, the illusion, the Phantom, arises from the substantial.

It is part of the Great Paradox that, that which is substantial is also not definable. This nebulous stillness upon which all this plays out, is life itself, nothing else. The child's smile, the elder's cry; all play out against this stillness I call Love. Call it what you will; The Absolute, "God", Pure Awareness, it does not matter what brings you to the understanding of our wonderful "Phantomness ".

As Phantoms we have little, or no input into the play of life, save maybe a little "style" or panache. We can either surrender or resist. Resistance is futile, surrender is imminent. But there is nothing wrong in reveling in our "phantomness". I guess that's "what about it?" You can touch me. I can touch you.That, in itself, is wonderful!

Peace

An Exquisite Frustration.

2011-08-06T13:23:00.000-07:00

Emotions are at least as much distrusted in non-dual conversation, as are thoughts. But these emotions that we can define, explain, and illustrate are also just more thoughts, only now attached to a "feeling " for further separation.

I think that emotions are one of the often misunderstood, but key elements in the "spiritual search ". Unfortunatley the "emotions " become something to "watch out " for, rather than something to experience. This is a grave mistake.

As one who experienced a good deal of psychiatric confusion as a kid, I learned to look closely at emotions and "feelings " as they arose, and arise. This had a strange "double " effect. While on the one hand, it separated me from my peers, I was able to understand why they acted as they did, and also why they reacted to me, in the way they did. Learning early on, how your behavior seems to affect others, and how it all stems from one source is a valuable lesson.

Emotions, like thoughts, are not separate from their source. The source of all "emotion", "spirit", "feeling" is in Love itself. Before I go on any further, let me express what I am calling "Love " here.

Love is not a "feeling ", but it is also. Love is not an "emotion ", but the emotion is in it. Love is all there is. Call it the Absolute, Enlightened Awareness, The One, but try not to call it "God ". For "God " is another image, concept, idea complete! While, "Love " is also a concept, it is a "nebulous " one.

This is why I am defining my concept of "Love ". Love is that which unfolds into life. An ever present stillness onto which life is projected and observed. Emotions, like thoughts, arise from that stillness. These thoughts, stored as memory, will repetedly play back if we allow them to. Otherwise there are only fresh thoughts, floating through, leaving no trace but the pleasure of observation. The same is true for emotion.

Memory thoughts can trigger "memory emotion ", a "reliving " of a past "experience ". These remembered emotions are as strong as the "original " emotions, and are "played back " as the same "feelings " as the "original ". These are the "emotions " we need to expose, understand and watch vanish.

As I have explained elsewhere in my Notes, all emotions, from the most sublime to the most base, arise in Love only, and are simply distorted and perverted by the desire to make a universal into a "personal ". Love is only what it is when it is not attached to a "person ", even "God ". Love as "spirit" is what we "are". The body/mind is simply Love's "expression ". The unfolding of Love itself not only creates both the body/mind to express love, but the "objects " of it's affection as well. There are no objects; no "things ", just the Love expressed through them.

Just as medieval man observed light to be a "physical " manifestation of spirit, so it is that Love is that same spirit, abiding as everything. Emotions, just like thoughts, arise from the core of the source, They are there, and they are real. While the ripples on the surface of the water, are a "temporary " manifestation, they are "real " while they have an appearance. We would be indeed foolish to ignore a "temporary " hurricane. To ignore a "temporary " emotion, may also be a rejection of what is.

Even in a "realized " person, there will arise the "feelings " of bodily dis-ease. Emotions, even expressed strongly, are no less a part of the sage, than any other body/mind. A sage is living in the heart, we can expect some emotion. Love will flow freely, but any blockages encountered, will be met with an equal determination. You can't stop a sage who comes at you with Love. He will steal your heart, and brake it simultaneously.

Just as we learn to navigate shallow waters by understanding the hidden rocks that make the waves appear in the first place, emotions guide us in a world of pure "feeling"; an understanding without "knowledge". You can't explain Love to me. Either my concept or your concept lose their meaning, as well they should. But we can "feel " Love. I can look at you and laugh. I can see the Love and joy in your eyes, but I can't explain it. It is an exquisite frustration.

Peace

The Call from Nothingness to Life

2011-08-06T13:20:00.000-07:00

I was recently "unfriended " by someone who couldn't stop arguing over "nothingness ". It is astonishing how far some in the spiritual community will argue over "nothing ". This seems to be caused by a fear of becoming involved with life itself. "Nothingness " becomes a safe place to hide.

How does this come about ? The concept of "Neti, Neti ", not this, not this, is a beginning. The mind, not being able to land on anything solid after settling in the "I am ", starts thinking in negative terms. It tells us that the only way to describe "what is ", in thought and word, is in describing what it is not. This leaves a blank, a hole in thought that becomes described as nothingness.

Again, meditation, looked at as mental activity rather than an emptying, leads to negative thought. When one works at meditation, and achieves "success ", it is referred to as "stillness", "silence", "nothingness ". The "self ", the "world " all vanish into this silent stillness. The mind "stabilizes " in this silent stillness, and believes itself to be "aware", or "awakened ". This is a point where many stop the "search ". In this "state ", which is completely in the mind, the mind enjoys a "stillness " and "silence " that it creates out of it's view of those thoughts and words.

I was lucky to be introduced to contemplation before I ever got too far into meditation. In contemplation, the emphasis is on emptying. All words, thoughts and activity are rejected. Not to enter into some negative state, but to allow for an "infilling ". In contemplation, one is, in Christian terms, "waiting on the Lord " You are offering everything to the "unknown " in contemplation. You are not "seeking ". You are not imagining anything will "happen ". You are simply saying "Here I am, take me." You are giving up your life for the unknown. This takes incredible courage, and demands an incredible "call ".

While "everyone " eventually hears, and follows this "call ", most spiritual "seekers " remain in the imagined "silent stillness ". When someone, like the one who "unfriended " me, argues for this "silent stillness ", you know that they are "stuck " there, and no amount of reaching out in the dream will reach them, as they think they have "made it ". They take the "nothingness ", presented to and by the mind, as "enlightenment ".

Nisargadatta Maharaj, said that he saw he was nothing, and that was "wisdom ". Of course, that is "wisdom ", this "nothingness " we see is the end of the minds usefulness. "I am nothing", this is the minds "wisdom ". But this is only the start. Nisargadatta also said that when he saw he was "everything ", this was Love. This, seeing that we are "everything ", is what takes one beyond the mind. When the empty heart is "filled " with Love, there is no "vision ", no thought, no "words ". It just is.

Giving up the "search "; emptying out the mind of thoughts of "still silence ", as conceived by the mind, even giving up the thought of "Love " itself for the reality beyond words and mind is what is required. But fear of actually letting go is what keeps most "stuck" in the apparent, comfortable "still silence ". If you suggest, as life itself does, that there is more than this background of "still silence ", this Neti, Neti, this incomplete "enlightenment " that is seen by these fearful "seekers ", they will reject you, unfriend you, and say that you are the one who is "deluded ". They will only accept a total rejection of "everything " as their "reality ".

To be Love, this seeing oneself as "everything ", opens the world, others and yourself to what is. Not some negative "screen " upon which the "illusions " appear, but seeing the "illusions " themselves as part and parcel of the "screen ". Sure, you can say that the "illusions " are all in the "mind ". But the "mind " is also both an "illusion " and itself part and parcel of the "screen ". Non-duality can not admit an "illusion ", and a separate "screen ", and still remain "non-dual ". There is both "movement " and "stillness ". One can't be separated from the other, or one held to be "higher " or more perfect or "real " than the other.

It is time to call "seekers ", especially those who have had the incomplete "awakening " to "nothingness ", or "silent stillness ", back into life. Just as the Christ is described as being both "fully human" and fully "divine", Life is both illusory and real. We can not separate "temporary " from "eternal ", and remain outside of time; the great "illusion ". We have to dive deeply into paradox, and dare to "live" there. Not taking positions, choosing "real " (eternal), over "illusion " (temporary), but accepting all that is, as it unfolds in Love.

Peace

The Trouble with "God" - Revisited

2011-08-06T13:16:00.000-07:00

I find it both amusing and strange that referencing the concept of "God " comes up in non-dual discussions so frequently. This concept seems to be so persistent that it takes on a life of it's own, even in supposed "non-dual " expression. The concept of an "individual self " seems easier to lose than this troublesome concept of "God ".

A friend and I, while in high school, had independently come upon the thinking behind Anselm'sOntological Argument , which we considered a "proof " for the existence of "God ", as did Anselm. This concept, as Anselm framed it, is that "God " is that, of which nothing greater can be conceived. I remember excitedly calling my philosophy teacher on a Saturday night to tell him the good news. After he explained that Anselm had already beaten us to the punch, I simply accepted this argument for decades.

I come from a Christian background, and one would think that this concept would be one that would persist, and it did, in my period of intellectual understanding. Initially, in the Christian sense, there developed the concept that "God " was "in" things, or everything was "part " of "God ." As more understanding took place, "God " was seen as "everything ". The sky is "God", the forest is "God", and so on.

After reading Ramakrishna, and then Ramana Maharshi and Nisargadatta Maharaj, there developed an intellectual understanding of non-dual expression. But the concept of "God", finally seen as only a concept, was missed. My development from childhood had always seen that Love was the most important aspect of "God", and that aspect remained, both in my mind and in my heart. How could there be Love in non-duality; without subject and object; "God and myself " ?

As I have said before, after a heavy rain, in the beauty of the clouds, I was struck with the realization of the answer to that question. The only way I can explain that using the inadequacy of words, is to say I vanished. And along with me, the concept of "God " vanished. What was left was Love. Not "my" love, not "God's" love, but Love only. All personal identification ceased. While the body, mind, and personality appear to remain, the constant, abiding, reality is Love only.

This realization of Love, without the concept of "God " opened the door. "God " was no longer necessary, just as "I " was no longer necessary. After "stabilizing" in this for a decade, I was able to see that both "God " and myself are simply expressions of Love, the appearance of the body/mind and personality persisting as before, but now servants to Love only. I have tried ever since to proclaim that Love is your True nature.

This is why I find it so important not to look at "God " as anything but a concept. That is why I always try to put the term "God " in parenthesis'. I don't believe it. It is an expression only of the one Love. As to our "selves ", we can, at least reach the "I am ". The mind can go that far. But the concept of "God " is not even "demonstrable" to that degree, unless we wish to stop at Anselm's argument, which by it very words, is a concept. Only the heart can understand Love, as the heart "speaks" only in silence.

Robert Adams, the great American Jnani, felt that one was helped in the spiritual journey by seeing "God " in form, even though his understanding was similar to my own. He even felt that one could worship "God " in the guru. He felt that one could not build up a strong enough "love" for a formless "ideal ". Both Ramana Maharshi, and Nisargadatta Maharaj used the term "God " frequently. They used it in reference to the Absolute sometimes, and in reference to the "relative" at other times, which I feel is very confusing, if not misleading, as were Adams's views. Not wanting to pick a fight with some of non-dualities most revered teachers, I would still say that the understanding of Love, Loving itself, without the unnecessary baggage of an "I " or a "God " is vital to the understanding of Truth.

Peace

Love without Reward - The Dance itself!

2011-08-06T13:10:00.000-07:00

I just read the statement "at some point all spiritual effort is rewarded." Again, that carrot being dangled out there. I suppose in a pay - off oriented society, that is what is sought; a reward. This is just simply not good enough.

Love is all there is. To use an old clichéd phrase; Love is it's own reward. And this is it, isn't it ? The search is not for something. There is no treasure to find that that is not already present. Wisdom, peace of mind, happiness, or whatever is sought as a "reward ", are not good enough.

What is sought is what calls. It is also the "journey " itself. Until it is realized (the Real manifest) that the "call ", the "seeker ", and the "path followed " are all the same Love playing out it's game with itself, the "journey " continues. After it is realized that this is simply a play of Love, the "journey" continues, until all is absorbed back into Love itself.

Love is calling, calling to itself. This is expressed in a wonderful manifestation, or a silent stillness depending on the "angle of view ". If Love itself is not leading back to itself, it is simply wandering, and it isn't Love, it's the minds idea of love. A mistaken identity. When a reward is sought, no matter how lofty, a possession is sought; a pay - off for imagined "efforts". This is self seeking; selfishness, and has nothing to do with Love.

Any "spiritual journey ", that is a true one, starts with a calling. It doesn't start with a desire to "fix " anything. Searches for happiness, peace of mind, wisdom or even understanding, are all reward oriented. Seeking understanding or relief of these things may be found in psychology, or even possibly religion, but that is not the purpose of spirituality. Spirituality has no purpose, it just is, and there is either a calling or not.

Spirituality is the circle of Love unfolding and Loving itself. The "call " is an invitation to join the dance,the dance itself being the call, and the called. If Love is offering it's invitation, it does not matter ifhappiness, peace of mind, wisdom or understanding are present or not. In fact the "call " can, and often does, come in the midst of unhappiness, a troubled mind, ignorance or lack of understanding. The invitation comes in spite of those things.

The invitation to the dance is not declinable. It may be resisted, resulting in much of the unhappiness, etc. mentioned above, but it cannot be ignored. Seeking a "reward " leads to an attempt to "crash the dance ". In fact, seeking a "reward " prevents the invitation from being sent in the first place. Perhaps a better way to put it, is that the attempt to crash the dance, causes the invitation to become overlooked.

All are invited to the dance. Overlooking the invitation by seeking a "reward ", we miss the dance itself.

Peace

Living Skinless

2011-08-06T13:05:00.000-07:00

When I left the religious community to return to the "real " world, I felt "skinless". I had always, since childhood, felt a bit skinless. The adult world seemed crazy. People said things they didn't mean. They lied, cheated, and covered up the truth, while telling me not to do the same. They spoke of "God " and spirituality as being of the greatest importance, but constantly figured out ways to "get around " things that were inconvenient. It was confusing, and it hurt.

