Limitless

Only a Monarch Butterfly caterpillar will turn into a Monarch butterfly. There are over twenty thousand species of butterfly on the planet, and only the Monarch caterpillar will turn into a Monarch butterfly. To think of all the varieties of personality and character that each of us is imprinted with, or have created, the varieties of "expression" in "enlightenment " are truly limitless.

Limitless is a good way to look at this, as limitless is what we are dealing with here. Is it silent? Oh yes, but dynamically so. Is it stillness? Yes, among the unfolding, within the unfolding, there is stillness. Darkness? But with infinite light. Limitless. As soon as it's one thing, it's another. It's a shape changer like the butterfly.

Shape changers. We are this. I went to sleep as a boy and dreamed I was a man. I awoke to find I am a man, and the dream appears as a nightmare. But shape changers don't need to accept this illusory reality. Oh, the "rules " have to be "accepted " (the parenthesis are a kind of fingers crossed behind my back), but only the limitless reality need be actually accepted.

I can, by "God " I must, awaken that boy; that sleeping fool dreaming of being a man. But this is it isn't it? We dream of manhood or womanhood and liberation from an imagined oppression we have piled on ourselvers since we forgot the joy we traded for "security ". Along comes a guru, a teacher. He or she tells you that they have experienced "awakening ", a new view, a new life. They have books, CDs, DVDs, a newsletter (social networking!) and a website to die for.

On their Facebook page, and in their Notes, they let you know what a "real " enlightenment "experience " looks like, as opposed to, I guess, everyone else's. Yours. I have had people write me and tell me how saddened they feel when their "experiences " are held up as "inauthentic " and judged by someone else's measure. The Monarch caterpillar is born, eats, and has it's life experience on one type of plant. If it takes advice from a Swallowtail, eats what it eats, tries to imitate the life of the Swallowtail, it will die. Why? Butterflies all, seekers all?

The innumerable unfoldings that occur within the "great unfolding " of Love that each of us, sentient and non-sentient alike are "created " in, result in a kind of temporary "uniqueness ". There is but one unique "awakening " for us, built in from the "beginning ". You are not a Monarch caterpillar, no Monarch Butterfly in your future! The Swallowtail can't convince you either, as you are not a Swallowtail youngster with a Swallowtail dream. You are a unique illusory character, a puppet seeking desperately to see where your strings go as they vanish into the darkness above.

When you come to realize that the puppet you have taken yourself to be, is manipulated by none other than the observer of the show, you can open your uniquely marked wings and fly. Not as some other butterfly. Not in their colors. Not on their plant. Not parroting another's words, or behaviors, but a spreading of wings (awakening) that is yours alone, and with you since "birth". Limitless.

Peace

The "Call" to Exit, Stage Right

When I was in my middle years of High School, during classes, I would occasionally feel the need to just get up and walk out. And I did. This did not go down well with many teachers, as you waved their questions aside and left the room without so much as a glance. Daring move? They thought I was nuts!

In my day, in High School, they had a Dean for every class from Freshman through Senior. I was lucky to have Charles Fesler as my Dean during this time. Fesler was a fat man. I don't mean that in a derogatory way, in any way. It was simply a characteristic that was unavoidable enough to be part of his whole "persona". He was also brilliant and sarcastically funny. As a fifteen year old, I worshiped the ground the man waddled upon.

Mr. Fesler took me aside after my second incident of walking out of some class, and explained that, he too had had a difficult time staying in some classes he had in college. He told me that I already knew everything they were likely to teach me in the next couple of years, and that missing the classes was not so important as changing my manner of exit. "I was prone to nosebleeds in college", he said, "it proved to be the best excuse. I used to carry a handkerchief around that was covered in blood from previous nosebleeds, and when ever I felt that need to exit stage right, I would wave the bloody handkerchief in the professor's face, and head to the door. Worked every time."

He advised me to simply hold my hand over my mouth, point desperately to the door, and exit on the assumption that no one was going to ask questions. I never used that advise.

The simple "I understand" attitude. The implied "permission" to be myself, to "freak out" once and a while removed so much pressure, I never felt the need to run again, at least in that way!

This brings me to the point of this Note; facing the fact that a "call " to the spiritual search is as life altering and dangerous as the "awakening" that inevitably follows a real "call ". The "call ", the "search" and the "awakening" are all part of one unfolding. They appear in succession due to time, but the "awakening" is present at the first "call ", that "call " being to "awaken". The average fellow in the street does not think of this, unless there is the "call ".

