Which Came First?

I want to toss around a few things here and see if and how they land. This morning I read somewhere the idea that Love, among other things, like wisdom and joy are simply byproducts of clear seeing; seeing through separation. This would seem to be in line with Nisargadatta Maharaj's famous quote, which I use all the time:

"When I see that I am nothing, I call that wisdom. When I see that I am everything, I call that Love. Between the two, my life continually flows."

That statement would seem to confirm that Love and Wisdom are indeed byproducts, or at least the results of seeing through separation. But is this really true? Lets have a look.

I think that we can at least assume that Love, joy, and Divine Wisdom are beyond the mind; not describable in words. If we can box in Love, joy, or Divine Wisdom, in our words, concepts or thoughts, they are not the genuine article; the genuine article being indefinable.

"When I see that I am nothing ", "When I see that I am everything ". That certainly sounds like clear seeing; seeing through separation. And it is. But does the "seeing " come before the Love, joy andDivine Wisdom, or is the clear "seeing " a byproduct of Love, joy, and Divine Wisdom?

I would propose that the Love, joy, and Divine Wisdom must come first. Clear seeing is not available to the mind. Clear seeing lives only in Love. Joy and Divine Wisdom are the byproducts of Love only, all being beyond mind. The mind, of course, wants to come first. It will try to usurp the Love, joyand Divine Wisdom, and try to present them as it's byproducts; it's "discovery ".

This false belief that the mind is "seeing " through separation is one of the pitfalls of "spirituality without spirit ", that I have referred to in previous writings. As soon as the heart opens to Love, joy, or Divine Wisdom , and the truth is reveled, the mind, like a hidden snake, sneaks in and grabs the "awakening ". Love, being our very nature, the "very form of "God" ", as Ramana Maharshi put it, is the only place where no separation exists, all else being dualist. This is not available to the mind, but the mind tries to claim it.

The late, and loving American Jnani, Robert Adams took this idea even further, in that he felt it was valuable to "worship " the "absolute " as "God " in form. He expressed that worshiping (Loving) a formless "God " would not produce sufficient energy:

" if you worship God without form, the energy is not as strong. For what kind of a God are you worshipping? An invisible God that has no form, no shape. Therefore, you have doubts. You are not too sure. And, the energy you send out is not that strong. But when you worship God as form, you can give that God all of your energy, or totally Surrender ( to that particular deity.) That is the purpose of worship. To finally, totally, surrender your ego, your pride, your body, your affairs, your life, to that deity. And then, ‘You’ ( as divine Self rather than human person) become that deity, itself."

This "energy " that Robert is talking about is Love itself. Only through Loving can we "be " Love. Only through practicing Love (silence, devotion, service) can we step into the unseen realm of Love itself. We can practice all the mind games and "awareness " tecniques that we like, but to allow that the mind is quieting itself, illuminating itself, is to follow a road that leads only back to the mind, and not beyond it.

Here, in this teaching that has been given me by Grace, there is difficulty in this idea of "God " in form. Robert Adams believed that "the importance of loyalty to one Teacher in personal reverence and practice " results in "powerful practical results in life." He went so far as to say that:

"Worshiping God in the form of Sat Guru or in the form of a Buddha or a Christ, whichever, is even better."

To many, the personal "God " in form, becomes a stumbling block. The Guru "as "God " also leads many astray. This is why seeing Love only is the start of understanding. You can look at it as "God's Love " if that helps, but to see something "personal " in the universal , unconditional Love is an error. We, the world and the whole of the universe are not nouns,, but a verb. We are not a "thing", but life itself.

But this "argument " with Robert is a small one. We both see that Love, devotion and "worship " are vital to any awakening. To simply say that Love, joy and Divine Wisdom are "byproducts " of clear "seeing " is to believe the deception that the mind "saw it first ".

We open our hearts by Loving, as that is what the heart does. No matter how "clearly " we can explain the mind's "discovery ", it will not open the heart, Love being the only key. Love in Silence(contemplation), and Love in action (service) are the shortest route to "awakening ". The mind with all it's clever words, concepts and ideas will try to tell you that, with it, you can, and indeed you have discovered "truth ", but it is simply deceiving you by swapping a vision it couldn't understand, for one it makes up.

Make no mistake, the mind exists in Love, not Love in the mind. Clear "seeing " results from Love. Everything is a "byproduct " of Love, including this "clear seeing ".

Peace

Surrendering Everything

In relative terms, the human being is made up of spirit, mind and body. Absolutely, there is just spirit; Love. In what we refer to as "spirituality ", there is the seeking and investigating into realm of spirit. In the West, when the intellect and psychology (mind) become dissatisfied with organized religion, there is often begun a "search " for a "more meaningful spirituality ".