We often refer to "becoming like children " as if we really understood what that means. In spirituality it is highly prized, but rarely practiced. Oh, we try to act "innocent ", non judgmental, and accepting, but we avoid the vulnerability that is required to actually rediscover those things in our lives. We need to become "skinless". We wear masks that hide our true selves. We read about a Ramana Maharshi, a Christ or a Buddha, and we may attempt to live our lives based on their words and actions. But those are just more "masks".

If I put on a "Ramana " mask, and base my life on his words, his actions, what happens to the true face I hide ? If I follow the ways of a Christ or Buddha, live in their "skin", try to think with their thoughts, where is the expression of the One that lives in this wave ? We hold up particular characters in this play as examples. Ramana, Nisargadatta, Christ, Buddha, and a number of others. Do we need to do what these men did, or do we need to do as these men did? When I refer to as these men did, I am referring to being themselves. Being open to being themselves.

Being yourself seems to be very hard within any "system ", be it fundamentalist Christianity, or non-dualism. The fundamentalist Christian makes all manner of rules to follow, to be "like Christ ". So we put on a "humility mask ", a "righteous indignation" mask, a "caring" mask, and all the rest of them. In non-duality, we put on a "oneness " mask, a "no doer" mask, a "no judgment " mask, and all the other masks that "define " our thinking, and who we fancy we "are". But to really discover our expression, our potential, we need to become "skinless ".

Becoming "skinless " involves more than just removing the masks, it requires the removal of "skin", an open vulnerability. To look closely at this "skinlessness " as metaphor, we have to see that the openness of "skinlessness", not only makes us available to what is, it makes us sensitive to the "salt " that gets thrown our way. We may wince and cry sometimes in this vulnerability. "Salt" hurts the "skinless" This if course, is frowned upon in non-duality circles. If you are "enlightened ", free, One with the all, you are told you live in bliss. No tears, no pain, no "salt ".

I recently was forced to unfriend one Facebook friend, and was unfriended by another. This disappointed me, as I was a fan, an enjoyer, a friend in every sense of the word. I attempted, as a child might, to be open and point out the need for "skinlessness ", vulnerability, by being vulnerable. I pointed out that I suffer from time to time with depression, but keep it under control by seeing it for what it is. They took exception by putting on the mask of "enlightenment ". From behind this mask of "enlightenment ", I was told that I "had not made it yet ", or I would be happy and blissful like some kind of cartoon chipmunk. When I took exception to this, they threw "salt ". It hurt, and once they knew it hurt, they threw more.

To get away from metaphors for a moment, I felt hurt. Now, I know in the rarified world of Advaita, or non-duality, one is not supposed to feel hurt, only bliss or "nothingness ". But I hurt. If you take a child who offers his best openly, no matter how innocent, non judgmental or accepting children may be, and slap him in the face, he will cry. And I did. I sat in front of the computer screen and cried the bitter tears of a child. I recovered, as the footing of my life is on solid ground, but there wasmomentary hurt. I do not pretend to be in some blissful state all the time, although that is in my experience. I offer what I offer "skinlessly ". I do not give two pins if it fits with Ramana, or Nisargadatta, or Christ or anyone else. I offer myself, as it says in the bible, and as we named our religious community, as a living sacrifice, "skinlessly".

To be open, as a little child, to Oneness and bliss, I must be open to pain. I must not trade all the masks I so valiantly tore from my flesh, for the mask of "enlightenment ", a false enlightenment that promises a false "bliss". I must not care if anyone, even myself, thinks I am enlightened. I must live only "skinlessly " now. It hurts sometimes, but I will not wear another's spirituality, mask or skin. When life throws "salt", as life will, it will burn. I might cry. But the "skinlessness" that allows the "salt " to burn, also allows the balm of awareness and Love, in to sooth.

Peace

"The Shadow", as a Weapon

2011-07-07T09:15:00.000-07:00

As I have stated before, I was seeing a psychiatrist when I was nine. I could not face any kind of social life, so I refused to go to school. I either spent my days hiding out on top of my Grandparent's shed, or in the wonderful hills and rocks above my home.

I have never been social, always disliked parties, and have avoided large groups. When I decided to start writing and sharing my spiritual musings on Facebook, it was a big step. I really shouldn't say I "decided ", because the pull of Love has deemed it so, and I really have no choice but to share.

I knew when I came to Facebook that I would be challenged. As I have said repeatedly, I do not hold any degree, or even a high school diploma. True, I do have a year of collage, having past the entrance exams, but remain undereducated in contrast to many of my Facebook friends. My college studies were mostly based around psychology courses, as I had hopes of becoming a teacher, but the social side made college trying, and I soon left the academic world.

My years of psychiatric inquiry, which, as I said, started at nine, and the courses I took added to a good understanding of what makes people, particularly me, tick. By the time I was twelve, I had a good handle on the concepts of repression, regression, denial and projection. I was alarmingly open.

I have found that in the spiritual community, the non-dual community in particular, projection has become a facet of self-inquiry. The concept of each of "us " projecting the "other " has become an "article of the faith " in non-duality. This projection, as conceived by Freud, was later named "The Shadow ", by Carl Jung, and adapted by Ken Wilber in a kind of spiritual psychology. It is a wonderful way of self examination, and has great benefits when used properly for self inquiry. It has, unfortunately, been turned around and become a kind of spiritual weapon.

In the last couple of days, this weapon has been turned on me twice, by those who are unwilling to look at themselves and their actions. This is, of course, OK, as no one needs to look at themselves if they don't want to. I will admit to being frank. I am Asperger's, and I will tell you things others won't. Honesty and integrity are very important to me. I pull no punches, either with myself or others. I have seen, and continue to see the ugliness in my life, my actions, and my thoughts. Sometimes it isn't pretty, but I could not live without full discovery.

The "weapon " aspect of projection, (the Shadow), comes in when someone is told an observation that they don't like, or want to deny. The first reaction is to throw "The Shadow " at the observer and dismiss the observation as a projection of the "others " own faults. This has become very common, and is often used by the self proclaimed "enlightened ". If it is pointed out that what is seen is not indicative of an "awakening " or "enlightenment ", "The Shadow " is thrown. This was demonstrated byRamesh Balsekar in his infamous sex scandal, and in the subsequent defense of his actions byWayne Liquorman, Ramesh's protégé. This is not what "The Shadow " is for.

"The Shadow "; projection, is a method of self-inquiry. It is not for making judgments of "others " observations. First, there really are no "others ", so any observations are only appearing out of the One. Looking deeply into ourselves, and seeing our fears and doubts cast upon "others " is deep work, and is a "lifetime ", ongoing process. It is useful and can bring about understanding. But the use of it as a "weapon ", has just the opposite effect. It says, "I do not have to take advice or criticism seriously, as I am "enlightened ", so it is just their inadequacies being projected onto me.", "I did not have sex with a student, or behave unprofessionally, or resort to name calling, it's your "Shadow " that sees this."

This throwing of "The Shadow " is not only a weapon against criticism, it is a weapon against our self, and it's spiritual development. We need to, if we are honest, look at our motives, question our thoughts, and see deeply inward. Even if we see ourselves as "enlightened " (which is often, if not always, a stumbling block in itself), we must be vigilant. "Awakening " itself brings this about. The "awakened " becomes the observer. Inner details become obvious, flaws are seen and accepted, not "thrown " at "others ". The proclamation of no faults, all bliss, should be a red flag to any coming in contact with such an "enlightened ".

Many of the self proclaimed "enlightened " remind me of the lyrics from the Steely Dan song; "Reelin' in the Years" ; "You been tellin' me you're a genius Since you were seventeen In all the time I've known you I still don't know what you mean". If you question one of these "enlightened " about their "enlightenment ", you had better duck, "The Shadow " will be thrown. Question your own "Shadow ", by all means, but if you throw it, you need to really question that. With openness, you need no weapons, just Love.

Peace

Offering False Hope

2011-07-07T09:06:00.000-07:00

On Sunday I put up a Note called "Enlightenment and Depression." It was about those who suffer with clinical/chemical depression, and how by seeing through the body/mind, it is still possible to live as Love. It was well received, and many resonated with it's message.

The following day, another Facebook friend, put up a Note saying that "enlightenment " or "awakening " could turn that around, and even suggested that the DNA could be changed. I must admit that this Note made me rather angry. Regardless of the language, which basically called those with depression, people with a "victim mentality ", it was the offering of false hope that upset me.

It was my intention to let people with depression (myself included) know that "awakening " is happening "right now " in the present moment, even in the face of apparent depression. I wanted to say that Love is what you are, even if sadness, even despair, is present in your mind. In my Note of response, I questioned why someone who claims "awakening " could make such a hollow promise of hope.

The first response I received from the writer, was "An ugly distortion by a depressed mind ". Not a very kind remark, but it made me laugh, coming from one who makes a point of touting his "love and compassion ". The personal remarks aside, he later wrote that "my writing is meant to offer hope." And therein lie the rub! Hope is holding out a carrot of some future event that will make "everything blissful and pristine ". Not going to happen!

There is only the present; the past and future being only in the mind. To offer hope is to make a false promise of "change", even a change in DNA, in some imaginary future. Hope lives only in the future! Even the Christ had his agony in the Garden of Gethsemane, and turned it into acceptance. He asked the Father to remove it from him, but he knew it must be endured and accepted. His suffering in the face of being an actual victim, did not give him a "victim mentality", it gave him the opportunity to accept and surrender. Depression gives us such an opportunity.

To offer false hope, when acceptance of what is, is the only answer, is cruel. and misguided. Like hope, Depression lives only in the mind. Living in the heart accepts the "externals ", pleasant, or not. Pleasant or unpleasant are only judgments of the mind, and have no power over the understanding that Love is what you are.

Peace

Enlightenment and Depression

2011-07-05T12:12:00.001-07:00

What? What's that you say? Depression, enlightenment , in the same sentence? How can that be? Isn't "enlightenment " supposed to be a "cure " for depression? No, it's not, but the two work together in a very mysterious and wonderful way.

I am not talking here about the "blues ", or some momentary setback or disappointment, but genuine clinical depression, the kind that leads to despair and suicide. And I don't want to forget anxiety, depression's companion and playmate. What do these have to do with enlightenment? They seem the opposite of "enlightenment ", the very kind of thing that many seek enlightenment to "save " them from.

This is one of the reasons that I so dislike the "once enlightenment takes place there is peace of mind " crowd. Sure, if you are one of the "normal " people with a regular neurology, "NT's", or "neurotypicals", as we Asperger's folks call the rest of you, some kind of enlightenment may bring peace of mind. But to us, who suffer clinical depression; neurological depression, enlightenment brings understanding. In fact, I have found that the neurological kind of depression may indeed bring about the "shift " that is so necessary for enlightenment to take place. We are "special " people, and our differences, including our depression, are our "special gift "; a grace waiting to be discovered.

How can I call a neurological depression and anxiety a gift? Once it is discovered that depression; neurological depression and anxiety, is present, it is discovered that it is a chemical process; part of the body. The body/mind we appear to be "born " with is a complete system of functions, mostly unconscious. We can dismiss it as an "illusion ", but it's reality is part of the functioning of the whole. If you prick it, does it not bleed? Among the functions of this complex mechanism are both the personality, and the way it perceives the world. Enlightenment does not necessarily change the personality, only the perception.

This is why we have so many different kinds of Gurus. The personality is part of the body/mind complex. It lives until the body dies and ceases functioning. It's something we have to put up with in our "acceptance ". It will be gone soon enough.

But to get back to the "gift " of depression and anxiety. Many people are treated for neurological depression with drugs. This works for a certain number of cases, but not all. The drugs work because they trigger endorphins, those little "happy making " hormones in the chemical body. This process makes clear to the mind that the "depression " or "anxiety " is simply a functioning of the body.

When one looks at this kind of depression, it becomes apparent that there is depression and anxiety, without "external cause ". But until this is discovered, the mind thinks it "feels " depressed and anxious, when it is really only a bodily function. The mind usurps the feeling and starts to desperatelyseek a cause. "It's my horrible Wife or Husband. " "It's my boss or job " "I'm a terrible person, and deserve no better " Any number of possibilities arise in the mind. It's as if you stub your toe, and blame the pain on your personality or character.

The "gift " comes in the seeing that the depression is simply a "happening ", and has no relationship toyou. Sure, it still "feels " bad. It still hurts. But now you are actually able to stand to the side of it, and watch it. "There is the depression again, but it's not me. " "These thoughts of anger and personal judgment are all in the mind. " "I am not my thoughts." It's that body, that "guy" in the dream that hurts, and not ME. " The "me " being the reality you are, the "I am ". Right understanding of depression and anxiety, can take you beyond the "I am ". This is it's "gift ", it's wonder.

For the last few decades, I have lived as Love alone. In the last 20 years it has been an unshakable conviction. The depression still continues, but is seen for what it is. I am able to live without medication, because I understand who and what I am. I am that unshakable Love and Awareness that is neither born or dies. I have described my anticipation of death as being like a child anticipating Christmas. Now you know why.

Somewhere I read the idea of the body as being like a wheel that is rolling down hill. It keeps going based on momentum. It keeps going until it either hits something, or loses it's momentum. Our body/mind contains the vital force, the personality and the thoughts. When it stops functioning, it is simply gross matter. To escape the body is to be totally free, provided there is awareness of the Self; that unfolding wholeness that we are.

This is the "purpose" of life, if we are to accept there is any purpose at all, this discovery of the Self. So many seekers who are looking for peace of mind, find that they get so far, and then find depression, anxiety, and other distractions that they consider "backsliding ". They say, "Oh, I can't have found the answer, I'm not "enlightened", because I'm depressed or anxious." But this isn't so. Perhaps among the "neurotypicals ", there is constant "bliss " in enlightenment, I could not tell you. But what I can tell you is that it is possible to constantly "behold the face of "God ", even through the physical and mental depths of depression and anxiety, when it is seen clearly that you are not the depression, but the observer of it. The depression and anxiety can itself become the Guru, the awakening to that "shift " of consciousness that takes you to Love. I have no doubt that I am Love, and I wait with great Joy for Christmas.