Simply looking for "answers " or "peace of mind " are "reasons" a number of "seekers" use for entering the "path". While this kind of "self-improvement " can be commendable, the spiritual search that will bring you home, comes only from itself; Love "calling" itself. This requires "walking out " sometimes. Life on your own terms. Trusting instinct. I have always marched to my own drummer. Lots of trouble. Lots of trouble! But the march has brought me home.

Home is calling. If you don't hear the "call ", pretending to "answer " it will only create more problems that it will solve. An intellectual understanding will not open the door. The "call " is to the heart, don't let the mind "hack " it. If it "calls" you to exit class or a business meeting, so be it. When life seems a confusion, simplify it by walking out. You are not of this world. Live your life in service to the "call ".

If you are quiet and lucky enough to receive this grace, this awareness of the "call " , you will find the "goal ". The "process " is already "underway ". Follow the "call ". Don't waste your time looking for "self-improvement " or "peace of mind ". Both are noble goals, but only Love seeking itself, perhaps even in spite of "you", will take you home, because it "is " home. So remember, when life starts to get you down or confused, simply remember the freedom outside the "room ". Hand over the mouth, without needless or wanted explanation, exit stage right, into the real. (Mr. Fesler will cover for ya!)

Peace

The Tingle itself

If you write Notes on Facebook very often, and if you write about non-dual spirituality, you will, without question, begin repeating yourself. There is only so much to be said, and much of that shouldn't be. Yet, one of life's little paradoxes is that the pull to offer, console and even attempt to explain remains like the pull of gravity, even when there are no objects to be "pulled ".

I don't think that you can point to Love, as our true nature, or becoming like a little child too often, or emphasize them enough. We are One with "God " through Love. We do not "become" "God ". We do not "dissolve" into "God ". Love "connects" us, to each other, as well as "God ". "God " and "we" are only expressions of Love, our "existence" coming out of the "need " of Love for expression.

If I reach out my hand to you like a child looking for that magic of touch, the magic lies in that connection, the second of touch itself. Love; the tingling in your friends hand. It's palpable, it's in the air. Even as adults, the tingling remains; a visible spark, a recognition of "connection". Your hand is in mine, and for that moment "you " and "I " are gone, only the tingle; the connection, Love is present.

Of course, if you remember way back, not in faulty or enhanced memory, but remember back to the heart of the dancing, open hearted child that lives in you still, your encounter with the sunrise, the sunset, the hawk on the wing, or the grief of a friend, will bring that tingle, that connection, thatLove.

Opening the heart, exposes it to pain. As soon as this is discovered in childhood (childhood is also a very scary time!), masks go on, and defenses go up. Love is cast out or at least "filtered" in such a way that we feel in control. To cast out pain, often life itself, we reject real "connections". We replace them with "power " and "sex ". These are tangible control and "connection ". The spirit that flows from Love is distorted and perverted into lust and desire. Control and possession stand in for true connection, which comes only from surrender.

So becoming as little children, and therefore recognizing Love as our true nature, is a constant rejection of masks, a fearless living in the connection. When we hold hands, I don't ask you to vanish, nor do you seek my absence. We seek, are indeed pulled, to be what we are created for, to be expressions of Love, the tingle itself.

Peace

The Illusion of Evil

A Facebook Friend put up a status questioning Evil in a universe, presumably "created " out ofLove. He did not expect a definitive answer, and received many interesting ideas regarding the subject. I don't expect that my view is either superior or a "better " answer, but simply a view from experience.

Love unfolding brings into potential an unknowable number of possibilities. The perfection we "live " every day, becomes "distorted ", "perverted ", and "potentially evil " when seen as having a "personal center "; you! Only clear seeing will give you a clear view of Love in action.

As a photographer, I like to use optical illustrations; "optical illusions " in this case. Early spear fishermen learned thousands of years ago to adjust for the water's little "trick " of distorting the target (fish), and making it appear a few inches from where it really was. In modern camera lenses, all manner of adjustments have been made over the last decades to eliminate distortion and other "optical aberrations ". Aberrations is a perfect word here, as this is what happens in other areas of life as well.

Evil is an aberration. An aberration of Love. When Love is taken as "personal "; something I need, something I want, and I can dispense, love becomes distorted through it's expression (you, me, whatever), into selfishness; I need, I want, I can dispense. How far from selfish to evil is really only a matter of degree. Just as in the complicated workings of light inside and outside camera lenses, phenomenon have endless possibilities, even more subtle in the "spiritual " or psychological worlds than in the "physical " world.