In this search for meaning, many turn to Eastern philosophies, many of which also contain an element of religion. Some "seekers " will swap a religion that has lost it's meaning for a new religion that seems to answer questions that were left "hanging " in the old belief system. But many in the West want to jettison all "belief " systems for a logic based, "scientific " view; a spirituality without spirit.

At the other extreme, we find those who put great value in "spiritual experiences ". We hear of "blue light experiences ", mysterious figures, or rising up to heaven in a kind of self styled "transfiguration ". Some of these also like to use the name "God " as if such a "sky captain " were a reality. Where is a simple seeker after Truth to go in this spiritual marketplace?

Those who advocate the logical, scientific view teach a kind of "biological/psychological" spirituality, or as I said above, a spirituality without spirit. These are the ones who see "love " as a biological process inherent in the brain. They also are the ones who engage in psychological "games " and "tricks " like "watching the mind" , "shadow work " or simply asking us to stop our minds in order to experience "awareness" without thought. (as if that were possible to do with the mind!) These are all wonderful psychological practices and are helpful in quieting the mind and finding psychological "blockages ". But they are not spiritual, they are in the mind.

And again, the "spiritual experience junkie ", with his vision's of "God ", "explosive awakenings" , or "blue light experiences " is also living in the mind, as this is where these "experiences " happen. These are the teachers who tell you to look for a particular experience; particularly one like they have had, that can be defined in a particular way. They see no problem with being able to say you must have this kind of experience, or it's not authentic. Again, this is obviously in the mind. If your "experience " is definable or describable, it is in the mind. Again, where is the simple seeker after Truth to go in this spiritual circus?

We have been given examples of spiritual masters, gurus and teachers for centuries. There have been examples in every major belief system from Buddhist, Advaita, Christian, Islam to those of no fixed or specific system. They are all different, have different approaches and have formulated, or not, methods and practices. Although they very widely in their behaviors, they have some things in common. The first being that they lived out their teaching in lives that were unique and set apart. Lives of humility, unconcerned for the conventions of the world. Buddha, Christ, Ramana Mahrashi, Nisargadatta Maharaj, all lived lives that were not only different from ours, but different from the time and people they lived among. (Of those, Nisargadatta lived the most "ordinary" life, but his earnestness, love and generosity were anything but "ordinary".)

To say that there is nothing "special " about these teachers, or spiritual masters is foolish on it's face. How many Christians live as Christ? How many Buddhists, outside the monastery, live as Buddha? How many live as Ramana Maharshi or Nisargadatta Maharaj? This is really the key. The spiritual life is a life apart; a life unique. It is a "being in the world, but not of it". It is a life worked out by oneself, following the call life gives you.

To think that you can engage the world in an "ordinary " manner, ordinary meaning in this context, living for ordinary, worldly values and aspirations, is foolish, but this is what many of the teachers of "spirituality without spirit " will tell you. On the other hand the teachers of "spiritual experience ", with their rarified awakenings, visions of "God " and all the rest of it, are separating those with "The Experience " from those who have not had "The Experience ". They will tell you of course, that you too can have this wonderful experience as well, but are sure to tell you that you have not had it yet, unless you are like them, and see it in their vision . The intellectual, "spirituality without spirit " teachers are living in, and teaching from, the mind, and the "spiritual experience " teachers are living in, and teaching from, the world of ego (also mind).

To be "in this world, but not of it " is clear in a Buddha, a Christ or a Ramana Maharshi. Why fool yourself by being a Sunday Christian or a Satsang participant who forgets all the inconvenient truths while living your daily life. When Christ told the rich young fellow to sell his possessions and follow him, the fellow went away sad. What makes you think you can follow and hang on to anything? You need to leave all behind, be it mind games of psychological "discovery " or dream visions of "The Experience", and follow the call that calls you to be yourself.

Nisargadatta's famous quote; "When I see that I am nothing, that is wisdom. When I see that I am everything, that is Love, between the two, my life continually flows." is the beginning. To live that out, without psychological self indulgence, or "experiential " spiritual pride is the beginning. To do this is to "step off the cliff " into the unknown, the unsure, and the potentially unsafe. But to the True "seeker "; the one who is called by something other than a desire for peace of mind or to relieve personal "suffering ", there is no choice. Love is calling, calling from within. You will either follow or remain in the "safe" world of the mind.

Peace

Just the Beginning

Non-Dualists spend a lot of time thinking, philosophizing, and attending satsang. Although, I have never attended a satsang, I am guilty of the other two. In fact, when it comes to philosophizing, I have appointed myself a "teacher". But it is not really philosophy I "teach ", as that is not where my expertise lies. It is Love I share.

The particular "incident " that brought about the absolute conviction that there was only Love here, where this "Bill " used to be, is of no real importance. What matters is how will there be "pointing " to that, which has become the unfolding found here.