Peace

Which Came First?

2011-07-01T14:44:00.001-07:00

I want to toss around a few things here and see if and how they land. This morning I read somewhere the idea that Love, among other things, like wisdom and joy are simply byproducts of clear seeing; seeing through separation. This would seem to be in line with Nisargadatta Maharaj's famous quote, which I use all the time:

"When I see that I am nothing, I call that wisdom. When I see that I am everything, I call that Love. Between the two, my life continually flows."

That statement would seem to confirm that Love and Wisdom are indeed byproducts, or at least the results of seeing through separation. But is this really true? Lets have a look.

I think that we can at least assume that Love, joy, and Divine Wisdom are beyond the mind; not describable in words. If we can box in Love, joy, or Divine Wisdom, in our words, concepts or thoughts, they are not the genuine article; the genuine article being indefinable.

"When I see that I am nothing ", "When I see that I am everything ". That certainly sounds like clear seeing; seeing through separation. And it is. But does the "seeing " come before the Love, joy andDivine Wisdom, or is the clear "seeing " a byproduct of Love, joy, and Divine Wisdom?

I would propose that the Love, joy, and Divine Wisdom must come first. Clear seeing is not available to the mind. Clear seeing lives only in Love. Joy and Divine Wisdom are the byproducts of Love only, all being beyond mind. The mind, of course, wants to come first. It will try to usurp the Love, joyand Divine Wisdom, and try to present them as it's byproducts; it's "discovery ".

This false belief that the mind is "seeing " through separation is one of the pitfalls of "spirituality without spirit ", that I have referred to in previous writings. As soon as the heart opens to Love, joy, or Divine Wisdom , and the truth is reveled, the mind, like a hidden snake, sneaks in and grabs the "awakening ". Love, being our very nature, the "very form of "God" ", as Ramana Maharshi put it, is the only place where no separation exists, all else being dualist. This is not available to the mind, but the mind tries to claim it.

The late, and loving American Jnani, Robert Adams took this idea even further, in that he felt it was valuable to "worship " the "absolute " as "God " in form. He expressed that worshiping (Loving) a formless "God " would not produce sufficient energy:

" if you worship God without form, the energy is not as strong. For what kind of a God are you worshipping? An invisible God that has no form, no shape. Therefore, you have doubts. You are not too sure. And, the energy you send out is not that strong. But when you worship God as form, you can give that God all of your energy, or totally Surrender ( to that particular deity.) That is the purpose of worship. To finally, totally, surrender your ego, your pride, your body, your affairs, your life, to that deity. And then, ‘You’ ( as divine Self rather than human person) become that deity, itself."

This "energy " that Robert is talking about is Love itself. Only through Loving can we "be " Love. Only through practicing Love (silence, devotion, service) can we step into the unseen realm of Love itself. We can practice all the mind games and "awareness " tecniques that we like, but to allow that the mind is quieting itself, illuminating itself, is to follow a road that leads only back to the mind, and not beyond it.

Here, in this teaching that has been given me by Grace, there is difficulty in this idea of "God " in form. Robert Adams believed that "the importance of loyalty to one Teacher in personal reverence and practice " results in "powerful practical results in life." He went so far as to say that:

"Worshiping God in the form of Sat Guru or in the form of a Buddha or a Christ, whichever, is even better."

To many, the personal "God " in form, becomes a stumbling block. The Guru "as "God " also leads many astray. This is why seeing Love only is the start of understanding. You can look at it as "God's Love " if that helps, but to see something "personal " in the universal , unconditional Love is an error. We, the world and the whole of the universe are not nouns,, but a verb. We are not a "thing", but life itself.

But this "argument " with Robert is a small one. We both see that Love, devotion and "worship " are vital to any awakening. To simply say that Love, joy and Divine Wisdom are "byproducts " of clear "seeing " is to believe the deception that the mind "saw it first ".

We open our hearts by Loving, as that is what the heart does. No matter how "clearly " we can explain the mind's "discovery ", it will not open the heart, Love being the only key. Love in Silence(contemplation), and Love in action (service) are the shortest route to "awakening ". The mind with all it's clever words, concepts and ideas will try to tell you that, with it, you can, and indeed you have discovered "truth ", but it is simply deceiving you by swapping a vision it couldn't understand, for one it makes up.

Make no mistake, the mind exists in Love, not Love in the mind. Clear "seeing " results from Love. Everything is a "byproduct " of Love, including this "clear seeing ".

Peace

An Open Invitation

2011-06-30T08:59:00.000-07:00

I was asked in an interview about my impression of Nisargadatta Maharaj's tossing people out of his little mezzanine room, and whether that showed love, or something else. My response was that maybe on some days Nisargadatta was a bit cranky. He was quite elderly by the late seventies and eighties, and I can understand that.

There is also the likelihood that he often felt that those who came only to "test " him, or find an intellectual answer or argument were not earnest enough to waste everyone's time on. In his later years, Nisargadatta wanted to stick to the basics, the very heart of the matter, not engage in verbal rhetoric.

As I put up my little notes, I often get among the loving responses, these same kinds of people seeking to "test ", argue and quibble. Many of these are educated people who are out to prove their own vision is "clearer " or that they can use words more skillfully or succinctly. This is of no matter here. I am a simple man, with no high school or collage degree. I do not have the words of the academic. I am not a scholar. What I understand has been placed in my heart, and from there I write and speak.

I am Love. I speak only as Love. I will not say I am "enlightened ", as I have always been as I am. I lived in the "big picture" from the time I was born. I have always lived with the understanding that I am not of this world. I have described elsewhere my "awakening " experience, and other "events " that are of little importance. All these things; the reading, the prayer, contemplation have only confirmed what was always present; I am Love.

I am no different than you. I appear to you out of your "dream " to tell you to look, see, that you are Love only. The "persons", "teacher", "seeker" are only expressions of Love. I speak of "Love unfolding ". This is not something I have heard and repeat, but what is seen here. That wonder, that blessing is what is being conveyed. I have nothing more to say or teach, and nothing to argue about. So far, I have not "tossed " anyone out (unfriended) for simply arguing, though it is tedious, when I am only sharing Love which can be accepted or not. It is only entertainment or a desire to show off your "knowledge " to argue with one who offers only Love. I will not argue with you.

I am mostly silent. All my life, I have been described as a "quite " person. I have always lived for the "not of this world " truth. This has been costly in "human " terms. Psychological breakdowns, forced institutionalizations, not being "social " enough to stay in school, have been my "reward " for living by "not of this world " truth. I often wonder what would have happened to Nisargadatta, Ramana, St. Teresa, , or Ramakrishna, had they been forced to live in modern, Western society.

But this is it, isn't it? Many of us do live in modern society, and we attempt to find "truth " while still being part of it. We get educations. Can you believe it, that some PhD's actually argue with me, andbecome sarcastic? I simply tell them what is seen here, and I am drowned in sarcastic intellect. It is so funny. Nisargadatta, Ramana, St. Teresa and Ramakrishna are my brothers and sister. We smile at each other, and understand. I don't agree with some, or in some cases, many of their "words ", but their hearts and mine beat in unison and Love.

As long as we hold that a place in society is important, are unwilling to give without reward or assurances of tomorrow, and feel the need to argue instead of be silent in the face of Love, we are simply spinning our wheels, and playing at "seeking " or "enlightenment ", which are, after all, only words we have heard.

Many of you may say, "he is just an uneducated buffoon playing at being a "teacher ".", and will unfriend and run away before anyone sees you associating with the like of me. And this is fine. I know nothing. I can tell you nothing. I can only say, you are Love unfolding, explore it for yourself. I am Love only, calling you out of your "dream". After all the pain, I can only reach out to you and say, I am the little boy who always trusted. I am trust itself. I am Love. Remove the superfluous, stand naked in life, and join me. It's an open invitation.

Peace

Is it Possible to Love too Much?

2011-06-30T08:54:00.000-07:00

Can we be "too nice "? Is it possible to love too much? Not in my experience. When I was a small boy I was taught to love my neighbor as myself. The old "Golden Rule"; do unto others as you would have them do unto you, was the credo of my family. My Father would bring home the homeless and hungry. My Grandparents, who ran an apartment building, would have the whole building in for Thanksgiving and Christmas. They had even done this during the Depression, and believe me, they were poor!. Love was a visceral feeling in my home and in my life.

Today, psychology, and some philosophy would want you to believe that you need to "love yourself first" . There are those psychologists who believe that we "hate " ourselves, and therefore "seek " outside of ourselves for love. And of course, the "teachers " of non-duality, want us to concentrate on the "I am ". and love our "self " so we see through the false self to the inclusion of the "other ". These often simply become excuses for abiding in our selfishness.

This idea that, if I love myself, I am loving others, because we are all one, is a snow job. It's selfish. If we are all one, then loving others is loving yourself. This is also much more to the point and a safer position. It is much more difficult to love others as yourself, than to love others through yourself. We all start from a position of "I am ". This is the seed of selfishness. To lose your "self " in the love and service of others, is to find the "Self " that lives in us all.

My Mother used to tell me a saying my Great Grandmother used to tell her; "Brighten the corner where you are." An old fashioned saying for sure, but well remembered all the same. Bringing light, living as Love, this is what we are called to do. This does not mean using our minds to make judgments of who is pure or "loving ", but always being loving, even in the face of what appears to be evil.

The story is told of a robbery at Ramana Maharshi's Ashram. While many panicked, The Maharshi, even though mishandled by the intruders, told others to let the robbers have what they wanted. This was not out of fear, but out of loving kindness. The Maharshi was loving kindness itself. He had no choice but to follow his nature.

When I was a boy and in my teens, others would often tell me that so and so was taking advantage of me in some way. I would simply answer that I was aware of what was happening, and that no one could take advantage of me, as there was nothing that was "mine " that could be taken away. If you know who you are, you do not fear being taken advantage of, you have nothing to lose.

We can not stand as the "self " and make demands for "space ", or property, or even personal "peace ". If life, "God ", Love, sends into our lives "others ", then, if we are true to Love itself, we accept what is sent, no matter how "flawed ". Jesus, bleeding and dying on the cross, after suffering brutal humiliation and apparent "human failure ", said "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do." Those who "hurt " us, or "ill use " us are only engaging in Love in a "perverted " sense; self love, self protection. Our casting them aside, putting our own purposes and "self " protection before our love for them is no different.

The Christ's prayer at the Last Supper asks that the disciples "love one another " as he had loved them. How was that? How did he show his love for them? He hung on a cross and died. Ramana allowed his meager possessions to be stolen. Submission to life's situations is flowing with love. To hate another, to cast away another is selfishness, no matter what pretty philosophical or psychological bows you wrap it in.

Peace

Nothing But Love

2011-06-30T08:49:00.000-07:00

On a hot day, as we look along the road from the car window, we see reflections in the road ahead of "water " shimmering on the pavement. As we approach, we see that it was a mirage. If we accept the vision we see as water, we are fooled. It is an illusion of water only. But if we see the shimmering, and we understand that it is heat moving the air that creates the effect, then we understand that it is hot outside the car. We are not fooled, as the "heat waves " are a true indicator of heat, not an illusion.

It has always seemed strange to me that in spirituality, the mind is cast into the role of villain, or at the very least into the character of charlatan. Concepts of maya, or the dream are created to dismiss the workings of the mind, and thoughts are seen as illusory.

The mind is not an independent entity. The mind is simply a "bag of thoughts ". The thoughts themselves make up the mind. When there are no thoughts, where is there a mind? The thoughts too, are looked at as misleading charlatans. But can they not be pointers beyond themselves to a vision of the Truth?

In Non-duality, we understand that there is only one substance. We can call it the Absolute, "God ", Love, Truth, or the "space " in which all appears, but we can all agree that there is only one substance. This being the conclusion, it becomes obvious that the thoughts are within that "space ". Thoughts passing through; expressions of the unfolding, are either allowed to "go on their way " or are "held " together in time, "forming " the bag of thoughts that appears as the "mind ".

Both the thoughts, and the bag that holds them, are not unlike the mirage we observe in the road; illusions if we take them for what they appear to be, but indicators of truth if we see them as theytruly are. The thoughts, the mind, are not villains or charlatans, they are simply misinterpreted as objects, movements, and feelings suspended in time. The mind, being really nothing but this collection of thoughts, is not the "creator" of the thoughts, but simply interprets them suspended in time. The thoughts themselves are part of the unfolding of the Absolute, of Life.

Those of you who know my teaching, know that I use the term Love in place of the Absolute. I do this for two reasons. The first, because this is how Love presents itself here. The second, because Love's understanding is in the heart. While the mind is not a villain or charlatan, it does tend to see the "shimmering " in the road as "water ". The collection of thoughts suspended in time, is seen by the mind as objects, movements and feelings, while the heart understands that there is only Love unfolding.

While many Non-duality teachers advise us to stay in the "I am " until it is recognized that the only thing in the "bag of thoughts " we can "know " is that we are. This only brings us to the door of understanding. To open the door, the key is in the Absolute (Love) itself. Just as we intellectually (bag of thoughts) understand that the "I am " is as far as the mind can go, we must exhaust ourselves in the search before this is real (realized). So it is with the key; the Absolute (Love). In order to "realize " Love as the "space " in which all unfolds, we need to see that we ARE Love. We do this by "being it ".

If we understand intellectually (bag of thoughts again), that Love is what we ARE, we need to make love a "practice ". This is done through service. To a "seeker ", especially one who is called to solitude or silence, this is sacrifice. To serve without reward, even praise or gratitude, opens the heart in a way that may even be missed by the dedicated "server ", but ultimately opens the heart to the Love that is the "space " in which everything unfolds.

This service, this living for Love alone, is the key to getting beyond the selfishness of the "I am ". Trying to escape the mind which clings to the "I am ", is only to strengthen it. To live for Love alone is to seek the "pearl of great price " . Just as we continue to see the mirage as "water ", we understand, have the conviction, that it is "heat waves " expressing as an "illusion " of water. So it is with the appearances of objects, movements and feelings. The mind (bag of thoughts suspended in time), sees objects, movements and feelings, but the heart, opened by living in Love (service), gains the conviction that this is all the unfolding of Love.