Pure Love, projected or held as a "possession " is like Superman hugging a ball of Kryptonite. Love, like in a perpetual game of Hot Potato, needs to be continually shared. As a boy I had a huge marble collection. My Grandmother had made me a huge marble bag, and I set about filling it. Of course, I need to explain that I did not play marbles, just collected them. I couldn't take a chance that someone might win some of my marbles, so I simply bought more and more. I had a huge collection. It was meaningless.

Without sharing my marble collection; basically using it for that which it was intended, I was losing the whole point of marbles, of life. Life calls us to make an investment. Be it marbles or an investment in courage and earnestness. Love calls us to play the game, all the while recognizing it as a game, but playing our little lives out with all our hearts. This means simply sharing Love. Evil sneaks in when we fail to examine even the tiniest of "aberrations"

Everything we see and experience is perfect. This is one of the non-dual communities "mantras". The unfolding of Love is so complicated that it is conceded that it is not explainable. Mother Nature may cleanse herself with drought or fire, but the persons experiencing this may have a less benevolent explanation. We know not what comes. All we can do is share what is given. To experience evil, to participate in evil, to look in the mirror and see the face of evil, is one of life's truly terrifying moments. But we know that this is it's home; this mirror creature, this ego.

Only a complete irradication of the ego will allow you to see this "evil " that lives in "you ". Once the "you" is gone; recognized for what it is, the "evil " in "others " becomes seen for what it is, a distortion of Love. The Friend who wrote the status mentioned that this came up after reading of the young Orthodox Jewish boy from Brooklyn who was murdered, dismembered and thrown into a dumpster, his feet preserved in the refrigerator. Pretty awful. Pretty evil.

The torture of the perpetrator, the "story " that got him there, the "story " he now faces, I feel these here too. The sadness of the boy, his family and neighborhood, are matched by the twisted life of the perpetrator, his family and neighborhood. It all unfolds before us, and we shout, grieve, and ask why? why? But the answer is withheld. We must live with the Love that comes our way, and live beside,sometimes within, these distortions that we label "evil ". We must live for Love alone. Not a "personal" love, but one that is shared constantly without fear.

Fred Rogers of "Mr. Rogers Neighborhood" told the story of his mother advising him in times of emergency or terrible events, to "look for the helpers "; those who emerge in the midst of the events like agents for good. Sure, there is evil in the world of the dualistic mind, but it is always surrounded by Love. We are swimming in Love. Enjoy the swim or drown, it makes no difference!

Peace

Enjoy the Show

If I told you that the universe was unfolding right in front of you, and past, present and future are being played out right here, right now, completely outside of time, how would you react? Perhaps with understanding, but more likely, confusion.

This, of course, is what is happening. The appearances continue, even to the "enlightened ", only the "enlightened " see them for what they are. The thoughts, impressions and manifestations are all just the play of the Absolute Loving. Not Loving, as in "making love", but being in a state of "Loving ".

All of this "Loving "; thinking, manifesting and leaving impressions creates a lot to absorb for a linear mind. It all happens at once, the past and future being projected out of the present. The mind cannot think that way. In fact, it is just the opposite of how the mind thinks. The mind wants linear order and time is created to give the appearance of duration. Past and future become the way to explain anything; what was, what is, and if all else fails, what will be.

The mind, bless it, performs these wonderful feats of creation in an instant. An instant "object " in an instant "present ", needs the creation of an instant "past " to explain it's "existence" in the first place. And then an instant "future" must be created for the duration, and potential improvement of the object. All very confusing, and funny as hell, by the way.

This play; the creation of this "story ", with past, present and future, happens so quickly, and seems so natural almost from the beginning, that we get "into the program " so quickly that we may not recognize it for years. As we "awaken" to new truths and experiences, it may seem a bit, perhaps a lot, confusing. To awaken one day, and see it all unfolding, as it is, not just the appearances, may be a bit overwhelming for some, if not all.

I suffered for years during my early adulthood with panic attacks. Almost always occurring when around crowds, these embarrassing attacks would take form in anything from the inability to breath to simple, but sometimes spectacular fainting. Too many times I found myself coming to on the sidewalk or on a department store carpet surrounded by my Partner and way too many curious strangers.

Finding these were caused by stress and extreme anxiety, a psychiatrist recommended watching for "danger signals". These "danger signals" are "triggers"; little thoughts that start a cycle of memories and newly "minted" thoughts that fit in to the pattern already established. It's a kind of a setup that sets off the panic attack, even before there is a "reason". To short circuit the panic attack requires catching it at that "trigger" .