I believe that one of the "stumbling blocks " to awakening is the fear of Love itself. I don't mean a fear of the emotion "love" , but the "power " we sense. If we have been called to seek, not just to solve a "problem " or seek peace of mind, but a true calling that won't let us alone, it is Love calling itself to "seek " . We are called to enter into the "play of Love "; the call, the search, the awakening. Everything, including the mind and the "things " are part of that play.

One of the scariest, trickiest, and ultimately rewarding things we must do is to integrate our "selves " "lives " and "spirituality " into One. We need to understand that all this talk of illusions andappearances, as apposed to "the real " is simple duality. The appearances and illusions, stem from, and are inseparable from the Absolute. In the expressions of the Absolute, I am no judge as to "real " and "unreal ". Falling into acceptance, all is One.

Accepting the "realities " of pain, disappointment, and grief, as presented to this "illusory person ", are part of the real. The "illusory person " plays his part in this play of Love. We can't separate our "spiritual " side from our "body/mind " side, as they are one integral piece.

In the beginning, we learn that the mind is in control, and that it must be understood, ignored, and eventually put into it's place. This is self inquiry; the search for the "I am ". Once the "I am " is recognized, the scary part I referred to above occurs. We now have to integrate this "knowledge " with "life as it is ". They are really one thing, but by now we have isolated the mind, and it must be welcomed back into the fold.

This "switch " of the mind from master to servant is really the whole of the play of Love. But this is what many fear. It is much easier to stay in "awareness "; to empty the mind. This is a safe place. Silence. Peace. Awareness. This sounds comforting to the mind, and this is where many, if not most, get "stuck ". Somewhere along the line, life must "re-integrate ".

It's no big trick, master calculation, or philosophical conundrum, it's a "gut " thing; an act of "Grace ". But it requires more than "human " courage. It requires a surrender of courage. A helplessness that surrenders even the thought of redemption. A trust without option. Being willing to be absorbed into all that is, losing the individual, and gaining the "all", without "knowing " it, just being it. And then the trick remains to bring the "mind ", "personality", and all the illusory "stuff " into the understanding. This is how emptiness "dances " to paraphrase Adayashanti.

Ramana Maharshi, went into a deep state of Samadhi in his teens. Had he not have been found and cared for by devotees, he might have died. It took Ramana time to integrate his awakening with the "life " around him, and he began to speak again. Isolating yourself into a "corner " of awareness, no matter how blissful, or "aware" separates what you are. Just because the wave sees that it is part and parcel of the ocean, does not mean it's "life " as a wave is over. This discovery is just the beginning.

Peace

...ending in a Child's Giggle.

When I was 16, going on 17, and was lucky enough to have squeezed into the only High School Philosophy class in the district, I used to drive my best buddy nuts with it. Our periods of walking his dog, or walks to school became sessions of deep philosophical discourse.


On one such spring evening stroll, with Beagle in tow, my pal and I discovered a "proof " for the existence of God. I can't for the life of me remember what we had come up with, but it was real "tear producing " discovery at the time. I was ecstatic. The first thing I thought to do was call my philosophy teacher.

Now, this was a Saturday night, not a school night, tomorrow was Sunday, a whole day away from school, and I couldn't wait. I had to call Mr. Curtin. He was probably my most inspiring teacher. I have written of him before. He was the teacher who inspired me to look into philosophy in the first place, when I was about 15.

It was not so much that I wanted to show off to him that we had "proven " God, or that I was somehow "kissing up ", but in my naivety, I had a genuine belief that, now that I had proven God, he would certainly want to know!

He was, to my grateful relief, not unhappy that I called. We discussed my findings, and I was a bit deflated to find that Anselm had had similar findings centuries before. He also inserted a poser: "If indeed you boys have proven God; how would you prove he was "good"?"

Recalling that incident, I am reminded that in the spiritual "journey " we will be given many "revelations ". Some will seem new, but are actually glimpses into a common consciousness. But in spite of being common revelations, they are "revelations " just the same, and "experienced " through this body/mind as expressions of the movement of Love, the Absolute. Old "truths " are being "experienced " and becoming "our " old truths.

I am also reminded of how the last question my philosophy teacher posed; "How would you prove that god is "good "?, became a question I would ponder much of my life. Ponder, that is, until I discovered that the only "answer" was to delve into it so deeply that I "became " the answer. In that silence an "infilling " gave the answer and removed the need for the answer, in one unfolding that starts with awe and ends in a child's giggle.

Ahimsananda - Contemplation, Meditation, going beyond Awareness

Ahimsananda - Get Over Yourself

Timelessness - Living in Awe

Recently I have been trying to remember when I first lost the sense of the concept of Time. I know when I read Ramana Maharshi, Nisargadatta Maharaj and other teachers of Advaita, that they disregarded the concept of time, but I know my understanding in this regard goes back further than that.