In this conviction, the mind is seen, not as a villain or charlatan, but a mirror in which the light of Love shines on the mystery unfolding before us. The tree=Love. The Sky=Love. The pain=Love. The "I am"=Love. When all is observed as love, with conviction, no matter the form it takes in the mind, we understand that we, the mind, and all else we "observe " is nothing but Love.

Peace

Surrendering Everything

2011-06-30T08:43:00.000-07:00

In relative terms, the human being is made up of spirit, mind and body. Absolutely, there is just spirit; Love. In what we refer to as "spirituality ", there is the seeking and investigating into realm of spirit. In the West, when the intellect and psychology (mind) become dissatisfied with organized religion, there is often begun a "search " for a "more meaningful spirituality ".

In this search for meaning, many turn to Eastern philosophies, many of which also contain an element of religion. Some "seekers " will swap a religion that has lost it's meaning for a new religion that seems to answer questions that were left "hanging " in the old belief system. But many in the West want to jettison all "belief " systems for a logic based, "scientific " view; a spirituality without spirit.

At the other extreme, we find those who put great value in "spiritual experiences ". We hear of "blue light experiences ", mysterious figures, or rising up to heaven in a kind of self styled "transfiguration ". Some of these also like to use the name "God " as if such a "sky captain " were a reality. Where is a simple seeker after Truth to go in this spiritual marketplace?

Those who advocate the logical, scientific view teach a kind of "biological/psychological" spirituality, or as I said above, a spirituality without spirit. These are the ones who see "love " as a biological process inherent in the brain. They also are the ones who engage in psychological "games " and "tricks " like "watching the mind" , "shadow work " or simply asking us to stop our minds in order to experience "awareness" without thought. (as if that were possible to do with the mind!) These are all wonderful psychological practices and are helpful in quieting the mind and finding psychological "blockages ". But they are not spiritual, they are in the mind.

And again, the "spiritual experience junkie ", with his vision's of "God ", "explosive awakenings" , or "blue light experiences " is also living in the mind, as this is where these "experiences " happen. These are the teachers who tell you to look for a particular experience; particularly one like they have had, that can be defined in a particular way. They see no problem with being able to say you must have this kind of experience, or it's not authentic. Again, this is obviously in the mind. If your "experience " is definable or describable, it is in the mind. Again, where is the simple seeker after Truth to go in this spiritual circus?

We have been given examples of spiritual masters, gurus and teachers for centuries. There have been examples in every major belief system from Buddhist, Advaita, Christian, Islam to those of no fixed or specific system. They are all different, have different approaches and have formulated, or not, methods and practices. Although they very widely in their behaviors, they have some things in common. The first being that they lived out their teaching in lives that were unique and set apart. Lives of humility, unconcerned for the conventions of the world. Buddha, Christ, Ramana Mahrashi, Nisargadatta Maharaj, all lived lives that were not only different from ours, but different from the time and people they lived among. (Of those, Nisargadatta lived the most "ordinary" life, but his earnestness, love and generosity were anything but "ordinary".)

To say that there is nothing "special " about these teachers, or spiritual masters is foolish on it's face. How many Christians live as Christ? How many Buddhists, outside the monastery, live as Buddha? How many live as Ramana Maharshi or Nisargadatta Maharaj? This is really the key. The spiritual life is a life apart; a life unique. It is a "being in the world, but not of it". It is a life worked out by oneself, following the call life gives you.

To think that you can engage the world in an "ordinary " manner, ordinary meaning in this context, living for ordinary, worldly values and aspirations, is foolish, but this is what many of the teachers of "spirituality without spirit " will tell you. On the other hand the teachers of "spiritual experience ", with their rarified awakenings, visions of "God " and all the rest of it, are separating those with "The Experience " from those who have not had "The Experience ". They will tell you of course, that you too can have this wonderful experience as well, but are sure to tell you that you have not had it yet, unless you are like them, and see it in their vision . The intellectual, "spirituality without spirit " teachers are living in, and teaching from, the mind, and the "spiritual experience " teachers are living in, and teaching from, the world of ego (also mind).

To be "in this world, but not of it " is clear in a Buddha, a Christ or a Ramana Maharshi. Why fool yourself by being a Sunday Christian or a Satsang participant who forgets all the inconvenient truths while living your daily life. When Christ told the rich young fellow to sell his possessions and follow him, the fellow went away sad. What makes you think you can follow and hang on to anything? You need to leave all behind, be it mind games of psychological "discovery " or dream visions of "The Experience", and follow the call that calls you to be yourself.

Nisargadatta's famous quote; "When I see that I am nothing, that is wisdom. When I see that I am everything, that is Love, between the two, my life continually flows." is the beginning. To live that out, without psychological self indulgence, or "experiential " spiritual pride is the beginning. To do this is to "step off the cliff " into the unknown, the unsure, and the potentially unsafe. But to the True "seeker "; the one who is called by something other than a desire for peace of mind or to relieve personal "suffering ", there is no choice. Love is calling, calling from within. You will either follow or remain in the "safe" world of the mind.

Peace

We have no Secrets, Only Love

2011-06-24T10:36:00.001-07:00

When I was about seventeen years old, I went to the theater to see a film called "David and Lisa". This was an independent film about David, a teenage boy who has an aversion to being touched. David feels that the touch of another human being will kill him. Placed in a mental institution by his parents, David strikes up an unlikely friendship with Lisa, an immature acting teen, who only speaks in rhyme, and will only communicate if she is spoken to in rhyme.

One of my favorite scenes from the film has the patients, on a field trip from the institution, waiting for a bus in the bus station. An unfriendly family, also waiting for the bus, becomes disturbed by their presence, and the father tells one of his children, "those people aren't normal" . Offended and hurt, some of the patients begin to cry and become upset. David comes forward and says to the father, "If you're normal, who wants to be normal?".

As I was seeing a psychiatrist weekly at that time, this became a kind of slogan for me; "If you're normal, who wants to be normal?". I was struggling with an identity crises at the time, my homosexuality coming to the surface. I had never been normal . I did not want to be normal. I had already had more than a year of psychiatry in my early childhood, and I did not like seeing this psychiatrist. At seventeen, I already knew more about myself, my motivations and "inner " life than anyone I knew, including most of the adults in my life. The shallowness, the emptiness of their pathetic lives was frightening. It was like living among robotic aliens.

Psychiatry to me, was like confession. I had told all my "secrets ". For a while, it was as if there was no "me " left. All those little things we keep hidden in our selves, that go to make up what we think we are, were gone. I was naked, scared, but very free. No one "had " anything on me, for it was all there on the table. I was my own. Naked, I was now free to "dress " myself as I chose. It was then that I chose to live for Love alone. Looking back, I can see that there really was no choosing, as there was never any choice, Love being the call I could not resist. All I knew was that life had to be experienced here, now, in it's own terms.

Now, as an aging human being, I can't say I feel any different. For many years I read and studied. I delved deeply into Christianity and Christian Mysticism. Then Nisargadatta Maharaj. I continue to have 60 or so books on the shelf that have inspired me, and I occasionally read bits here and there, but I don't read many new books or articles any longer. There are so many teachers, gurus and people that others have labeled as clear, holy, inspired and all the rest of it. But I have found that adapting others spiritual discoveries is only useful in gathering an intellectual understanding. The "teachings" must become alive in us. They must be lived.

When I was in school, I found that I could learn something much more thoroughly, if I took the reading and turned it into my own words, make it "my own", so to speak. If you read any of my notes or blogs, you will see that I try to explain my experiences and understandings in my own way. I will often use terms that are understandable to those who I feel will read my writing, but try not to use too much jargon or too many quotes. As a largely uneducated person, I try not to go beyond what I have found for myself. I know I am not normal. My "secrets " are gone. There remains nothing to protect. Life "wakes " in the morning, and I open my eyes to mystery.

In all honesty, apart from my Partner, I have no "friends ". Yet every "stranger " is loved. You, my readers are my life. I wish we could talk face to face. It would be so much clearer if we could share, and I could simply "be " with you. I was reading this morning that Robert Adams felt that self inquiry, and being in his presence were two ways to self discovery. I never really felt that "presence " would make a difference, but as the mystery of life unfolds through me, there is a greater sense that I would love to see deeply into your eyes, and speak directly to the love that is both speaking and hearing. But in a very real way, my writing is sharing a presence that lives both in it and in you.

Without secrets, we can be One. Without fear of who we are, we can see that stripped bare of masks we have the same face. Non-dual meetings or "satsangs " are more than "student " "teacher " get togethers. They are the Self meeting the Self. They are the celebration of the unfolding of Love. This is not "normal ". We are not "normal ". Who wants to be normal? There is no teacher. There is no student. We have no secrets, only Love.

Peace

"God and I are One, when God and I are not. "

2011-06-23T09:37:00.000-07:00

There are so many words for the ultimate reality. We call it God, The Absolute, or, if in "action ",nirvana, moksha or enlightenment and awakening. But none of that says very much.

Many who have "lived " this out, call it Love. This is my term for the ultimate reality, as that is how it presents itself here. But Love can be just another object if we see only the "word ", and not the reality itself. We all know love as an "emotion " or as a "feeling ". Some have felt it toward "others ", and some have felt it toward themselves. And sadly, some have sought it without finding it. But here, we are talking about being it.

Many of us have felt love of a personal kind. Familial love, parental love, romantic love are all kinds of personal love. We may look at love of "God " or love of "spirit " as a "higher " kind of love, but when all is said and done, this too is personal love. We see love as something we give, or something we receive, but this too, is not the same a being it.

I was drawn back to Christianity because of the Love of Christ. Not so much mine for him, as his for me. How selfish is that? "God is Love ", we are told by the Apostle. What can that mean? God IS Love. If this is the case, then the opposite is also true: Love IS God. This may be a better understanding, as it removes an unknown, unseen "God ", and replaces it with what appears to be a known quantity;Love. But this is not the same as being it.

The Love about which we speak, and the Love you are being encouraged to "become " is not personal love. This "God" is not the "God " we have imagined either, no matter how "spiritual " we envision him/her to be. When we examine carefully the image of "God ", it, like the image of ourselves, vanishes. The Love however remains. No "real me ", no "real God ", just the expression of Love, expressing itself through the "me " and the "God " "expressions ".

When we personalize either "God " or ourselves, we reduce love back to an emotion or a feeling. Sure, it's a great "feeling " to love and be loved by "God ", but in this case the "love " stands between "God " and "I ", as it is something we are giving and receiving between two separate entities. I once wrote "God and I are One, when God and I are not. " This is the key to non-duality. When "God " and "I " are no longer believed in as separate entities, only the Love remains. When we see this clearly, then we realize that we ARE Love.

There is no "yoking " with "God ", as the Christian monk strives for. We do not "become " "God " We "become " what we have always been; the yoke! That "yoke ", this Love, is creating and unfolding as the universe. "Our " appearance in this universe is as an expression of this Love unfolding. All we see as life is simply this unfolding of "expressions ". We do not so much "experience " a tree, as Love "expresses " as both observer and tree in order for Love to express as experiencing. In the state of pure "experiencing " (awareness), there are no "objects " observing or observed. This is non-duality. This is being Love. This is the impersonal Love, the universal Love, we hear about.

"I " do not love a "tree ". "I " do not love "God ". There is no "I ", "tree " or "God " separate from the Love that creates them, expresses through them. When we love another; spouse, lover, friend, we are only One when we are Love itself. As was said of "God " above; "You and I are One, when you and I are not!" There is only Love in expression. We call it Life.

Peace

Expressions of Love

2011-06-23T09:33:00.000-07:00

Like the reflection of the moon in the water, objects, including our own "image " are reflections or "expressions " of the one reality. The refection of the moon in the water is not the moon, but is neither an illusion, nor appears separate from the moon.

We, as well as the entire universe, are expressions or reflections of the one reality; Love. The inadequacy of the illustration of the reflection of the moon in the water is that, in this illustration, the moon and water are separate. In Love , the expressions, including ourselves, reflect in the stillness of Love itself.

In Love unfolding, the creative power of Love expresses itself through the creation of "expressions ". In the illustration of the moon/water, the water is either still or in motion. When there is stillness the moon is reflected, as it is. In Love/expression, the "expressions " are either still or in motion. The "stillness " of the expression is seen in the purity of the expression, as in a "tree ".

A tree grows, fruits, produces seeds and dies. This is what it does. It makes no decisions as to where it grows, how it grows, or what fruit it will produce. This is all part of potential. Not the "tree's" potential, but potential itself. There is no conflict. There is not even a need for "acceptance " on the part of the tree, as there is never any resistance to the potential. If only that were the case with us.

To return to the moon/water metaphor, we see that wind and other disturbances to the surface of the water cause waves and ripples which distort the image of the moon reflected there. This creates the "illusion " of an object, "like " the moon, but a distortion of it. In Love/expression, the waves and ripples are the thoughts of fear and separateness that distort the reflection of what we are in stillness; expressions of Love. When we take ourselves to be "different " from Love itself, seeing ourselves as the waves and ripples instead of Love's expression, we lose clear sight of Love itself, the reflection being distorted.

The waves and ripples which we take ourselves for, begin with the thought "I am ", and grow in to a tsunami of ideas, worlds and universes. With each new thought that arises that we identify with; likes, dislikes, that which we call "good" or "bad", all form together into the false identity of "us ". Just as the moon's reflection is distorted by the waves and ripples on the water, "our " image can become distorted from a still expression of Love into jealousy, greed, and even hate. The more we identify with the waves and ripples instead of the stillness itself from which they arise, the further away from our true nature we imagine ourselves.