This can apply to spirituality as well. If we learn to catch the little triggers that set the mind to creating appearances, we can see through the appearances, and eventually learn to simply enjoy the show. This requires understanding that past and future are part and parcel of the "present". A step outside of time, even for an instant, allows for freedom from the tyranny of time. The mind will always "try to make sense" out of the appearances it believes it sees, just like an idle mind will try to make an "object" out of the abstract pattern in the wallpaper.

Life is really about simply enjoying the show. The show follows a basic plot, but may not be understood by the mind. Free will is only an appearance. Love, in an unfolding flow, creates the objects that appear to "do" the actions. The "objects" then take it upon them selves, (cheeky little devils!) to think they are the "doer", and that the "actions" come from them. Again, this is funny as hell!

When I was a boy, the British Cinema, particularly it's comedies, had a reputation for being enigmatic, and something needing close scrutiny. "Don't try to get all the jokes, get into the flow of the damn thing". Life is like that. We don't need to get all the jokes. We probably wouldn't like many of them anyway. Getting "into the flow" shouldn't be that hard either. Lie gently on your back and float. Down woodside stream or ghetto gutter, the flow goes on, and we are more than carried with it. We come to realize that we are it.

Grab a bag of Popcorn, lie gently on your back and float. Get into the "flow" and most of all enjoy the show!

Peace

Reinventing the Wheel

The old adage about not reinventing the wheel is useful in most of life's endevours. In spirituality however, it may not always fit. The spiritual texts, books and literature are filled with "sage " advice and sound descriptions of the journeys of "others ". The making these things "real " for us requires our "own " experiential contact, not simply listening to other's words.

Any "advice " given to us or made by us must live in experience, all the while realizing that "experience " itself becomes a story, after the fact. I can only "engage " this moment. If I try to avoid "reinventing the wheel " in spirituality, I find myself accepting "other's " concepts, even repeating their words. The truly scary thing is that we all sit on the perch, beg for crackers and parrot the words from time to time, and we don't even realize it!

It is very easy, over time, to fill the mind with so many non-dual concepts and words that you don't even realize it's happening. There have been so many studies of the "wheel " from before Shankara to ongoing Facebook Notes, including this one! I quote him or her, you quote me or someone else. We paraphrase, we "clarify ", we may even argue, but we are just a breeze against the cheek. To quoteBob Dylan: "You know that something's happening, but you don't know what it is. Do you? Mr. Jones".

Unlike Mr. Jones, we do know what it is, we just can't squeeze it into the limited world of words. I guess, not unlike the clown, we can silently point to the big smile, even in the face and awful reality of pain, and mime a follow me gesture. But I can't think that you will perform my pratfalls, accept my pies in the face, or be asked to squeeze into tiny cars designed for me. No, your embarrassments, show stoppers and vehicles are waiting in today's script. You will find them as you go. No rehearsals here. Everything is "live ".

There is no "wheel " until "you " rediscover it, and it makes you it's own. Once rediscovered, this pearl of great price is understood to have been there all along. Yes, I remember, it's all one. Nothing was ever lost, it just "looked " that way. So I run out and say, "Look, nothing was ever lost!, stop seeking, identification as the "seeker" will just keep you bound.", as if I expect you will understand my words. Here, you must reinvent the wheel. You will only understand that there is no "seeker" when he vanishes before your very eyes.

As I have said, as we repeat the biblical or traditional verses, or memorize ancient texts, they become "part " of us. Some of us, like myself, scatter biblical references around like salt and pepper. I, for one, have to say that I try not to. I try to describe my experiences in my own way, but we live in a world of words and memory, and it all becomes a muddy stream a piece down the line!

Your rediscovery will not be like Ramana Maharshi's. Nor will it be like mine. The "wheel " exists. It does not need so much "reinvention " as rediscovery. "Your " rediscovery. Maybe not so much about death experiences or clouds at all, but "your " rediscovery. It may come from the appearance of a "person", guru, lover, or the sudden overwhelming feelings over finding a dead butterfly in the gutter. It may come from finding the Love in a child's eyes, or seeing for the first time the wickedness in your own.

Yes, dare to "reinvent the wheel ". Look for your own "experience ". Not an "experience " that will live in memory or anticipation, but this experience; this life!

Peace

Peace of Heart

I have written about this point again and again, but find that it can't be mentioned enough; the Call. I'm not talking about some "call " from "God ", or a "pull " toward something, but a constant drive that leads you, often in spite of yourself.