I know this because, when I was still in the Church at Lincoln Cathedral, I used to hope for a chance to do a sermon, and that sermon was going to be about time. It seems like I have understood that time is a concept all along, but probably not. It is very funny to me that I can't remember, as remembering and time are intimately linked in the mind.

My sermon was going to be about the absence of time as a concept, and how the Crucifixion of Christ occurs outside of time and is an event in the "now ". I have no idea how those ideas got into my mind at that time, as this was before my "advaita " days.

Perhaps the concept of time is one of the most persistent and insidious to the spiritual seeker, as we are so used to living in a "linear" mind set. Time is the concept by which we organize thought. The "story " of our lives is told by the "progression " from child to young adult, to older adult and eventually elderly person. Words like progression and eventually themselves are created to expound on this concept of time.

We wake in the morning, and as soon as the sense of "I am " arises, we see a "new " day, but experience our selves as a progression of the same life; we are one day older. We watch the body "age ", and at some point resolve to the fact that eventually it will "die ".

The concept of time is the culprit here. Not that our bodies don't "change ". On the relative level bodies age, get hurt and die. These vehicles we take as our own are only a limited dream vehicle that wears out and runs out. They are held tightly in the grip of the concept of time. What is born in time, ages and dies in time. But what we are is beyond time.

Past, present and future all appear in the moment. The concept of "now " contains all three. The moment we recognize "the moment ", it is gone. The "now " is not an experience that we can recognize, for by the time it is re-cognized, it is a past event in memory. Those who say to "live in the now" are simply trading one concept (past, future) for the concept of "the now ". Everything happens at once. The concepts of past, present and future arise simultaneously in the mind, and the mind uses the concept of time to sort them out. As you read this, you are reading it as I write it. "We" are together at this moment, reading and writing as one. My writing and your reading are one movement in awareness, not two. If we always look at life as one piece, without parts, we can see this clearly.

It's the "separation " that is illusion, not the "objects ". The "objects " are expressions of the oneness playing with itself. There is loving, seeking, awareness, without lover or loved, seeker and sought, or aware or unaware persons. The objects come and go, but not in time. Time is only useful in the relative, and needs to be the first concept to go.

We are timeless. The "child ", "adult ", "elderly " categories are all just swimming in the concept of time. You may notice that many who we call "enlightened " live in that first categorization; the child. No matter how "old" we may be physically, living without time acknowledges that we are timeless. The "vehicle " we inhabit may age to our amusement, sometimes painfully. But being forever the simplicity and awe of the child is what we find. Life is awesome. When we experience nothing but awe, without words, we experience wonder. Once we grab it, conceptualize it, bring it into time, it is turned into a concept. Becoming as a little child, as Christ insisted was the only way into the kingdom of Heaven, means to live outside of time.

Understanding that we are timeless, even as the body fades and dies is an experience of fascination and exhilaration. Life as it is unfolding, timelessly and with perfection, is only available without concepts, particularly without the concept of time.

Peace

Getting off your Spiritual Backside

Yesterday I listened to a young Spiritual teacher on internet radio. 'Advaita speak " and little else. Later I listened to a well known teacher with a large following and a huge "Shanga ". He was asked about how to respond to life under a government he disapproved of, and found went against his spiritual principals. The teacher went on and on with more non-dual parroting and a admonition that one should never resort to anger, but see it all as a "reflection of yourself".

After the disappointment of those two, I encountered a picture and article of the Dalai Lama wearing a USC baseball cap, and seemingly justifying the killing of Osama Bin Laden. It occurred to me to get out of this spiritual "teaching " thing altogether, if this was the kind of "bedfellows " I was to be associated with.

When I see spiritual teachers, especially those who either simply parrot what they have read, or claim some "special " method exclusive to their teaching, I don't doubt why so many quickly build up a distrust of "teachers " of any sort. These teachers will tell you that you are "already awareness ", and that you should just sit quietly every day and "realize " this. They will smile and act blissful, and have a big "Donation " button on their website. Having a donation button on your website is a way of saying"my words are so important that you are going to want to send me money to carry on my valuable work." It is sad. It is silly. And it is a slap in the face to those who live only for this.

As one who recognizes the Christ as one of the greatest of non-dual teachers, I have a different view of non-dual teaching. I will not tell you to sit quietly with a blissful smile on your face, or that you are already "enlightened ". I will tell you to get off your spiritual backside and "take up your cross " and work out your enlightenment. This is the reason I have so few students, as no one wants to hear there is "something to do ". "By golly, there is no "doer", there's nothing to be "done ". "You are already where you want to be." These are the statements of parrots, not those who have struggled the roads of life with fear and trembling. Nisargadatta Maharaj said that it takes great efforts to come to the conclusion that effort is not necessary. Nisargadatta emphasized earnestness. Christ demonstrated earnestness on the cross. If devotees had not looked after him, Ramana Maharshi might have died in his youthful earnestness, sitting in silence as insects ate at his living flesh.