Only by seeing the waves and ripples as expressions/reflections only, without independent existence, can we see that the whole is one seamless piece; all "reality ", all "illusion " appearing together. In the metaphor of moon/water, all we need do is look up from the refection to see the moon as it is. As expressions of Love, we must stop identifying with the waves and ripples of the expression (fear, anger, disappointment, etc.) and "look up " to the silent, stillness of Love that we are expressions of. We are Life itself. We are Love itself.

Peace

New Traditions in Non-Duality

2011-06-23T09:28:00.000-07:00

I was going to write about this for some time, but have hesitated because I know that this will be controversial. Reading a commentary on "Neo-Advaita " this morning however convinced me that this is the time.

All, or most of us in the non-dual spiritual community have heard of and respect Ramana Maharshi. He was a great teacher. He had a great smile and a great story. But he is not the "where all and be all " of non-duality. In a "Hindu " context, he follows the teaching of Advaita as they are laid out in the ancient texts, and by Shankara. This is traditional Advaita. But there is much more to non-duality than Advaita.

Advaita follows Hindu traditions of "samsara ", "maya ", "jiva " and re-birth. These are ideas and concepts that have some, but little relevance to Western ideas and concepts. The Western traditions of "sin ", "redempton " and "heaven " have little to do with Advaita, but are symbolic in Christianity and other Western traditions. To imagine one more "real " or "better " than the other is stepping onto a slippery slope.

One of the characteristics of fundamentalist Christianity is the view that Christ is the only hope of "salvation ", and the Bible is the only truth. When we indicate that Ramana is the arbiter of truth, and compare anyone's statement to his teaching for judgment, we are doing the exact same thing. To insist that only by understanding the concepts of "samsara ", "maya ", "jiva " and all the rest of it, is the only way to liberation is simply fundamentalism. To think that non-dualism requires an understanding of Hindu philosophy or cosmology is absurd.

Christians engage in lots of "missionary " work; work teaching and "converting " the non-Christian. This has been, and continues to be, justified by the idea that only those who "know " Christ will be "saved ". I fail to see how that is different from insisting that only those who are in line with the concepts of Ramana and traditional Advaita can be realized. Now, I know that this will be denied. Just as the fundamentalist Christian will say that "God loves everyone", I am sure the fundamentalist Advaitan will be open to other teachings, as long as they do not conflict with tradition, Shankara, or Ramana Maharshi.

People go to India, particularly Arunachala, and worship the place. Ramana Maharshi has been turned into a point of worship and prayer. He has become deified like Christ. His words are spoken with the same reverence by his devotees as those of Christ by fundamentalist Christians. Christ and Ramana are stories. There are lots of stories. Some in the modern West.

We see many teachers emerging in the West. Many come from a variety of traditions. Some have contact and experience in Eastern traditions, and they bring that to their teaching. The Eastern traditions often open up our experience in the Western traditions, but that does not mean that we have to "swap " one for the other. After finding the teachings of Nisargadatta Maharaj, it took me ten years to integrate these concepts into my own tradition. Truth is not the exclusive property of any one tradition, but can be seen in many.

I have written of how I have seen "gurus " among the developmentally disabled. I have seen them sleeping under cardboard in the slums, and in psychiatric hospitals. Had Ramana Maharshi been in the West; this man of silence who spoke to monkeys and cows, and wore a diaper, might very well have found himself in one of these situations. The West and the East are very different in culture and outlook. It is only reasonable to expect that the teachers will be different, and the expression unique.

When we judge another's teaching or spirituality based on the placement of one or two individuals being the "acme " of non-duality, we miss what is before us now. This is duality, and worship of personality. The article on Neo-Advaita I reference at the beginning refers to "both of the Great Self Realized Sages, Adi Shankara and Ramana Maharshi ", as if there were no other "Great Self Realized Sages" , either before, in between, or after. This is absurd on it's face, and is no different than holding Christ or the Buddha as the arbiter of all things spiritual.

As long as we compare modern, Western teachers by the standards set by Shankara, or Ramana, we are involved in fundamentalism. If one comes from a Western life, a Western tradition, it is "parroting" at it's most absurd to use Eastern thought, concepts and words to describe something that is experiential in a Western context. If I need to add to my "knowledge " to understand spirituality it is not "reality ", but more concepts.

I, for one, applaud the Jeff Fosters, Bentinho Massaros and Scott Kilobys, who along with others, are bringing non-duality to the West without the parroting of Eastern Teachers or using their words. These and others are finding a "new " tradition, one that resonates with those who find it. We in the West have our non-duality too. It may not look the same as that of the East, but it is neither inferior or "psudo".

Peace

"Wake up!", "Wake up!"

2011-06-23T09:23:00.000-07:00

When my partner and I were in Lincoln, England, at the Cathedral, we were responsible for a variety of duties, one of which was opening the Cathedral during week days to prepare for the early Mass.

In addition to the opening procedure (which included letting out any pigeons that had made there way in through the bell tower over night!), John served the priest at Mass, and I was responsible for ringing the morning bell, calling the City of Lincoln to worship.

I can not explain the great joy I experienced ringing that bell. The bell had to be rung a certain number of times to indicate the time and day. I am afraid, after 25 years, I have forgotten the formula, but when I was ringing the bell however, I never forgot. In "The Usages of the Cistercian Monks", it reads "The Abbot will confide the task of ringing the bells to a monk who is noted for punctuality, so that all may be done at the correct time." I took this very seriously. I am a punctual person.

When ringing the bells, which was a tradition that went back hundreds of years at Lincoln Cathedral, the Cathedral being at that time over 900 years old, I could feel the history. I was often "accompanied " by a medieval ringer, who although imaginary, had left a presence that was unmistakable. To fit into a centuries old tradition in Lincoln, being an American, was a great and humbling honor.

To call the town to Mass, to worship, was a great gift. "Wake up ", Wake up ", the bell would ring. I sometimes thought of those who might take exception to it all. "There are those damn bells again", I could hear the non appreciative sleeper say. But the bells were for the "believers ", not the sleepy."Wake up ", "Wake up " the bell would ring.

Today, as I write my notes and blogs, I again call "Wake up ", "Wake up ". The bells are ringing. Know this; you and I are One. The bells ring for us to "Wake up " out of this "dream " of you and I, and realize we are One. Hear the bells. They say OM.

Peace

We are all Together

2011-06-23T09:13:00.000-07:00

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together .
- John Lennon, "I am the Walrus"

In 1978, when I first encountered the "Cloud of Unknowing ", I read in the preface that the anonymous author was most likely an English country parson from the East Midlands. It went on to say how he had way of making difficult, complex ideas simple to understand, something I have been accused of, starting with my High School Philosophy teacher. The author of the "Cloud " also shows a very cautious way of warning his readers not to take everything he writes to heart without looking very closely for them selves, as his description is in words and the "unknowing " he is writing about is not available to the mind. I struggle with this, with every blog and note.

When, in a matter of five years, I found myself off to do volunteer work at Lincoln Cathedral, which I had never heard of before, I was surprised to find myself headed to the English East Midlands! The "Cloud " had changed my life. Here I was, in a strange place with my Partner, having sold all our possessions, and I felt at home. It was like bringing the "Cloud " home, and that country parson stayed by my side. He was like me. He was me.

In 1986 the Church proper, not liking the idea of two Gay men forming a religious community, forced it's closure. During the time the Community was struggling against closure, I discovered a book about Ramakrishna in the local library. This led to reading about Ramana Maharshi (it was next to Ramakrishna in the library.). When the community was finally closed down, we returned to San Francisco, but I was very keen to find more reading about Advaita Vedanta. In searching the San Francisco Library (a real treat after the Lincoln Library, I can tell you!) I stumbled upon "I AM THAT ".

When I opened "I AM THAT " for the first time, there in the library, and looked a the frontispiece; the picture of Nisargadatta Maharaj captivated me.

It was like looking into my own face. I could not read this book fast enough. It answered all the remaining questions and doubts I had tried to answer in Christianity. It was as if Nisargadatta was there with me, knew what I needed and directed me to it. Advaita itself was like confirming what I already "knew " but had no words for. Nisargadatta, even though he had left his physical body, became my Guru.

In dreams I have described elsewhere, Nisargadatta confirmed that we are one. Nisargadatta silently expressed that I should take "our " investment in Love and share it. You are reading some of that now.

After my "awakening ", also described elsewhere, I became aware that both the writer of the "Cloud " and Nisargadatta were no different than "me ", and that the "reader " of both the "Cloud " and "I AM THAT " were no different than the "writers ". I have a large photograph of Nisargadatta on one of my bookcases. In my house, I have only a couple of small photos of me and my Partner on horseback. When I want to see "me " I look at the picture of Nisargadatta with Love.

Once I realized that the English country parson and Nisargadatta were none other than the "Self ", I began to see that the Developmentally Disabled, the elderly and the homeless man peeing in the phone booth were also none other than the "Self ". I began to see the tree, the sky and the snail and slug as not separate, but the "Self " also. We are One. As you read this, you are reading your own words. But not "words ". The "Self " is loving itself. You, the reader, and I the writer are sharing Love. The words can't really say it, but the Love is here right now. I love you, and as John Lennon wrote in "I am the Walrus "; "...we are all together"!

Peace

Earnestness - Damn it! It is as Simple as That!

2011-06-12T14:07:00.000-07:00

Questioner: Your words are wise, your behavior noble, your grace all-powerful.

Nisargadatta Maharaj: I know nothing about it all and see no difference between you and me. My life is a succession of events, just like yours. Only I am detached and see the passing show as a passing show, while you stick to things and move along with them.

Q: What made you so dispassionate?

M: Nothing in particular. It so happened that I trusted my Guru. He told me I am nothing but my self and I believed him. Trusting him, I behaved accordingly and ceased caring for what was not me, nor mine.

Q: Why were you lucky to trust your teacher fully, while our trust is nominal and verbal?

M: Who can say? It happened so. Things happen without cause and reason and, after all, what does it matter, who is who? Your high opinion of me is your opinion only. Any moment you may change it. Why attach importance to opinions, even your own?

- I Am That - Nisargadatta Maharaj

"Trusting him, I behaved accordingly and ceased caring for what was not me, nor mine." As simple as that. Damn it! It is as simple as that! Nisargadatta describes his life as "...a succession of events, just like yours." , only with detachment. Nisargadatta trusted his Guru, behaved accordingly, and became not only detached, but realized.

Whether you trust an "external " guru, or an internal one, the behaving accordingly is the "proof of the pudding " and the "practice " all rolled into one. This living accordingly, is non-duality lived out.

Living out non-duality is not simply walking around with a smile on your face telling "others" that they are free. To hear it told, we are all free. This is a mantra; We are all free. Do you truly understand this "freedom"? Is this in your experience, or did someone tell you? Could you have read it somewhere? It's easy to do! Why, you were never bound, you have always been free! But is this how you feel?

The step into the unknown seems a potentially dangerous step. We often will put up with a great deal before we will act to change anything. This is why it often takes personality breakdowns, divorce, substance abuse, mental illness, or other traumatic events to get us started on the search. Why is this? Because of the need for earnestness. When life kicks your backside once too often, an earnest desire for change begins to grow like a callous.

Of course, earnestness can come simply from a love of "God ", or spirit, or the "search " itself. As much as many teachers will insist that there should be no "search ", as that only reinforces the belief in a "searcher ", the search itself is part of the uncovering of the "truth ". The earnestness is already present. It is the "flow" of Love in action. We do not have to "muster " it, just catch it's tail and accept the ride. Yes, it is as simple as that, but only to the truly earnest.

The strange question asked by the questioner above; "Why were you lucky to trust your teacher fully, while our trust is nominal and verbal?" tends to answer itself in the asking. "Our trust is nominal and verbal ", says why the lack of earnestness, but lays it at the feet of destiny or luck. Nisargadatta's reply put's it up to Grace; "Who can say? It happened so. Things happen without cause and reason and, after all, what does it matter, who is who?" . This is his answer then; those who are favored by Grace will have the earnestness to realize the self. Is that you?

It certainly is not you if you are one of the "no effort ", "no practice" kind of seekers. It is certainly not you if you simply follow your teacher without question or discrimination. While Nisargadatta trusted his teacher, he also behaved accordingly. This means that before his complete understanding, Nisargadatta lived his life "as if " he had the understanding of his teacher, simply on love and trust for his Guru. Nisargadatta did not blindly follow, but lived a life that revealed, both before and after realization, the truth of his teacher's wisdom.

I have written before of this living "as if ". This is not pretending. This is the earnest acceptance of the "truth " on trust, until realization. This is the sacrifice. This is the earnestness. It's kind of like crank starting an old Model "T ". Effort is required at first, but once going it runs on it's own. Without this effort, which comes from Grace, there is no starting this "journey", let alone staying with it until completion.

Later in I Am That, Nisargadatta points out the ultimate earnestness he is talking about;" We discover it (the self) by being earnest, by searching, enquiring, questioning daily and hourly, by giving one's life to this discovery". By giving one's life to this discovery. That is really the description of earnestness; to give one's life. If this "search " that is not a "search ", is to bare fruit, it must be the most important thing. You must not let yourself be satisfied with mere intellectual knowledge, but seek to be that which you seek. Does Grace offer you that opportunity? Do you have the Grace of earnestness? As I said at the beginning, Damn it! It's as simple as that!

Peace

The Loving Eyes of Poverty

2011-06-11T15:36:00.000-07:00

I wanted to write something more about poverty. I know I wrote a previous note on poverty called "Non-Duality, Poverty, and the Cross ", but it was a bit on the "cerebral " side. I know that this, like much of what I write about, is not a popular topic, but it strikes me that "living out " non-duality must at least accept poverty, if not "embrace " it.

I use the word "embrace " a bit factitiously. In an article in the Lincolnshire newspaper, our religious community was described as "embracing poverty ". Again, more recently, the idea of "rejoicing " in poverty came up in an interview. I have never wanted to give the impression that poverty is something that I either relish or look forward to.

I wanted to tell a couple of stories that I hope will give a bit of insight into how I see poverty.

When my partner and I were forming the Community of the Living Sacrifice, we were sent to live for a time with another Anglican Community. One of the things being "tossed around " in the community formation was whether we were going to adopt habits, and what they would look like.