So often we hear about gaining "peace of mind " through spirituality. Visions of bliss and silence fill the mind, but this is where this idea of "peace of mind " belongs, in the mind. The nagging we feel, if we are truly "called ", is a tugging at the heart. In this case, only "peace of heart " will do.

It is the heart that is the observer of Love. The mind tries in vain to organize Love, but the heart watches it unfold in complete trust. No judgment, that's the mind's job. No matter how "peaceful ", the mind will continue to try to "organize", for that is the dualistic nature of the mind, and thought itself.

If the "call " is from Love, calling to itself, then it is a "call " to the heart. This does not bring "peace of mind ", in fact it recognizes that "peace of mind " is a desire of the mind, and one that can only be satisfied by it's elimination. It is only when we live for the whole of Love itself, seek it for itself, that we follow our "call ". Try to use "spirituality " or "the search " for personal gain, even "peace of mind ", and you will bury yourself in the search.

There must be more than a desire to "make things better ", or "improve life ". We must seek more than our idea of "truth", or yoking with "God". The pull to Love toward itself is the only power that can make it, cross the line and bring "you " home. Your own desires, no matter how desperate, or sincere will not do it. "Peace of mind ", and any ideas of it, must be abandoned, and replaced with acceptance. There may be peace of mind, or not. With "peace of heart ", peace of mind becomes irrelevant.

Peace

Teaching, Life, and the Potential of Love

My approach to "teaching " is founded in living life as example and sharing life as it is lived, day to day. This no doubt has arisen, in part, from my having written the Rule for the Religious Community my partner and I founded.

Writing a Religious Community Rule is very much different than composing spiritual prose or doctrine. It has to be more than words, because these are words that need to be lived out. While I followed loosely the Rule of St. Benedict , and a style suggested by "Rule for a new Brother ", by Rogel voor een nieuwe broder of the Brackkenstine Community of Blessed Sacrament Fathers, Holland, much of the Rule was based on my life together with my Partner.

Our life together had involved middle class beginnings, but quickly found us living in less than modest surroundings. Our downtown Tenderloin experiences however, became a classroom of acceptance and sacrifice. Prior to that, both my Partner and I had experienced youthful years of Psychiatric treatment and torment. By the time it came to write the rule, much life had passed this way.

I was not so much concerned in the Rule in shaping another's spirituality, but to shape a life around which the spirit could shape it's own way. "Meetings", and meals were set aside as places to "communicate". Meetings based on a little bit of "group therapy" in a "family meeting" kind of setting. Quite sharing during meals. These all need to be part of Community where Brothers and Sisters can not only get along in Joy, but grow in spirit.

Spirituality is a very personal thing. It is the great recognition of Oneness. There is nothing more "personal " or "universal " that that. But earnestness, devotion and Love call for a life, not just for some "space" to be made in it. This is why I teach. Not that I posses a great secret, though I might. Not that I am "realized ", though I might be. But because I call you to a life. Not an idea, a philosophy or a religion, but a life. It involves eating sandwiches and talking on the phone. It involves sitting up with sick parents and children, and cleaning up puke and urine. It involves becoming lost in a child's laugh and the best sunset of your life. It is life, and it giggles through the tears.

That's what I "teach". After 44 years with one Partner, years of psychiatric inquiry, bubbles of magic "happenings " enchanting my life on a regular basis, I feel called to "teach ", "teach" that; life is what there is, in all it's wonders and sadness. I was reminded by a cloud, like a thoughtfully silly child, that I am Love. My whole "purpose " is to tell you that. I can not explain this to you, as it is beyond words, and you know all this stuff anyway.

All I can do is live my life before you. Knowing I am watched, I must accept the pains and joys and fail again and again. For I am no example if I only win. Our life may not seem like a satsang or spiritual gathering on the surface, but it is. Every smile, gesture, sigh or tear is an expression of the One; the Love that we live in. When our lives become a continual gesture of worship, devotion, and silence, the ground is prepared for the growth of potential; the potential of Love.

Peace

A Lovely Bear

In this hot weather in New Mexico, I am remembering a cool Winter spent in London, and the reactions of a small boy in Harrods's Department Store.

Visiting Harrods's for the first time, being me, I wanted to see the Toy Dept. It was the Holiday Season, and the store was fully decorated, especially the Toy Dept. While I was getting lost in the fascinating displays, a boy, about 8 to 10 years old was coming along with his father. We were in the stuffed animal section of the Dept, and all at once the boy exclaimed "Oh daddy, what a lovely bear! "

Having been in London for only a few days, the accent grabbed at me of course. But the sincerity and absolute love in that voice was startling. First, no boy in America, even back in the 1970's, would have called anything "lovely ", and in particular, a stuffed bear. While I accepted this difference, I was unable to let it go without examination. A American boy, in that age group exclaiming "Oh daddy, what a lovely bear", would attract all kinds of the wrong attention. A psychiatrist may be summoned. But that gets us off the point; freedom.