For this is what earnestness is all about; a single minded "effort ". Doing something, even if thatsomething is dying in devotion. In the New Testament in the Bible, a man described as "rich " came to Jesus to ask how he might find everlasting life. After telling the man to follow the commandments, which the man claimed he had, Jesus said he should sell all he had and give to the poor, and follow him. The story goes on to say that the man went away sad, because he had great possessions. This is also a problem today.

Today, especially in the West, many have great possessions. We have not only material wealth, but many posses intellectual, educational wealth. We cling to our cars and our homes, and our "little luxuries " like flavored coffees and a nice meal out. We wear our educations like a badge of who we are. We excuse our little luxuries as things that help us "cope ". Those who tell us we have to "do " something, or question our indulgences are quickly discarded for the "bliss bunny " teachers who assure us that we are already "that ".

You are already that. You are already "perfect ", whatever that means. But you won't "realize " it until you have walked your life and carried your cross. Intellectualizing being "that " is an exercise in imagination, nothing more. If you sit before a teacher who softens the blows and tells you that you do not have to stand up to injustice, or take any contrary or politically incorrect positions, than you will find yourself sitting smiling like a zombie before a liar who has more interest in your money than your soul.

"Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water." This is a well known Zen saying. What the hell do you think it means? It means life is living. The enlightenedwork. They don't live some rarified existence where they become entitled to donations simply for existing and sharing a message they don't understand outside their mind. A monk may have his "begging bowl ", but most teachers are not monks and live lifestyles that most in the world would consider luxury, if not opulence. My situation requires me to eat beans every day, and struggle during the winter for wood for heat. But when I think of my brothers and sisters in the third world, I thank God for the wonderful blessings of a full bowl, and a twig to burn.

Gratitude becomes so much more a blessing when it comes from simple pleasures. A beautiful tree, or the warmth of the sun becomes so much more important than a movie or a concert. Yes, there may be no "doer ", but there is "doing ". If you are not "doing "; living on trust and love alone, you will not find enlightenment, awakening, or whatever you call it. You will just dance around the edges of life, ever trying to find an intellectual vision of "bliss " that won't "cost " you anything. You will want to make "enlightenment " your most prized "possession ".

I can't think my "teaching " will have many takers, "followers " if you will, for many will walk away sadly, because they have many possessions. Nisargadatta Maharaj said that only one in ten million will get this. Only when you are ready to walk away from all you believe yourself to be, all you possess, can the door open and freedom be found. Only through effort can effort be cast aside. Fear vanishes for good when you stand naked, asking nothing, giving all.

Peace

Asperger's, Earnestness and Freedom

I have to give an amount of credit to the fact that I was born with Asperger's Syndrome, that I have been able to be "true " to my conscience most of my life. It has been an obsession of mine since I was a small boy to follow that which I have perceived to be "right ", no matter the cost to me personally.

If one has to have an "obsession ", and most Asperger's people do, I am grateful that mine has been to follow the call of the spirit. I try to keep this in mind when I write about spiritual practice and the spiritual life. I know that I am often somewhat "absolutist " about living out the teaching of non-duality, but it is the only way I have been given to do it. I know that some teachers find my insistence on not taking money or asking for donations to be an extreme position, and I understand their points, but personally have to follow my instincts.

This inability to put spirit in second place has led both my Partner and myself to live very "lightly " on the ground. We have moved from job to job, home to home, so many times I have lost count. Over a period of 40 years or so, we have had maybe 35 jobs. Our work has almost always been "live in " work, whether managing apartments or working with the Developmentally Disabled, so we have had to pull up stakes continually. This has given us, over the years, a great sense of freedom, as being broke and homeless no longer has any real fear to it.

Just before we went to England to begin the Religious Community we founded there, I had a very trying experience with the Episcopal Church in San Francisco that almost soured me on the Church altogether.

After reading The Cloud of Unknowing and returning to the Church, I started to attend daily Mass atGrace Cathedral in San Francisco. Once I became known to the clergy there, and they became aware of my maintenance abilities, I was asked to become the Cathedral's first full time maintenance man. I loved that position. I was able to attend Mass, and then go and work on my beloved building. My life became very integrated. My shop was directly below the Choir, and every morning I could hear the boys from the Cathedral School sing their morning service. My life as a Monk had it's foundation here, and for a couple of years I lived in heaven.

