Celibacy, Chastity, and the Spiritual Life

When I was an Anglican Monk, one of the curious things was how many people would perceive the idea of a monk. Silence, living in poverty, silent prayer and meditation were never on the top of the list when "outside" people perceived the monk. It was celibacy that immediately came into their minds.

Monks are celibate. That was the perception. Many were surprised, shocked even, to find that TheCommunity of the Living Sacrifice had no vow of celibacy, and indeed allowed married couples to join. Even couples with children!

This celibacy thing is a sticking point for many in Spirituality. The Catholic Church has a vow of celibacy for it's clergy, and monastics. Hindu Saddus practice celibacy, as do Buddhist monks. It was a very daring thingto write a rule for a religious community that did not include celibacy. But I found no choice.

In Advaita, we understand that we are not the body/mind. The body/mind is a construct of the mind itself, and is therefor illusion; the mind itself, being nothing but a "bag of thoughts". To believe that this illusion is either "clean" or "dirty" is to give it way more attention than it needs or deserves. The thoughts in the mind are simply that; thoughts drifting through on their way to nowhere. If we do not "grab" at them, they drift on by, and are of no bother to one's peace. If, on the other hand, we dwell on the thoughts, they begin to take on a "life" of their own, and grow in importance to our "thought world". The simple division of thoughts and actions into "clean" or "dirty" becomes an entry into duality.

Sexual thoughts can be very strong. If suppressed, they can become even stronger. Our body/mind is a refection of the Absolute, as it is a part of the manifestation. Being part of the manifestation, it is the expression of God's, or Love's lilla, or play. It is a reflection of "Love in action". To discount or even despiseany natural function of the body/mind is a slap in the face to the creator. Sexual function, even beyond the reproductive function, can unite two souls into one. Sexual function can be as much of the "creator's" plan as any other. But this needs to be an action of Love, never desire, never selfish lust.

At this point it would be a good idea to look at the difference between "celibacy" and "chastity".

These two are often mistaken for each other, and are quite different.

Chastity is the purity of sexual expression. A non married man or woman who abstains from sexual

behavior would be considered chaste. A married couple who only engage in sexual behavior with each other would also be considered chaste. I, personally, would consider a couple who for whatever reason, can't be "properly" married, but who are spiritually dedicated to one another, and who engage in sexual union only with each other to be chaste.

Celibacy is a gift. Just as one's personality, or one's hair color, or place of birth is a gift. This all unfolds with the play of Love. If we attempt to force celibacy on souls who are not gifted with it, we attempt to twist God's plan for us. Those "gifted" with celibacy can not understand the gift of sex offered to others. Even the great Masters have had trouble with this. The Buddha, in order to follow the "true spirit" as he saw it, left his wife and child behind. Other spiritual people have done this also.

No doubt the Buddha, feeling he must follow the proscribed life of the sunyassi, saw celibacy as the only choice. Catholic Priests and Bishops, who are called upon to be celibate, often have difficulty taking on a false celibacy, with drastic results we read about every day.

If the Buddha had stayed with his family, he would have discovered another truth; the family can be a great training ground for spirituality. God calls many, if not most of mankind, to family life. The cleaving of man and woman in marriage, the responsibility of raising and caring for children are wonderful places to learn aboutlove, sacrifice, and renunciation. If God calls you to learn your way by raising children, and you willfully insist on celibacy, when it is not your call, you will not only not reach your goal, you have violated God's role for you.

Blessed are those who are called to celibacy. But also blessed are those called to family. You can not follow someone else's calling. To enter a "pretend" celibacy, against your call, because you will it, or some church or organization demands it, is to put it front and center in your mind. You will try to will sexual feelings away. This will "hold" that thought in your mind. If you dualisticlly regard sex as "evil" or "dirty", you will experience guilt and shame, again destroying any mindfulness of spirit.

God has made us all different, yet one. The "play of God" loves the diversity. The only way to the Truth is to follow your path. Try to force another path, and you are lost.