That boy was not thinking about what others (me) were analyzing about the situation. At 8 to 10 he was able to be free enough to exclaim, to his dad no less, a lovely bear. This may seem a small thing, but it's the biggest thing there is!

This is what is meant by "becoming " as a child. Although, in this case, it was simply giving in to a recognized but diminishing force. Opening up, being free and open is so much more comforting than hiding. There were times in my life where a "lovely bear " would have been much more comfort than a baseball. But boys in my time hid their old bears and monkeys from one another, just as we often keep secrets apart from loved ones. To finally open up our tender heart, not only showing the "lovely bear ", but our love for it, willingly accepting what may come next, is to open that door, closed for so long.

"Oh daddy, what a lovely bear!" Oh daddy, what a lovely world!" To openly, not only say this, but proclaim it, is the very essence of freedom. Shout it like a three year old, or an 8 to 10 year old who is sure of who he is!

Peace

Phantoms

I have always liked the word Phantom. The Dictionary defines Phantom as something apparent to sense, but with no substantial existence. That's really fabulous; something of the senses, but no substance. I appear as a phantom in a phantom world. Again, amazing, but what about it ?

The senses themselves, by this definition, have no substance either; being only sensors of that which is without substance. That seems to give them some kind of value, if not substance. Value without substance; an interesting combination of words, that upon examination, run through the mind like water through the fingers.

We have taken these senses; these channels of feeling that, by this definition, give birth toappearance, which has no substantial existence, and concentrated all our attention on them. We center the feelings; the senses themselves in what we falsely perceive as the "I am ". This is what we come to accept as the limited little "I ". Senses become "My feelings ". Thoughts become "My thoughts ", and the projection of "others " is "sensed ", along with the projected "me ". Phantoms.

We are all Phantoms here; apparent to sense, but with no substantial existence. You can touch me. I can touch you. That, in itself, is wonderful. Fabulous, even, but there's more! The Phantoms rise up out of the substantial ! Clearly the substantial cannot rise up from the insubstantial! The insubstantial, the illusion, the Phantom, arises from the substantial.

It is part of the Great Paradox that, that which is substantial is also not definable. This nebulous stillness upon which all this plays out, is life itself, nothing else. The child's smile, the elder's cry; all play out against this stillness I call Love. Call it what you will; The Absolute, "God", Pure Awareness, it does not matter what brings you to the understanding of our wonderful "Phantomness ".

As Phantoms we have little, or no input into the play of life, save maybe a little "style" or panache. We can either surrender or resist. Resistance is futile, surrender is imminent. But there is nothing wrong in reveling in our "phantomness". I guess that's "what about it?" You can touch me. I can touch you.That, in itself, is wonderful!

Peace

An Exquisite Frustration.

Emotions are at least as much distrusted in non-dual conversation, as are thoughts. But these emotions that we can define, explain, and illustrate are also just more thoughts, only now attached to a "feeling " for further separation.

I think that emotions are one of the often misunderstood, but key elements in the "spiritual search ". Unfortunatley the "emotions " become something to "watch out " for, rather than something to experience. This is a grave mistake.

As one who experienced a good deal of psychiatric confusion as a kid, I learned to look closely at emotions and "feelings " as they arose, and arise. This had a strange "double " effect. While on the one hand, it separated me from my peers, I was able to understand why they acted as they did, and also why they reacted to me, in the way they did. Learning early on, how your behavior seems to affect others, and how it all stems from one source is a valuable lesson.

Emotions, like thoughts, are not separate from their source. The source of all "emotion", "spirit", "feeling" is in Love itself. Before I go on any further, let me express what I am calling "Love " here.

Love is not a "feeling ", but it is also. Love is not an "emotion ", but the emotion is in it. Love is all there is. Call it the Absolute, Enlightened Awareness, The One, but try not to call it "God ". For "God " is another image, concept, idea complete! While, "Love " is also a concept, it is a "nebulous " one.

This is why I am defining my concept of "Love ". Love is that which unfolds into life. An ever present stillness onto which life is projected and observed. Emotions, like thoughts, arise from that stillness. These thoughts, stored as memory, will repetedly play back if we allow them to. Otherwise there are only fresh thoughts, floating through, leaving no trace but the pleasure of observation. The same is true for emotion.