This part of my life coincided with the coming of the Reagan administration, and the homeless problem his policies brought to the cities of America. The Episcopal Church of California responded to the homeless crises by establishing shelters in a number of the churches in San Francisco. Grace Cathedral was one of the churches that participated. The homeless were allowed to sleep in the crypt of the cathedral over night, and in the morning sandwiches were handed out as they left for the day. My partner and I were volunteers at the shelter, and would hand out the sandwiches before Mass every morning.

Being on San Francisco's Nob Hill, this attraction of the homeless to Grace Cathedral did not go down very well with the wealthy residents of the area. This led to the homeless having to be asked to leave the cathedral as soon as possible after getting their "breakfast ". When it was found that the homeless would often stay around the cathedral, sometimes even sitting in the sanctuary, the cathedral hired armed guards to send them off. This seemed to me to defeat the purpose of offering a shelter, and I was very offended by it. Being who I am, I was very outspoken about it, and confronted the clergy about it, to their embarrassment.

One morning, while I was passing thorough the sanctuary checking lights, I noticed a homeless man sleeping in one of the side pews, completely out of sight. He was being very quiet, so even though the Cathedral School was about to have their service, I did not disturb him. Just as the boys had started their service, and as I was returning, I heard a deathly shriek and saw the homeless man who had been sleeping in the pew, limp to the center of the sanctuary and kneel at the main alter, pursued by two large armed guards.

The guards grabbed the man and twisted his arm behind his back so that he let out a cry that rang through the cathedral. The boys were aghast, and I ran to the front of the sanctuary and confronted the guards. I told them that it was God's house and that they were to get out of it now! To my amazement and relief, they did as I asked.

The following day I was called to the office of the Dean and fired. I could not believe it. I appealed to the Bishop, who I knew quite well, also having been employed at the Diocesan House, but he said he had no control over the Cathedral affairs. I was allowed to continue to work for the Bishop, but my Cathedral days were over.

My faith in the caring and integrity of the Church was greatly diminished, and my heart was badly broken. It was a sad moment, but my faith in God; in spirit, continued and was freed from the confines of the established church. This allowed my Partner and I to begin our Community with an eye only on the spirit, not concerned about how we would fit in.

This is why I advise everyone to free themselves of things that bind. It is so important to be really free. To follow the spirit where it leads you, may cost you everything you believe is your life. But to follow the spirit must be your life. Every moment, every movement must be for the sake of love. While I have to admit, the Asperger's helps me stay the course, and you might find it more difficult, it is the most important thing. It is the earnestness Nisargaddata Maharaj spoke of. It is the light in the eyes and the smile of Ramana Mahrshi. It is what you are. To be it, is freedom itself.

*As a footnote, I would like to say that a few years ago, the Dean of Grace Cathedral (not the one who fired me!) apologized to me for the above incident, for which I am very greatful.

Non-Duality and the "Other"

I recently put up the video for Libera's "You were There ". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwDRZMoJtkk&feature=related This is the second time I have added this video to my profile as I really love this tune, but the theme "You were there " intrigued me enough to write a blog regarding it.

"You were There "; who was there ? Is it sung for a friend, a life companion, or God? Or could it be for Love itself?

Our words, our minds see love as something that "happens " between two persons, things or objects. The mind interprets love as a connection, a desire, a longing, a need, but the mind insists on an "other " for completion. We love a friend. We love our spouse or life partner. We love God. We love the forest. We love the thought of love. It is always us and the "other ". This is how the mind conceives love. But this is not what Love is, or how it works.

Love, in it's essence, is all there is. In John's first letter in the New Testament John writes; "God is love, and he who abides in love, abides in God, and God abides in him." A bit later, a few verses down, John writes; "We love, because he first loved us ." I have always loved this "God is love ". He doesn't say, God is like love, or God is similar to love, but God is love. This is very plain; God is love and love is God. It is a way of expressing that love is all, that the mind can comprehend.

When "awakening " "happens " there is the wordless conviction that there is only Love. The "I " thought vanishes, as does the "other ", leaving only the essence; the Love. The creative energy that is Love is so dynamic that it's unfolding creates "expression ". We and God are not expressions ofsomething, we are "expression" itself. The mind does not understand "expression " without an object to express or be expressed. This is also true of Love. The mind does not understand love without alover and a loved, so it conceives (thoughts) the expression between the two. The "mind ", rather than being an object in reality, is simply made of these thoughts. These thoughts are simply "expression " suspended in time, labeled as we see fit, and "projected outward ".

"God is a concept by which we measure our pain", wrote John Lennon many years ago. This has become a popular idea in modern spiritual circles, particularly neo-advaita, or popular non-dualism. We create God in our own image; this is true, but "God " is "expression " of Love, is Love. "...he who abides in love, abides in God, and God abides in him." To abide in love means to be the expression of love, or so the "mind " would put it. But "you" are not the "expression " of anything, you are "expression " itself. To be expression, or to be Love is not something the mind can wrap itself around, so it conceives objects to be "expressions ".