While we were staying with the Brothers, we were all invited to the adjacent town to a church gathering. Their car having been recently in a collision, we all had to walk. It was asked by one of the monks, if they were to wear their habits, and the abbot insisted upon it. So we walked, maybe four or five miles, John and I being the only ones in "street" clothes. A whole new view of the monk's habit permanently entered my mind that day.

Needless to say, habits were not part of our community's rule.

We were observed like the circus had come to town! As self conscious as John and I felt, the monks seemed to relish the attention. As we walked through town, people would smile or make the sign of the cross, or back away reverently in a most embarrassing manner. These habits; these relics from the past, were once meant to be a willing acceptance of the clothes of the poor. Monks habits are replications of medieval "working class" wear. But in a modern setting, they scream out "Holy Man". They serve just the opposite purpose for which they were intended. Instead of allowing the monk to blend in, to be an unnoticed beggar, they now announce his "separateness", his "specialness". Needless to say, our community did not include habits in the rule.

The second story happened during one of our periods of homelessness. We were lucky in that we were always homeless with a car. On this particular occasion however, the car broke down on a sunday night. We were in Monterey, California, and knew no one there. We arranged to have the car repaired on Monday, so we could make it back to the San Francisco Bay Area, but needed to sleep in it for the night.

We found a Safeway store across from a public toilet, and decided to camp out in the parking lot for the night. It did not take long before we realized that we were not alone. At least another three cars came in and shut down their lights, their occupants attempting to get their heads down. And then we all saw the man with the keys.

They were shutting the toilets. A simple thing. Keeping the town clean. Keeping the homeless out. My God, that's me! This is poverty. This is the kind of poverty that I had hoped to design into the "rule" for the community.

I think a monk must understand real, human poverty. Not some "giving up", or wearing rough clothing, or even hard work, but the real degradation of poverty. Not having the simple dignity of a basic toilet. Being in a city and having to "make do". How often do we have the Grace to experience these kinds of things? Yes, I call it a Grace, because this is freedom. Not the grinding poverty or the humiliation itself. That stinks. But the ability to accept, maybe even thrive in those conditions.

You might inquire, "sure poverty may be great in Christianity or Bhakti Yoga, but what about advaita, or non-duality?" Poverty allows you to be open. As Bobby Dylan sang' "if you ain't got nothin', you got nothin' to lose." And this applies spiritually as well. With no conceptual identification, there is nothing to "give up". To be willing to accept (not necessarily embracing), poverty, should it come, is the willingness to flow with the movement. Relax upon a sea of trust, worrying not for tomorrow.

This means, not only accepting physical, monetary poverty, but that biblical promise guaranteeing you will "posses the kingdom"; poverty of spirit. "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for their's is the Kingdom of Heaven". When you are down to you last dime, and the world holds you in contempt. This is poverty. When you are down to your last concept (I am), and the mind stops of it's own volition in a poverty of ideas, then the holy can enter; you can posses the kingdom of Heaven.

Poverty is the life of Oneness. Jesus, the Christ, Ramana Maharshi, Nisargadatta Maharaj all lived in, and accepted poverty. Sometimes they accepted what was offered, other times not. You must make your decision regarding this "practice" for yourself. I would only say that the amount of earnestness you give to your spiritual life will be shown in that living. Poverty need not be sought, but accepted with joy. The less you indulge the "I", the more readily it will take up it's place as servant to the Absolute.

The photograph of the homeless woman above always brings tears to my eyes. Not because of her poverty, but because of the determined way she eats her yogurt. I can feel the tear filled gratitude of each spoonful. I have known those tears. Those tears are mine. Poverty has removed the seperation I might feel from her. Poverty has given me the Grace to see her love, in the spoon, in the "earnest" way she keeps her things. Sadness here? Perhaps. But Love abounding, seen through the loving eyes of poverty.

Peace

Just the Beginning

2011-06-09T14:35:00.000-07:00

Non-Dualists spend a lot of time thinking, philosophizing, and attending satsang. Although, I have never attended a satsang, I am guilty of the other two. In fact, when it comes to philosophizing, I have appointed myself a "teacher". But it is not really philosophy I "teach ", as that is not where my expertise lies. It is Love I share.

The particular "incident " that brought about the absolute conviction that there was only Love here, where this "Bill " used to be, is of no real importance. What matters is how will there be "pointing " to that, which has become the unfolding found here.

I believe that one of the "stumbling blocks " to awakening is the fear of Love itself. I don't mean a fear of the emotion "love" , but the "power " we sense. If we have been called to seek, not just to solve a "problem " or seek peace of mind, but a true calling that won't let us alone, it is Love calling itself to "seek " . We are called to enter into the "play of Love "; the call, the search, the awakening. Everything, including the mind and the "things " are part of that play.

One of the scariest, trickiest, and ultimately rewarding things we must do is to integrate our "selves " "lives " and "spirituality " into One. We need to understand that all this talk of illusions andappearances, as apposed to "the real " is simple duality. The appearances and illusions, stem from, and are inseparable from the Absolute. In the expressions of the Absolute, I am no judge as to "real " and "unreal ". Falling into acceptance, all is One.

Accepting the "realities " of pain, disappointment, and grief, as presented to this "illusory person ", are part of the real. The "illusory person " plays his part in this play of Love. We can't separate our "spiritual " side from our "body/mind " side, as they are one integral piece.

In the beginning, we learn that the mind is in control, and that it must be understood, ignored, and eventually put into it's place. This is self inquiry; the search for the "I am ". Once the "I am " is recognized, the scary part I referred to above occurs. We now have to integrate this "knowledge " with "life as it is ". They are really one thing, but by now we have isolated the mind, and it must be welcomed back into the fold.

This "switch " of the mind from master to servant is really the whole of the play of Love. But this is what many fear. It is much easier to stay in "awareness "; to empty the mind. This is a safe place. Silence. Peace. Awareness. This sounds comforting to the mind, and this is where many, if not most, get "stuck ". Somewhere along the line, life must "re-integrate ".

It's no big trick, master calculation, or philosophical conundrum, it's a "gut " thing; an act of "Grace ". But it requires more than "human " courage. It requires a surrender of courage. A helplessness that surrenders even the thought of redemption. A trust without option. Being willing to be absorbed into all that is, losing the individual, and gaining the "all", without "knowing " it, just being it. And then the trick remains to bring the "mind ", "personality", and all the illusory "stuff " into the understanding. This is how emptiness "dances " to paraphrase Adayashanti.

Ramana Maharshi, went into a deep state of Samadhi in his teens. Had he not have been found and cared for by devotees, he might have died. It took Ramana time to integrate his awakening with the "life " around him, and he began to speak again. Isolating yourself into a "corner " of awareness, no matter how blissful, or "aware" separates what you are. Just because the wave sees that it is part and parcel of the ocean, does not mean it's "life " as a wave is over. This discovery is just the beginning.

Peace

"Oh My God!"

2011-06-05T15:52:00.000-07:00

As spiritual writers and "teachers " we often use the word "God ". It is a word that has a variety of meanings to a wide variety of people. But is conveys meaning beyond the specific meaning given it by any particular religion. It is the "reference ", the "absolute authority ". "God " is seen as creator, destroyer, savior, punisher, or any number of "human " based images. But "God " is illusion.

Now, by illusion I don't mean "God " is a total "figment ". "God ", like our individual appearance, is an expression. This morning when I was planning to write this, I was thinking of using the idea of "expression ", as in a facial expression, like a smile, wink or smirk. I was thinking of saying that "we are expressions of Love. (in place of "God") Like a smile on Love's face" . But there I was "personifying " again.

This could be the single largest problem in really understanding. When we become familiar with non-duality, we begin to understand that the concept of "God " is mind based. Some may reject religion altogether, and even change their vocabulary so pro - nouns are no longer allowed, and only "Oneness " recognized. Any mention of "God " in such a setting is scoffed at, at best, and could lead to rejection from the "non-dual community".

This results in the kind of dry, passionless, intellectual non-duality we see in many Western satsang situations. Some, newly awakened "expressions " believe their "experience " is what made them "aware ", so now they are devising "methods", "plans ", and "courses " to help you recreate their experiences. Spirituality becomes mind games and "practices ", no matter what "new age " names you label them with, even if you insist they "aren't practices ". This becomes psychological nonsense; "push out the bad thoughts, bring in the good". Where is the passion that love of "God " used to bring?

This creates, what was for me, the great paradox. Reason tells us that "God " is a concept. Experience tells us that "God " is a concept. Any amount of self inquiry should put both yourself and "God " in perspective. We find that "God " is an "expression " of the "all ", but the concept is anexpression of us. We create "God" in our own image ". The movement of Love is the foundation, the "space" as it were, "God " and "ourselves " being the expressions of that movement. We then extrapolate a "God " as a "grand us ". "God is more loving than us, and a whole lot meaner!" "God " is the original "superhero ".

The point is, whenever we use the term "God " we bring up images. Even in Advaita circles, "God " is mentioned repeatedly. Nisargadatta Maharaj used the term "God " often, and often in different contexts. Sometimes in the conventional way, sometimes as the Absolute. The Christ spoke of the "Father ". Ramana Maharshi was/and is himself worshiped and prayed to. Even places like Arunachala, Mecca, or Jerusalem are worshiped; held as "holy". What does this mean?

There is a natural desire for worship in mankind, perhaps in the universe. The Christ talked of the "stones rising up". This natural desire stems from the fact that we ARE worship, we ARE gratitude, we ARE expressions of Love in movement.

My writing has been spoken of as being "from the heart ". I was referred to in an interview as a "heart teacher ". I hope that does not mean that I am some kind of "bliss bunny ". I live every day of my life immersed in Love, and yet I believe in no "God ". I love fairy tales, but I have no desire to live in one. On the other hand, I do not accept some "scientific" explanations like the "Big Bang ". "God " and the "Big Bang " are equal in relevance and intelligence if you ask me. They are both man made "answers " to unanswerable questions.

I try not to use the word "God " without brackets. It is a word and idea deeply implanted in my brain, and I try very hard to make it understood when I do use it. I do this because the relationship "we " have with "God " is of vital importance to awareness. The love we feel for "God ", whether in our "neighbor ", the natural world or ourselves IS what we are. "God ", "neighbor ", world and ourselves all arising as expressions of that Love that we ARE.

The Love is real. You could say the "Love of God " is real, but not "God ". But that is confusing. If "God " is Love, then to love is to BE "God ". To love your neighbor as yourself is also it BE "God ". We can only be Love when we are totally immersed in our true being. When ideas of "I " are nowhere to be found, and ideas of "God " vanish along with them, we can relax into the Love that remains; the only thing that was there in the first place.

Peace.

"...tell us all that you Dare!"

2011-06-05T15:48:00.001-07:00

When my Partner and I first arrived in Lincoln, Engalnd, at Lincoln Cathedral, we quickly became aware that the clergy and congregation had made arrangements among themselves to have us over to dinner in rotation or pay us a welcoming visit at least every week. In line with that, a wonderful elderly Canon and his wife, named Parker came for a visit, with tea and biscuits, of course.

John and I were the talk of the Cathedral Yard, having just arrived from San Francisco, and rumored to be Gay! Everyone was dying to hear whatever gossip they could, and the Parkers were no exception. But to this day, I will never forget Canon Parker's first remark, after we had all been seated with our tea and plates of biscuits; "Now boys, tell us what you dare!"

"Tell us what you dare " becomes the key word, for me, when it comes to "self inquiry ". We can look at the "I am " or the "who am I? " as closely as we can or want, but the "seeker "; that beginning adult in search of childhood, needs to come to terms with that "dream child " only half remembered. This can be scary stuff.

I was fortunate in a way, as I saw my first psychiatrist when I was only 9 or 10. I saw him at San Francisco's sprawling (for then!) UC Med Center. Dr. Shade. What a questionable name for a child psychiatrist; Dr. Shade. But I started on a run that would be an ongoing theme in my life. I was a "bit " nuts. But I was "bright ", what ever that meant. I did not want to be bright, I wanted to be happy.

But I have to admit that exposure to Rorschach Tests, personality inventories, and the simple idea of "inner" exploration was a foundation in personal study, behavioral scrutiny, and "mask removal " that has become a part of my daily life. I learned as a child to see this "Bill " as a mask. Exploring the "I am " can lead you to the conclusion that you can "experience " your "existence ", and little more. The mind all the while, remains a storeroom of masks. The mind tells you that "you are ". But to get to "where you are ", you need to ask your "self " to "tell us all you dare ".

Secrets, not little, stupid secrets, or big, horrible secrets, but the secrets we all tell ourselves, like "I'm better than he is." or "I'm more advanced spiritually than they are." or the reverse; "I'm worthless" or "I have committed great sins." are the reason we look inside. Not just for the sake of "spirituality", but for the simplification of our lives. Our lives are spirituality itself, alive and unfolding before us. Integration brings spirit and the "mundane" together, losing the whole concept of "mundane" in the process.

When we have explored as much as we can, and we find we are running into resistance, it is then we must ask ourselves the Parker's inquiry; tell us all you dare. Look deeply, dangerously close. The only way to discover the angel in the castle may be to discover and deal with the a..hole trying to block the door.

Many so called "spiritual practices" today involve psychological and therapeutic practices that may or may not "work". Spiritual "teachers" should offer pointings that open the mind in new directions, or bypass the mind altogether, and strike at the heart.

Psychologists and Psychiatrists should offer guidance in the "inner search " of the mind. It is wonderful when both disciplines and studies are found in the same person. A psychologist well versed in Advaita, or non-dualism can be a great benefit to a client or "student ", but this can be rather "dodgy " ground; this combination "therapist/guru ".

Likewise, the "suddenly aware" guru or teacher who believes he can now offer psychological practices, no matter how rudimentary or basic, without the years of training necessary to deal with unexpected complications, would be best to stick to "pointing".