Memory thoughts can trigger "memory emotion ", a "reliving " of a past "experience ". These remembered emotions are as strong as the "original " emotions, and are "played back " as the same "feelings " as the "original ". These are the "emotions " we need to expose, understand and watch vanish.

As I have explained elsewhere in my Notes, all emotions, from the most sublime to the most base, arise in Love only, and are simply distorted and perverted by the desire to make a universal into a "personal ". Love is only what it is when it is not attached to a "person ", even "God ". Love as "spirit" is what we "are". The body/mind is simply Love's "expression ". The unfolding of Love itself not only creates both the body/mind to express love, but the "objects " of it's affection as well. There are no objects; no "things ", just the Love expressed through them.

Just as medieval man observed light to be a "physical " manifestation of spirit, so it is that Love is that same spirit, abiding as everything. Emotions, just like thoughts, arise from the core of the source, They are there, and they are real. While the ripples on the surface of the water, are a "temporary " manifestation, they are "real " while they have an appearance. We would be indeed foolish to ignore a "temporary " hurricane. To ignore a "temporary " emotion, may also be a rejection of what is.

Even in a "realized " person, there will arise the "feelings " of bodily dis-ease. Emotions, even expressed strongly, are no less a part of the sage, than any other body/mind. A sage is living in the heart, we can expect some emotion. Love will flow freely, but any blockages encountered, will be met with an equal determination. You can't stop a sage who comes at you with Love. He will steal your heart, and brake it simultaneously.

Just as we learn to navigate shallow waters by understanding the hidden rocks that make the waves appear in the first place, emotions guide us in a world of pure "feeling"; an understanding without "knowledge". You can't explain Love to me. Either my concept or your concept lose their meaning, as well they should. But we can "feel " Love. I can look at you and laugh. I can see the Love and joy in your eyes, but I can't explain it. It is an exquisite frustration.

Peace

The Call from Nothingness to Life

I was recently "unfriended " by someone who couldn't stop arguing over "nothingness ". It is astonishing how far some in the spiritual community will argue over "nothing ". This seems to be caused by a fear of becoming involved with life itself. "Nothingness " becomes a safe place to hide.

How does this come about ? The concept of "Neti, Neti ", not this, not this, is a beginning. The mind, not being able to land on anything solid after settling in the "I am ", starts thinking in negative terms. It tells us that the only way to describe "what is ", in thought and word, is in describing what it is not. This leaves a blank, a hole in thought that becomes described as nothingness.

Again, meditation, looked at as mental activity rather than an emptying, leads to negative thought. When one works at meditation, and achieves "success ", it is referred to as "stillness", "silence", "nothingness ". The "self ", the "world " all vanish into this silent stillness. The mind "stabilizes " in this silent stillness, and believes itself to be "aware", or "awakened ". This is a point where many stop the "search ". In this "state ", which is completely in the mind, the mind enjoys a "stillness " and "silence " that it creates out of it's view of those thoughts and words.

I was lucky to be introduced to contemplation before I ever got too far into meditation. In contemplation, the emphasis is on emptying. All words, thoughts and activity are rejected. Not to enter into some negative state, but to allow for an "infilling ". In contemplation, one is, in Christian terms, "waiting on the Lord " You are offering everything to the "unknown " in contemplation. You are not "seeking ". You are not imagining anything will "happen ". You are simply saying "Here I am, take me." You are giving up your life for the unknown. This takes incredible courage, and demands an incredible "call ".

While "everyone " eventually hears, and follows this "call ", most spiritual "seekers " remain in the imagined "silent stillness ". When someone, like the one who "unfriended " me, argues for this "silent stillness ", you know that they are "stuck " there, and no amount of reaching out in the dream will reach them, as they think they have "made it ". They take the "nothingness ", presented to and by the mind, as "enlightenment ".

Nisargadatta Maharaj, said that he saw he was nothing, and that was "wisdom ". Of course, that is "wisdom ", this "nothingness " we see is the end of the minds usefulness. "I am nothing", this is the minds "wisdom ". But this is only the start. Nisargadatta also said that when he saw he was "everything ", this was Love. This, seeing that we are "everything ", is what takes one beyond the mind. When the empty heart is "filled " with Love, there is no "vision ", no thought, no "words ". It just is.