This why it is necessary to silence the mind; this "bag of thoughts " we take as us. It not only wants silencing, but annihilation! When this occurs, we no longer need to conceive ourselves as "expressions of love " but "expression " itself. We no longer need to love God, but simply to be. This is not something that can be "expressed " in words or thought, but only by "being ". We are being, we areisness, we are Love. Once this is "realized " (wordlessly understood), we can use our "bag of thoughts " as our servant rather than our master. We can answer hunger, safety, our "work", and any number of "human" functions without disturbing the peace of being.

We can love a God, or a Guru, realizing that these are "expressions " in the mind of "expression " itself. We can love ourselves as "expression "; the unfolding of Love. As Ramana Maharshi loved his holy mountain as wordless expression, as a Christian loves Christ as expression, as Christ himself loved and trusted "God " as expression, we can answer the question of "who" is the "you" in "You were there". It is Love expressing itself, in itself. It is One!

Whispering Rabbits and the Resonance of the Spirit of Love

When I was a small boy, my Mother used to read to me at bed time from one of the series of "Little Golden Books " called "The Sleepy Book " by Margaret Wise Brown. In that book is the story of "The Whispering Rabbit ". This story is about a rabbit that is very sleepy, and while yawning, swallows a bee, who promptly curls up and goes to sleep in the rabbit's throat. He could only whisper, and was still sleepy, so he asks the other animals for help on how to get the bee to wake up and go away.

The only advice he gets it that he should have kept his paw over his mouth when he yawned. Finally he comes upon the groundhog who tells him:

"You have to make the littlest noise you can possibly make because bumblebee doesn't bother about big noises. He is a very little bee and he is only interested in little noises"

So the rabbit goes through a series of attempts at small noises;

"...the sound of a bug breathing, a fly sneezing, grass rustling and a fireman thinking."

"A sound as quiet as snow melting, quiet as a flower growing, quiet as an egg. quite as - And suddenly he knew the little noise that he would make - and he made it.

It was a little click made hundreds of miles

away by a bumblebee in an apple tree full of bloom

on a mountain top. It was a very small click of a bee

swallowing some honey from an apple blossom.

And at that the bee woke up."

What wonderful ideas for a small boy! "the sound of a fireman thinking", "quiet as an egg" Why this is Zen for children, or adults too, if they take the time to see it. Margaret Wise Brown was a spiritual teacher, even if she passed as just a gifted children's writer and poet. Whether Ms. Brown knew she was writing spiritually charged words, or the revelations lie in the listener, the spirit is alive here.

We who dare to write about spirituality need to have an understanding, spoken or not, that we are but facilitators of the spirit. When we see the power of "bees and bunnies", we get a glimpse of how our words might have an impact and how indeed, they are not really "our" words at all.

I think one of the best constant meditations is on Time. While I have great respect for time in the relative world, I try to keep a constant awareness that time is a trick of the mind to organize and explain, and not a reality. As a writer, and a respecter of timelessness, I am aware that you are reading this right now, as I type it! You are responding to that which has brought about it's writing in me. In reality, there is no "you " reading, just as there is no "me " writing. There is just the flow of spirit/Love instantly unfolding as a "passing on " of Love.

Above I said that whether Ms, Brown knew it or not, she was passing on, not only spiritual information, but inviting thought that could lead to awakening. This is the point. We have no real control in this realm of "spirituality". If we, as writers or as readers, underestimate the play of the spirit here, we miss the whole deal!

I have written over one hundred blog posts in the last year. Most I wrote with a particular theme, or at least with an idea or direction. But that hasn't stopped readers from misinterpreting a number of them, sometimes taking them in a direction I had never considered. I find this fascinating; how one person can receive an "inspiration" (to fill with spirit ), and the reader (also a receiver ) can become "inspired ", but react or see the inspiration slightly, or even entirely differently. How wonderful is that?

If something "I " write finds "resonance " with "you ", it is not the "I " and "you " that are at play, but the "inspiration "; that infilling spirit that breaths life into this "shadow play " of you and me. These words are your words. Although they come from a "different form", the same spirit that forms the words in my head, forms them in yours. You may see the same light as the same color I do, or not. Perhaps you see it with no color. No matter. "We " communicate because "we " are communicationitself, not two separate "communicators ".

No matter what you read, remember that time is not a factor. Duality is not a factor. When you readRamana Maharshi, you are not reading the words of a past Master, but a living inspiration. The spirit that enlightens Ramana indwells and lives in you. No time, not one nanosecond, has past since Ramana spoke and you heard. When you read the Masters, even with hundreds of translations, the spirit unfolds anew, for the first time. The smiling eyes of Ramana live in your memory, but the "inspiration " of Ramana Lives in your heart. No, I am not Ramana. I am Ramana's Love.