As, I said, even the Buddha felt compelled to follow the proscribed path that was laid down before him. He even added it to his own way, and now others, who may not be so called, try desperately to follow. As mentioned above, those who have the calling to celibacy can not understand the calling of others. Many of these, entering on the path of spirituality, will become teachers or Gurus and insist others "be like them". Also, psychology tells us that many people are celibate due to a sexual disorder caused by incest, or rape or other traumatic event. These people, who fear sex, will want to instill this fear in others, justifying their own fear.

We must remember, the most celibate fanatic, who insists others have to be celibate, came into this word viathe very thing they fear or despise. Were our parents non spiritual? Were we conceived in lust? Does the celibate monk, with his idea of renunciation, have anything on the father or mother, who sits up with a sick child, or the man or woman holding their dying spouse's hand?

So we must strive for chastity, in all things. Pure celibacy, as well as pure loving sexuality, are part of the functioning of the whole. Each to his calling. Spirituality ultimately is about SPIRIT. Chasity is important to Spirit. How we lovingly use our bodies is a temporal thing. If that use leads the "person" to the Spirit, we must not stand in judgment as to which is better. It is a matter of calling.

What is Love?

I suppose an easy way to describe Love would be to describe what it is not. This is how the Absolute is described, and I see Love and the Absolute as the same; our True Nature.

Love is not an emotion, although there is the "emotion" of love which hints vaguely toward it. This emotion of love is an attachment. It can also be a desire, but desire and love are not the same. Desire occupies and often controls the mind. Love needs constant freedom, the mind wants to "channel" it, limit it. This is especially true when the mind is in the grip of desire. One can desire "good" things, for "good" reasons, but desire is still not conductive to spirituality.

Being contented with what we have is lack of desire. Love is contented in itself. Loving another person, or loving to learn are part of the whole that is Love, but must be placed in perspective of the greater meaning of Love. Desiring to find "Truth" or "Enlightenment" are noble desires, but until you develop trust that you willfind them, even if the "you" must not be present at the meeting, it will not be found. Trust is from the heart. Trust is of Love.

Above I described the emotion of love as an attachment. We love ourselves. Our greatest "attachment" is our body/mind. When we love others, in a true manner, we see them as the same. We see them as God, or the Absolute. Just as we must see the body/mind as different, illusory from our true reality, we will come to see the "other" beloved, as illusory from the true reality as well. The only reality is the Love. This is how we overcome "attachment", by being the Love, not the lover.

Love of Family is strong. It grows to love of home, town, country, culture, religion, and if not tempered by wisdom, often leads to war!

It is the nature of Love to look after itself. No where is this more apparent that in the parent/child relationship. A parent will sacrifice, both financially and in bodily protection, for it's child, as if protecting itself. This is natural. When a stranger reacts naturally, and risks their life for another, we hail them as a hero. But parents do these things as a matter of living. The stranger, for that moment of danger, seesno separation and reacts as if his own life is in danger. The parent seeing no separation, gives all to the child. This is the natural flow of Love in action.

This love, that involves sacrifice, is called agape. This is a love that "becomes". By that I mean that Love, as the Absolute, unfolds so that each part, each instant becomes what is called for. Not predestination, but a "Wise" Love that knows what is needed, and brings it about.

A former Bishop of Durham in England; David Jenkins described the incarnation of Christ as God so Loving the world that the Love itself "became" manifest as Christ. This is an example of becoming that Love is capable of. The "infilling" of Love becoming manifest.

So, we have described Love as Becoming, and Trust as being "of Love". For this "infilling" to happen, there must be complete trust. This is the realm of sacrifice.

Sacrifice is not the giving up of something, but an emptying out. When the "I" is absent, the infilling has aspace to fill. We are always as "full" of Love as we allow our selves to be. We can be full of Love or full of "ourselves". The choice is ours. Sacrificial Love is the Love that moves the love away from ourselves, concentrates it on another (God, a person, a situation that needs our help), and in so doing, discovers it is all that exists, just this flow of Love.

So, to conclude, I have to say that a description of Love, like any other "description" of the Absolute, or God is not possible in words. It is accessible to the heart. All we can do is uncover our true nature, and that takes sacrifice. Not just the sacrifice of the body, but of everything we have come to identify as "I". It is this annihilation of the mind we fear. Overcome this fear through sacrifice, and become the Love. Then you will know what Love is.