Until you are ready to "tell what you dare " in a way that hurts, a way that makes you scream "no, no, that's not me," until you drop all the masks and stand there in the strength and openness that nakedness offers, there is still an "I" hiding in the works. This "I" has to go. This is sacrifice. No, it's not some trip to the Lions in the arena. It's not some idealized "sacred " sacrifice, or even dying for your children or friends. It's living each day, good or bad, with the most love you can express into life. You can only do this when you are open, when you are free, when you tell us all you dare!

Peace

Pinocchio - A story of Enlightenment

2011-06-03T14:55:00.001-07:00

It's funny how many spiritual pointers can be found in the tales and stories from our childhood. I was thinking about Pinocchio today in reference to writing about the body/mind being a kind of puppet.

Pinocchio is a perfect allegory of enlightenment. The puppet, Pinocchio, is created out of the earnestness and selfless love of Geppetto. What a great allegorical depiction of creation. Geppetto prays for love, and it is fulfilled in the form of a life.

And Pinocchio himself, as all who are created from love must, has to find the balance of "supposed " free will and following his heart.

Pinocchio is a puppet who wants to be a real boy. This is an ideal picture of the "seeker ". Everything moves well, life is ok. School or work are ok. But there's this nagging feeling of superficiality, like playing a part, being a kind of a "puppet", and longing to be "real ". And what is it that makes Pinocchio, and us for that matter "real " ? Unconditional Love.

Pinocchio learns that "self " indulgence leads, quite literally, to making an ass of yourself. Sacrifice, as in the rescue of Geppetto, brought about the "real " that Pinocchio sought.

The lesson here is clear. Life is "created " from Love. And, even though a "puppet ", the "puppet " still has the "choice " as to "who's " "puppet " it is going to be. It can mistakenly view itself as a separate "got no strings " ego, me, I. But then it is a puppet only to itself, without even being "aware " of it. The mind sees itself as in control, the puppet now being "in charge" of the puppet. This of course, is ridicules.

Unlike with Pinocchio, in a sense, there is no getting away from being a "puppet ". The body/mind is a puppet; a thing that is "born " and "dies ". It is the creation of Love; the residue of the movement of unfolding potential. The "change " we all seek; this becoming "real ", as it were, is the "handing over " of the "strings " to the heart. It's as simple as that.

There is no need to beat down the mind, or subdue the body. All that need be done is to exchange the mind as a "puppet master " who calls and choreographs, and "makes " the puppet dance, for the heart. The heart is a "puppet master " who lays out potential like the well placed props on a dance floor. In it's hands the dancing puppet is free to become the "real boy " it has aleays been.

Call it destiny, or call it potential, we are puppets. These bodies, these minds are but expressions of the unfolding universe. We can live out our lives letting the puppet imagine that it is operating itself, or we can completely surrender, and let the creator of the puppet fulfill it's "purpose " in the unfolding. Then we can all be "Real Boys and Girls"

Peace

My Angel

2011-06-01T16:35:00.000-07:00

While allowing the mind to drift today, I was brought back to a time that should have been incredibly bad, but has left nothing but sweet memories. It is almost incredible to me now to think back, but I actually remember none of the bad things that no doubt "spun" around me.

When I was about five, maybe six, my family fell on hard times, and I was hit by a car. Now, these events had no relationship to each other, they were just things that happen to anyone. My folks had made some bad financial decisions (my dad drank!), and we found ourselves living in the dinning room of my Maternal Grandparent's house.

To a young boy, this was no hardship. This was adventure. This room was not only where we shared our family holiday dinners, but at night it had always been a spooky room that one had to run through to avoid what inevitably lurked there in the dark. It also contained "The Closet "; a place filled with Victorian clothing and hats no one had worn since the nineteenth century, and my Grandfather's "secret " trunk filled with treasures and ghosts of his adventures. Such a room was no problem for a boy of six. Besides, he had his Brother and Mom and Dad in there with him.

Being poor was not too bad, but sometimes going without the necessities, like a good collection of marbles, was rough on a six year old. One day, completely out of the blue, my Grandfather gave me a dime. I don't know if I had done something cute, or if maybe I had just not done something bad, but I was not going to question my luck. Now, to think of what to do with a whole dime?

A little dime, so much smaller than a nickel, but worth twice as much. An important thing to remember for a six year old. What to get really did not take much thinking; more marbles. Even though I did not play with other kids much, I liked having a huge marble collection. After school today, I would slip down to Woolworth's and get myself a new bag of marbles!

All went well, until the walk home with my new treasure of 25 cat's eyes. While walking across the street from the Catholic School; St. Rafael's, I was stuck in the crosswalk by a speeding car. Now here comes the interesting, and "spiritual " part. I was thrown fifty feet across the street, and landed on the hood of a parked car in front of the Church. This is all part of what I learned from the newspaper reports of the event. I have no actual "memory " of this, most likely simpley flying unconsciously through the air.

Somewhere along the line, a kind woman who was at the Catholic School to pick up her children, picked me off the hood of the parked car and drove me to the hospital, which was, thankfully, near by. Again, I have no memory of this, except for one image that has stayed with me. The woman's son, a boy about twice my age, was sitting at my head as I lay bleeding all over their car. He was looking down with a caring look on his face that I will never forget. It was serene and angelic, and I had, and have no doubt that Love rode in the back seat of that car that day.

I remember very little of the next few hours or days. I have no memory of the pain. The only lasting memories of the event are of my First Grade Teacher, Mrs. Pacheco bringing me a little lead Hopalong Cassidy figure, and lying there, in my Grandparent's dinning room in the dark, with my Brother and Folks listing to Ozzie and Harriet and Archie Andrews on the radio. Of course, I will always remember the charming boy, smiling gently down at one shocked little puppy.

Today, as I was about to write this, it occurred to me how the memories of what would seem a "trying " time, have all become happy, even lovely memories. Although I was lucky to escape with only a few facial cuts, a lot of teeth knocked out, and a limp that stayed with me until my forties, I recovered over a period of weeks, and had terrible nightmares. So I am told, for I have no memory of the headaches, the ear aches, or the nightmares. All I am left with are the things that brought me love. The painful events, like the nightmares, having vanished in the love this all brought to me.

So easy it would be if we could all just live with the memories of Love, discarding the pain and suffering as it arises. All memories of pain and suffering from that event, are memories of those around me, telling my story. I have no memories but of a token present from a teacher who showed me not only that she cared, but that she had some idea who I was. And the memory of the late night radio shows; Ozzie and Harriet were like my story unfolding, only it seemed funnier, but no less loving. And if only, in the midst of tragedy and pain, we can realize the angel who sits with us in the worst of it all, smiling down, silently being One with us.

Peace

The "Sparkling Wonder"

2011-05-31T14:41:00.000-07:00

On warm Spring and Summer nights when I was a boy, I used to love to lay back on the lawn and look up at the stars. Before I started attending school, the sparkling wonder spread out before me like the twinkling lights that used to appear before my eyes while drifting off to sleep.

When I was a bit older and in school, I still loved the night sky, but now it was counting shooting stars, and knowing what they really were. Thinking about the "race for space " and all that went with that. The "sparkling wonder " started to become "possessed " by the mind. This is the problem with the mind; this tendency, demand really, to "possess ".

The more powerful the mind, the more need there seems for this desire to possess. This is what makesunlearning, so important to "spiritual progress ", so difficult. When the mind sees the night sky, instead of leaving it at "beauty ", or "profound ", which are already mental constructs, it goes on to, "dark ", "brilliant ", or what ever mind "modifications " can be applied to "capture " this "thing ". The mind constructs "galaxies ", "nebula " (one of my particular favorites!), "black holes " (another pretty cool one!), and so on, until the "sparkling wonder " is fit smoothly into "knowledge ". (sorry to keep using the "sparkling wonder" analogy, as I realize it too, is a mental construct, but try to see it as a child would; Awe, without the word, awe.)

With knowledge we take possession of thoughts, and sets of thoughts that we gain from others, or from experiences that we interpret using the thoughts of others. By the time we have left the "sparkling wonder " stage, we are so filled with, not only other's ideas, but other's ideas about who we are, that we have long forgotten the simple awe of the night sky. But oh, we "possess " the night sky now. We can tell you how it works. Kind of. We can tell you how it was created. Kind of. We have taken "Awe " and categorized the Heart, the Love, the "God " out of it.

We all find that unlearning is much harder than learning. We look up at the night sky, and we remember vaguely what it was like, that "sparkling wonder ". This faint "memory " is not really a memory at all, but a calling as if through a mist, of a still, small voice speaking the silence that was before "night ", "dark ", or "stars ". We must be carful not to construct an "actual memory " (how's that for an oxymoron?). Let's not create a "story " of how we saw the night sky as a child, but follow that call that beckons you home to realization of the ever present "sparkling wonder ".

Peace

We are not the Dancers, We are the Dance!

2011-05-29T07:35:00.000-07:00

In non-duality, we tend to think of the concept of the "other " as the very heart of duality. Of course the "I am " thought is actually the culprit here, the concept of the "other " not being possible without it.

Both the "I am " thought and the thought of the "other" arise in one movement of Love. This unfolding movement of potential, although completely unexplainable, expresses itself in the "I am " and "other " thoughts. These expressions are "innocent ". By innocent, I mean that they have no "independent existence " of there own, being only "expressions " of the unfolding reality.

There is nothing "wrong " with the expressions, no matter their ultimate illusory quality. They are "real" in their place in the relative. "Understanding ", or "awareness " is really a matter of "seeing " the "real" and the "illusory " mingle together in the oneness of life. The mind can seem a deceiving enemy like the "snake" in the Garden, lying in wait to snare the innocent seeker, but this is not so.

The mind and the heart both have a place in the oneness that we are. They are not separate, but again, function as one movement . This is something we can not emphasize too often; everything, past, present and future, unfold together in one unfolding of potential. The mind recognizes the "search ", and more significant, it recognizes the "importance " of the search. It has no details, which it would dearly love to have. The more complicated the details the more work for the mind, and the mind is a workaholic.

Without details; "facts" the mind can mull over, the mind goes either into "imagination " or "silence ". In the play land of imagination, memories of "past expressions " are played back as if new. Some are strung together in creative ways to form whole new fantasies, emotions, and "experiences ". Imagination, no matter how "spiritual " it is, is just a clown show that "makes up " new "acts " with every thought.

If the mind goes into silence, a real silence of both mind and heart, then both heart and mind are open to "learning " from that silence. This is a learning that the heart understands, but the mind, while "sensing " the presence of the "learning ", is unable to express. Sensing the presence of the "awesomeness " of this "learning ", the mind assumes it's natural place as servant to the heart. This is the restoration of balance. Instead of allowing the mind to "run the show ", which is the typical way, the mind is seen clearly, and respected for what it is.

Instead of treating the mind like it was an enemy, let the mind study, meditate, and tire itself of all the extraneous thoughts. Thoughts can be amusing, entertaining and educational! It's just a matter of seeing them for what they are. When the mind gets tired of playing in imagination, and goes silent, then the real "learning " takes place. It is here we begin to see the "other "; that indispensible "companion expression" to our "I am" , as simply part of the same dance.

There is only the One unfolding, all apparent objects being "expressions" of that one silent movement. We cannot separate ourselves from this movement. The "other ", whether something we love, or something we wish we had never seen or heard of, is part of the same movement. Both the "other " and the "I am " are companions; partners in this dance we call life. So take to the floor, spin, unwind, unfold. We are not the dancers, we are the Dance!

Peace

Unfolding

2011-05-28T16:28:00.000-07:00

I use the term "unfolding " a good deal in my writing. It is a term widely used by many other spiritual writers as well. I can not explain why it is used by others, but it is easy to explain here; it is how things appear.

I don't have any vision of "destiny", "predestination ", or "karmic action ", "heaven " or "hell ", or any of that nonsense. I see, swirling all around, unfolding potential. I once described this unfolding potential as being like the "perpetual unfolding of a perpetual rose". Always in movement; a dance of Love, always fresh with dew; ever morning.

The tiny hands of the child in the womb, unfold like the petals of the flower, or the needles of the pine. Think of the enfoldment of the forest in the seed, the world in the Love of God.

Unfolding from between the soft hiding places of Father's coat, we sally forth, safe in Love. Imagining mountains and valleys in the unfolding of the sheets and blankets around our toes, life is unfolding in one sensuous, awkward, bumbling pirouette.

Peace

...ending in a Child's Giggle.

2011-05-21T16:10:00.000-07:00

When I was 16, going on 17, and was lucky enough to have squeezed into the only High School Philosophy class in the district, I used to drive my best buddy nuts with it. Our periods of walking his dog, or walks to school became sessions of deep philosophical discourse.

On one such spring evening stroll, with Beagle in tow, my pal and I discovered a "proof " for the existence of God. I can't for the life of me remember what we had come up with, but it was real "tear producing " discovery at the time. I was ecstatic. The first thing I thought to do was call my philosophy teacher.

Now, this was a Saturday night, not a school night, tomorrow was Sunday, a whole day away from school, and I couldn't wait. I had to call Mr. Curtin. He was probably my most inspiring teacher. I have written of him before. He was the teacher who inspired me to look into philosophy in the first place, when I was about 15.

It was not so much that I wanted to show off to him that we had "proven " God, or that I was somehow "kissing up ", but in my naivety, I had a genuine belief that, now that I had proven God, he would certainly want to know!

He was, to my grateful relief, not unhappy that I called. We discussed my findings, and I was a bit deflated to find that Anselm had had similar findings centuries before. He also inserted a poser: "If indeed you boys have proven God; how would you prove he was "good"?"

Recalling that incident, I am reminded that in the spiritual "journey " we will be given many "revelations ". Some will seem new, but are actually glimpses into a common consciousness. But in spite of being common revelations, they are "revelations " just the same, and "experienced " through this body/mind as expressions of the movement of Love, the Absolute. Old "truths " are being "experienced " and becoming "our " old truths.