Remember, whether you read Ramana, the Bible, the Upanishads or The Sleepy Book, the "inspiration " that speaks to the "authors " is that living spirit that flows through you, is you. The "resonance " you feel is not with the writer, although he or she may be a good "conduit " for you, the "resonance" is with the spirit of Love.

The Dream Guru

The Dream Guru is the Guru we have been waiting for all our lives. They are the the ultimate; where a touch or even a single glance can bring transformation!

Too bad if our Enlightenment is to come from the guy in the form of the Trash Man.

Seriously though, a Guru, or a 'guru experience' can come from anywhere or anyone. Recently, on a popular social networking site, among non-duality circles, there has been more criticism of gurus and New Age or Neo-Advaita teachers. While much can be said on this subject, and some criticism is warranted, it is not particularly wise or spiritual to spend much time or concern over what others are doing. If you don't like a particular spiritual teacher; don't go see them, don't read their books, don't go on their retreats. But don't spread negative opinions, without being asked, because someone turns out not to be your dream guru.

One such critic was insisting that all real gurus must be able to perform shaktipat. Some gurus claim to do shaktipat. Others do not. This critic claimed that many teachers and gurus claim to be aware, but do not, indeed cannot do shaktipat, so they are charlatans. This is nonsense. It is the stuff of the dream guru. One is only a charlatan if one claims to do shaktipat and is unable to. Claiming to be a teacher or even a guru does not make one a charlatan. It does not make one a teacher either!

Part of the search is learning discrimination. But we must learn it. Another's opinion, if asked for, is welcome in the search, but we must make the final decision based on knowledge and intuition. We too have our dream guru hidden inside our mind. He has to meet several expectations, all gathered from the search and past disappointments. When I left the Christian Church, the need for the dream guru arose.

Apart from disappointments with the structural church, which were many, I came to have difficulty with the creed. The part that called Jesus Christ 'Our only mediator and advocate' gave me pause to the point that honesty compelled me to leave the church. I lost no respect for the Being of Christ, but the search began again with even new fervor.

First, I came upon Ramakrishna. What a dream guru is Ramakrishna! Coming from a Christian setting, Ramakrishna, even with his affinity for Christ, was a big leap. I was however very impressed by some of his followers. Vivekananda, while writing some wonderful works, and introducing Vedanta to a wider audience, seemed to me to be the predecessor of many of the money making gurus so prevalent today. Because Ramakrishna and Ramana were next to each other on the library shelves, the next part of my search for the dream guru had begun.

Ramana was very refreshing. Very Indian, but dynamic and peaceful at the same time. Closer to what I was used to, but mysterious enough to keep up my interest. Perhaps a dream guru? Many today see Ramana as the ultimate Guru. Silent. Spoke only when necessary to compassionately teach. Many today teach in his lineage, even though he specifically did not establish one. Why? Because he is a dream guru.

None of this makes any of the successors to Ramana invalid in their teaching. Some may be good, and some may be just in it for the money, but we can only judge for ourselves. None is Ramana. He would not want them to be. We should not demand them to be the dream guru. They are simply the teachers they are. Some may be 'our dream guru', and if that's the case; fine. If we learn, become independent. and grow away from them, we gain. No guru is for life. We all must go into the One alone and naked.

I discovered my guru with the works of Nisargadatta Maharaj. A simple man. A man of little formal education, but infinite wisdom and earnestness. Over a quarter of a century has gone by since discovering Maharaj. Maharaj led me back into root intuition and into the sublime qualities of my own faith.

Interestingly, in recent months Nisargadatta Maharaj has come to my dreams. In the first, He appeared in a doorway. He looked at me, and threw a handful of Religious Icons on the ground, shattering them to pieces. In the second dream, Maharaj, again in a doorway, just stood looking at me. I was moved by his look, and placed my hands on his shoulders. As we stood facing each other, the look became pure Love, and the understanding was clear. I took my leave of him, and when I awoke, it became clear that I should try to teach, and share that Love.

I, like Nisargadatta himself, believed the words of the Guru. But it took an 'event' of awareness to understand with more than the mind. A moment of facing reality; the BIG REALITY, alone. No Guru can come with you, as they are already there! He is not taking you anywhere. He is inviting you to join him, in the most real sense anyone can. But you must be present. You must be willing to join the guru in his freedom. If you expect the guru to touch you into understanding, you need to be ready to let go of ignorance. The guru and the student are not separable from the teaching. Both appear and subside with the teaching. Forget the dream guru. He lives in your mind. He may have powers. They live in the mind as well. Go beyond the mind.

Do not look for a Ramana. Do not look for a Second coming of Christ. Do not seek anything inside the mind. The True Guru is not in the dream world. The kingdom of heaven is within you.