Giving up the "search "; emptying out the mind of thoughts of "still silence ", as conceived by the mind, even giving up the thought of "Love " itself for the reality beyond words and mind is what is required. But fear of actually letting go is what keeps most "stuck" in the apparent, comfortable "still silence ". If you suggest, as life itself does, that there is more than this background of "still silence ", this Neti, Neti, this incomplete "enlightenment " that is seen by these fearful "seekers ", they will reject you, unfriend you, and say that you are the one who is "deluded ". They will only accept a total rejection of "everything " as their "reality ".

To be Love, this seeing oneself as "everything ", opens the world, others and yourself to what is. Not some negative "screen " upon which the "illusions " appear, but seeing the "illusions " themselves as part and parcel of the "screen ". Sure, you can say that the "illusions " are all in the "mind ". But the "mind " is also both an "illusion " and itself part and parcel of the "screen ". Non-duality can not admit an "illusion ", and a separate "screen ", and still remain "non-dual ". There is both "movement " and "stillness ". One can't be separated from the other, or one held to be "higher " or more perfect or "real " than the other.

It is time to call "seekers ", especially those who have had the incomplete "awakening " to "nothingness ", or "silent stillness ", back into life. Just as the Christ is described as being both "fully human" and fully "divine", Life is both illusory and real. We can not separate "temporary " from "eternal ", and remain outside of time; the great "illusion ". We have to dive deeply into paradox, and dare to "live" there. Not taking positions, choosing "real " (eternal), over "illusion " (temporary), but accepting all that is, as it unfolds in Love.

Peace

The Trouble with "God" - Revisited

I find it both amusing and strange that referencing the concept of "God " comes up in non-dual discussions so frequently. This concept seems to be so persistent that it takes on a life of it's own, even in supposed "non-dual " expression. The concept of an "individual self " seems easier to lose than this troublesome concept of "God ".

A friend and I, while in high school, had independently come upon the thinking behind Anselm'sOntological Argument , which we considered a "proof " for the existence of "God ", as did Anselm. This concept, as Anselm framed it, is that "God " is that, of which nothing greater can be conceived. I remember excitedly calling my philosophy teacher on a Saturday night to tell him the good news. After he explained that Anselm had already beaten us to the punch, I simply accepted this argument for decades.

I come from a Christian background, and one would think that this concept would be one that would persist, and it did, in my period of intellectual understanding. Initially, in the Christian sense, there developed the concept that "God " was "in" things, or everything was "part " of "God ." As more understanding took place, "God " was seen as "everything ". The sky is "God", the forest is "God", and so on.

After reading Ramakrishna, and then Ramana Maharshi and Nisargadatta Maharaj, there developed an intellectual understanding of non-dual expression. But the concept of "God", finally seen as only a concept, was missed. My development from childhood had always seen that Love was the most important aspect of "God", and that aspect remained, both in my mind and in my heart. How could there be Love in non-duality; without subject and object; "God and myself " ?

As I have said before, after a heavy rain, in the beauty of the clouds, I was struck with the realization of the answer to that question. The only way I can explain that using the inadequacy of words, is to say I vanished. And along with me, the concept of "God " vanished. What was left was Love. Not "my" love, not "God's" love, but Love only. All personal identification ceased. While the body, mind, and personality appear to remain, the constant, abiding, reality is Love only.

This realization of Love, without the concept of "God " opened the door. "God " was no longer necessary, just as "I " was no longer necessary. After "stabilizing" in this for a decade, I was able to see that both "God " and myself are simply expressions of Love, the appearance of the body/mind and personality persisting as before, but now servants to Love only. I have tried ever since to proclaim that Love is your True nature.

This is why I find it so important not to look at "God " as anything but a concept. That is why I always try to put the term "God " in parenthesis'. I don't believe it. It is an expression only of the one Love. As to our "selves ", we can, at least reach the "I am ". The mind can go that far. But the concept of "God " is not even "demonstrable" to that degree, unless we wish to stop at Anselm's argument, which by it very words, is a concept. Only the heart can understand Love, as the heart "speaks" only in silence.

Robert Adams, the great American Jnani, felt that one was helped in the spiritual journey by seeing "God " in form, even though his understanding was similar to my own. He even felt that one could worship "God " in the guru. He felt that one could not build up a strong enough "love" for a formless "ideal ". Both Ramana Maharshi, and Nisargadatta Maharaj used the term "God " frequently. They used it in reference to the Absolute sometimes, and in reference to the "relative" at other times, which I feel is very confusing, if not misleading, as were Adams's views. Not wanting to pick a fight with some of non-dualities most revered teachers, I would still say that the understanding of Love, Loving itself, without the unnecessary baggage of an "I " or a "God " is vital to the understanding of Truth.

Peace