I am also reminded of how the last question my philosophy teacher posed; "How would you prove that god is "good "?, became a question I would ponder much of my life. Ponder, that is, until I discovered that the only "answer" was to delve into it so deeply that I "became " the answer. In that silence an "infilling " gave the answer and removed the need for the answer, in one unfolding that starts with awe and ends in a child's giggle.

Ahimsananda - Contemplation, Meditation, going beyond Awareness

2011-05-17T17:18:00.000-07:00

Living Out Non-Duality - Is there a Choice?

2011-05-15T14:58:00.000-07:00

I spent most of the first fifty years of my life as a Christian believer, with the exception of a dozen years or so in early adulthood as an agnostic. Even during those agnostic years I read and searched everything from spiritualism to channeled entities. Today I live out unicity as best I can, and see no separation between this body and this world.

Upon awakening to the one reality, and after a period of ten years, I attempted to write about my findings. Having been asked to write the rule for the religious community I was a part of, by the Dean of Lincoln Cathedral fifteen years earlier, I decided to put my findings into the context of that rule. I would attempt to see if this understanding, that came to me in an instant of awakening, could be understood in this rule that I had solemnly made vows to follow so many years earlier. The result was "Community of One - The Journey Beyond Christianity " While unfortunately this book has never seen print, it was a chance to see if I had remained "true" to both the rule and this "awakened" understanding.

This was an arduous task. I was working at a HUD property for the elderly at the time, and would spend my time, while working, thinking about the next chapter I would write on Sunday. Sunday was the only day I had access to a computer, my employer kindly allowing me to use the apartment office computer to write. This led me to meditate/contemplate for most of the day, every day for over a year.

One of the principal reasons that I rejoined the Church and sold my possessions to lead a life of solitude and service was to live a life of integrity. Integration of spiritual "search " and the work I did, and the life I led became one piece. I had always tried to live in integrity, indeed I could, and can not see any other way. If we want to understand non-duality, we must live it out every day. To say this is hard, or make excuses that we must separate "spiritual " from "everyday " life, is the reason so many who follow this "path " can't reach the understanding, and allow themselves to settle for an intellectual understanding. Compromise is the enemy of awakening.

"Community of One - The Journey Beyond Christianity " proved a success, in spite of it's lack of publication, in that it showed me that the rule of life that I had established as a Christian Monk could be, and indeed was being lived out now in Oneness. I know that many criticize my "teaching "; my insistence that service and self discovery go hand in hand. There is always the "no doer ", "nothing to do " crowd that look for easy answers in the mind that they never apply to life, but keep "special ", as if life had two parts. But non-duality, life itself is One.

In the gospel of Matthew, the Christ says:

21 Not everyone who says to Me, "Lord, Lord," shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. 22 Many will say to Me in that day, "Lord, Lord, have we prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?" 23 And then I will declare to them, "I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness."

Simply mouthing the words of the teacher, or even having an understanding that is not applied to life is not doing the will of the Father; the Absolute. Adayshanti says much the same thing in his talk about absolutism in non-duality:

"To awaken to the absolute view is profound and transformative, but to awaken from all fixed points of view is the birth of true nonduality. If emptiness cannot dance, it is not true Emptiness. If moonlight does not flood the empty night sky and reflect in every drop of water, on every blade of grass, then you are only looking at your own empty dream. I say, Wake up! Then, your heart will be flooded with a Love that you cannot contain."

"A love you cannot contain " requires action; living out the teaching, not just sitting mouthing words of "no doer ", "nothing to be done ". If we do not share what we experience, what we have learned, then it not only dies with us, it is dead within us.

I have paraphrased the Apostle Paul's comment as "Work out your enlightenment with fear and trembling ", meaning that living the teaching is not always easy, not always accepted. But life requires courage. Seeking is not for the weak. "Finding " requires even more courage, for here we must live it out daily. The "dance of emptiness " is not always an easy dance, but do we have a choice?

Peace

Ahimsananda - Get Over Yourself

2011-05-14T12:55:00.000-07:00

"...and the only law is right" - A Non-Dual Perspective on "morality"

2011-05-13T13:08:00.000-07:00

When I was a boy, cowboy stars like Gene Autry were the ones the set the morality for us as we grew up. Gene's theme song was "Back in the Saddle again ". One of the lines in this song was "We sleep out every night, and the only law is right. " In those days, we had no trouble knowing what was meant by the "the only law is right ".

Gene was the good Guy; the guy with the white hat. The bad guys wore black hats, and did wrong. Judgments of right and wrong were easy to make. Our parents told us what was right and wrong. We learned the difference in Sunday School, in the classroom, and from our heroes on television. No problem!

As I grew up, and slowly came to the realization that I was different; Gay, I had to look at this right and wrong thing more closely. Things stopped being black and white, and informed choices had to be made. The church had taught me one thing, but I was discovering another. I was not willing to simply "chuck " the church, but was desperately interested in seeing how I would fit in.

Today, in the understanding of non-duality, many are saying that there is no "good " or "bad ", no "right " or "wrong ", these being opposite poles in the mind, and judgments or preferences. In the "absolute " sense, this is true; life unfolds in a perfect way, all of one piece. But we live in the relative world, and no matter how "spiritual " we may be, only the truly "awakened " can trust their intuition to guide them in this area of right and wrong.

Most folks today believe, at least loosely, in the Ten Commandments as good guidelines. Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, etc. are pretty universal laws, and help keep society functional. When it comes to the more political, and "socially correct " mandates, the judgments become more cloudy. Where can the non-dualist look for guidance, without simply throwing the baby out with the bathwater? Sure we can say there is no right and wrong, judgments are dualistic, and one thing is as good as the other.

These indeed, are often the excuses used by some non-dual teachers for any manner of indiscretions.Adultery, child abuse, even attempted murder are excused away by saying, there is no right or wrong, the observer is "projecting ", seeing "the shadow " or any number of rationalizations. Yet, inherently, intuitively we know that "cheating ", or taking advantage of someone weaker, are not right. How do we know this? By understanding that these things run counter to Oneness.

At the Last Supper of Christ, in addition to the Churches' belief that the Eucharist was established there, Christ makes some very profound and non-dual statements: "That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me ". This was the Christ's prayer to the Father; "that they all may be One". Oneness is what we want for all, as it is the natural state. Christ, at that supper, also instituted the11th commandment, one that shows how we are all one; "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another." Oneness is the prayer, Love is the method of "realizing " the prayer.

As I was seeking to find my kind of love in Christ's words; an acceptance of my special brand of love, these were the words I used to judge; Oneness and Love. Is there Oneness and Love in it? Being Gay lost all it's problems, all it's "sting ". I have always used this criterion for "right " and "wrong " ever since. Clearly there is no love in adultery or child abuse. No matter the rationalizations non-dualists or non-dualist gurus use for their misconduct, Oneness and Love are what we seek, are, and have as our guide. Oneness and Love are not two, but one. Unconditional Love is The One. Unconditional Love is "the right ", the perfect we talk of in "life is perfect ".

All that separates, divides, or distorts Universal Love is not One, but "self "-ishness, whether an expression of fear, desire or envy. The One is the Universal "law "; the Truth itself. While ultimately, "absolutely " there is no division, this "law " of truth; this "law " of One Love, allows us to sing along with Gene Autry, "the only law is right ".

Peace

Ahimsananda - Love Dancing

2011-05-13T12:40:00.000-07:00

Ahimsananda - Experience Necessary

2011-05-13T12:37:00.000-07:00

The Memory Child and the Kingdom of Heaven

2011-05-10T11:56:00.000-07:00

I remember very distinctly when I was about twelve years old, saying to myself that I was going to be sure when I "grew up " to recall what it was like when I was a child. Of course, I did not.

As I approached adolescence, I felt a strong sense of nostalgia for my childhood, even though still being in it. This was the 1950's, and in those days, a child was still a child at twelve. I loved being a kid. As a big kid, I was already getting "those looks " from older adults who suspected I was a budding "juvenile delinquent " , and this made me feel creepy.

I could see that adults were lost in a world of worries and concerns that not only troubled them, but created a gap between themselves and children. I could also see that this did not bother them; this separation. I could not understand this. I was aware, even then, that the bible held children in great respect. Jesus said children should be allowed to come to him, and that those who were like children were the first in the kingdom of heaven. So why did the grown ones look on us as "silly"?

As I grew older; teenager, youth, young adult (all the labels we endure until the day we are officially adults), I grew more and more away from the promise I had made to recall my childhood. When I was 18, I became a Nursery Sunday School Teacher at my local Presbyterian Church. I had a class of three year olds, and the teaching of Christianity took on a particular importance, even though I was an agnostic at the time. I found however, that the person who was learning the most was me. Each Sunday the three year olds would take me by the hand and remind me, not only who I had been, but who I was.

As I have mentioned before, as an adult well into my fifties, I made a habit of watching Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. For those who do not know that show, Mr. Rogers was a Presbyterian Minister who had a show for very young children. Every day he would talk about things that mattered to his audience, their fears, their joys, their anger, separation from parents, and all manner of things we forget as adults. The show became a quiet meditation for me. It reminded me what childhood is like, not a "remembered " childhood, but the childhood that lives inside me now.

When we read a biblical passage like "to such as these (children) belongs the kingdom of Heaven " We are inclined to think of our own childhood. We nostalgically remember feelings and events of past days. Some of these remembrances may be painful, even tragic. We may think, "I'm glad that's over ", or "I remember being so free, but of course, I had no responsibilities then." But this is indulging in memory, nostalgia, or whatever you may call it. It is not a real experience. On a psychological level it is colored by all that has happened since, and judged by the "adult " mind, so that it takes on an entirely different meaning than it did to the child that was experiencing it. On the spiritual level, a similar thing takes place. We tend to glorify the "childlike " state into an innocence and blissfulness that never existed outside of our imagination. The innocent child we remember is just that; a memory child. A construct of the mind.

To be "born again ", to use a Christian term I dislike for it's misuse, is not to return to the memory child, but to become really childlike in a fresh way. To awaken in non-dual terms, is just this, to become aware of life in it's freshness, it's freedom, it's potential. Awakening is really no more than this. To "become as Children " is not to resurrect a memory of childhood, either pleasant or unpleasant, but to begin to discover life as fresh, new every day. To see a bird, as if it were the first you had ever seen, without names for the colors, or feathers, or even the word bird. Just a magical, flying wonder. To see the grass wave in the wind like the sea, only without the ideas of sea or wind or grass. This is the attitude that sees the kingdom of heaven, that lives there and has it as it's inheritance.

When I look at it now, I may not have remembered what it was like to be a child, but my promise to myself has been kept. Each day in the silent sunrise. tears of Joy well up, not from a remembered childhood, but in the experience of the awakened now. The child lives. Not the memory child. He grew and became a man, just as he should have. The child that lives is the child I am, reawakened from the dust of memory. Resurrected from the tomb of the mind, into the kingdom of Heaven.

Timelessness - Living in Awe

2011-05-08T14:02:00.001-07:00

Recently I have been trying to remember when I first lost the sense of the concept of Time. I know when I read Ramana Maharshi, Nisargadatta Maharaj and other teachers of Advaita, that they disregarded the concept of time, but I know my understanding in this regard goes back further than that.

I know this because, when I was still in the Church at Lincoln Cathedral, I used to hope for a chance to do a sermon, and that sermon was going to be about time. It seems like I have understood that time is a concept all along, but probably not. It is very funny to me that I can't remember, as remembering and time are intimately linked in the mind.

My sermon was going to be about the absence of time as a concept, and how the Crucifixion of Christ occurs outside of time and is an event in the "now ". I have no idea how those ideas got into my mind at that time, as this was before my "advaita " days.

Perhaps the concept of time is one of the most persistent and insidious to the spiritual seeker, as we are so used to living in a "linear" mind set. Time is the concept by which we organize thought. The "story " of our lives is told by the "progression " from child to young adult, to older adult and eventually elderly person. Words like progression and eventually themselves are created to expound on this concept of time.

We wake in the morning, and as soon as the sense of "I am " arises, we see a "new " day, but experience our selves as a progression of the same life; we are one day older. We watch the body "age ", and at some point resolve to the fact that eventually it will "die ".

The concept of time is the culprit here. Not that our bodies don't "change ". On the relative level bodies age, get hurt and die. These vehicles we take as our own are only a limited dream vehicle that wears out and runs out. They are held tightly in the grip of the concept of time. What is born in time, ages and dies in time. But what we are is beyond time.

Past, present and future all appear in the moment. The concept of "now " contains all three. The moment we recognize "the moment ", it is gone. The "now " is not an experience that we can recognize, for by the time it is re-cognized, it is a past event in memory. Those who say to "live in the now" are simply trading one concept (past, future) for the concept of "the now ". Everything happens at once. The concepts of past, present and future arise simultaneously in the mind, and the mind uses the concept of time to sort them out. As you read this, you are reading it as I write it. "We" are together at this moment, reading and writing as one. My writing and your reading are one movement in awareness, not two. If we always look at life as one piece, without parts, we can see this clearly.

It's the "separation " that is illusion, not the "objects ". The "objects " are expressions of the oneness playing with itself. There is loving, seeking, awareness, without lover or loved, seeker and sought, or aware or unaware persons. The objects come and go, but not in time. Time is only useful in the relative, and needs to be the first concept to go.

We are timeless. The "child ", "adult ", "elderly " categories are all just swimming in the concept of time. You may notice that many who we call "enlightened " live in that first categorization; the child. No matter how "old" we may be physically, living without time acknowledges that we are timeless. The "vehicle " we inhabit may age to our amusement, sometimes painfully. But being forever the simplicity and awe of the child is what we find. Life is awesome. When we experience nothing but awe, without words, we experience wonder. Once we grab it, conceptualize it, bring it into time, it is turned into a concept. Becoming as a little child, as Christ insisted was the only way into the kingdom of Heaven, means to live outside of time.

Understanding that we are timeless, even as the body fades and dies is an experience of fascination and exhilaration. Life as it is unfolding, timelessly and with perfection, is only available without concepts, particularly without the concept of time.

Peace