Nebulous Clarity

The oxymoron that titles this blog needs some explanation.

The only way one can express the Absolute is by silence. This makes it a challenge to those who try to teach. When the call comes to teach concerning the Ultimate Understanding, a kind of confusion comes that makes teaching, at first seem impossible. This is often why those who are Awakened either do not teach, or wait a very long time to do so.

After waiting for 20 years, and finding a sense of establishment, I have been trying to encourage others to step into the unknown in this search.

I explain my understanding as Love being your True Nature. Of course, this is not accurate, as the seeker will interpret Love in their own way. The Masters use words like Absolute, or Self to explain theunexplainable. Or they will talk of nothingness, or no-self. None of these things are at all accurate. This is why the early Masters referred to this as neti-neti; not this, not this. Only by describing what something is not, can one come close, as the Absolute is beyond explanation.

I use the word Love, as most of us have a vague idea of love, or at least sadly, the lack of love. ThisLove of which I speak can not be explained as the opposite of hate, or a "feeling" or "emotion", but as the creative force that, not only holds all together, but creates the "objects", and the "flow" between them. This is not a True explanation, but how my mind explained it to "me".

For some years, I struggled with the second verse from Chapter One of the Avadhuta Gita:

How shall I salute the formless Being, indivisible, auspicious, and immutable, who fills all this with His Self and also fills the self with His Self?

I knew "myself" to be one with all. After years of "practice" I was "established" in the "I AM". Still I felt love for God, even as "I" recognized that "God" and "I" were not separate. Silent awareness would bring a response of tearful bliss. How can that be? I asked. How can love exist between two "objects" in this awareness? The answer came as "myself" and "God" vanished, and only Love was left. This was, of course, an answer in my mind. The mind called it Love. It was an explanation I could pass on to others, but not the truth. The Truth is here. I am the Truth, but I can't explain it. I can only be it.This is the meaning of Nebulous Clarity.

When this "happens" all is clear. There are no questions left. No more "seeking". But you can not explain it to others. Moreover, you cannot "explain" it to yourself! It is an understanding without knowledge. It requires the suspension of knowledge, and the suspension of a conclusion. There is nojudgment. There is no labeling. Only silent Awareness, without even an awareness of being aware.Nebulous Clarity.

Some years ago, I saw a play about Oscar Wilde, starring Vincent Price. It was presented as a lecture and talk, as given by Oscar Wilde at the end of his career. At the conclusion he said: "I've lied to you, you know! But you don't know where." This is the problem with the teacher of spirituality. They all "lie". Not in an attempt to fool you, or mislead you, but in an attempt to explain the Nebulous Clarity they live, but can't "explain", even to themselves. For any explanation is false. As soon as it is put into concepts, words, it is false. It can only be, and yet is beyond "being".

A teacher can only give pointers. You must look closely for yourself. Find who seeks, who wants clarity. But don't accept others "explanations", nor those of yourself. If you can "explain" it to yourself, it is false. You must "find" and accept Nebulous Clarity.

Guru - Our "Self" as Guide

Recently I have encountered a number of Posts, here and on other Spiritual sights, relating to "fully enlightened" Gurus. As a Westerner, not established in the Guru Tradition, I have looked into this for decades. What I have found is this:

The Idea of "fully" enlightened tells us, right at the beginning, we see "stages" of enlightenment. This needs some explanation.

Awareness, Enlightenment, Unionwith "God", what ever you call it, or however you characterize it,

happens "all at once". By that, I mean that there is an "event" or movement that brings lasting clarity. The "nature" of this clarity is such that it "changes everything". There is no forgetting it, or going back. But it is an event of great magnitude, no matter how simple the "actual" event may seem. It will take time to become "established".

Just as it takes time, practice and earnest meditation to come to the "conviction" that one is not the body, it takes, maybe

decades, to realize the "Self" once "enlightenment"

"happens". So there are degrees. Just as a child learns to crawl,

then walk, then walk well, one gets used to the "new reality" of

Awareness.

We see a Sage like Ramana Maharshi, or Nisargadatta Maharaj, and tend to assume they are "special". God must be with them constantly, they were born with only "good" Karma, or some extraordinary

event occurred to them. Ramana envisioned his own death. He meditated deeply on a subject most would like to ignore, or dismiss altogether. Through this he saw who he truly was. This is surly going beyond what the "average" person will do, but not extraordinary for a devote seeker. The degree of devotion is what made Ramana "special". His ability to totally give himself to life in any situation, his ability to love unconditionally, was the fruit of his devotion as well as it's "practice".

Nisargadatta Maharaj was a man of limited education, but had spent a long life of devotion and curiosity. When he finally found "his" Guru, it took him only three more years of staying in the

"I AM", to "fully" realize. This was not an "instant" realization. The devotion was deeply rooted. The knowledge was there due to the devotion. Devotion opens the mind, and more importantly, the Soul. When the mind and Soul are open and empty of any "I" thought, the real is uncovered.

I do not perceive the Guru as a "magic" person. Special surely, in the sense that the enlightened are free. Free in their thinking. Free in their behavior. But always Loving and True. The Guru/Student

relationship has to take on the character of a "love" relationship. The Guru realizes from the start that

the "relationship" is already established, and that it is a "one sided" love affair. The Student is there "for a purpose". The Guru is there out of compassion. The Student wants "something". The Guru needs nothing, and wants nothing but the good of the Student. The Guru sees no difference between student/guru. Only the natural flow of compassion. The relationship culminates in the Student's realization that the Student/Guru are one and the same, and then the Guru is no longer needed.

In the Western Church, one "turns oneself over" to God, or God in the person of Christ. This is the

"surrender"; the giving up of one's life. This is symbolically done in ritual, and perhaps in some way of service. It is meant to get us away from ourselves, and build our "trust" in the "other". The Guru

relationship fulfils this place in the East.

The Guru relationship, if it is to be a real one, requires, at some point, the identification of the Guru with God; the Self, or consciousness itself. The Guru wants to bring you to the realization that he is not necessary, that you and he are one, engaging in conversation with itself. The Student, at some point needs to "surrender" to the Guru. Again, the giving up" of one's life. Not for the Guru, or in service to the Guru, but simply for the "giving up".

The Guru simply tells you how to "pull the cord" on the shutters of your "world". You have to pull the cord yourself, and experience and "interpret" what is uncovered by means of your own lights. The Guru enters your dream with words to wake you up. Listen for him.

The deer in the forest. The beggar in the street. The simple Teacher. All can be Guru. Open your heart to Love. Let it be open to all. An open heart is an invitation to an enlightened Guru. Enlightened ones love to converse upon the Absolute. It is their greatest joy. They love you with their words, and worship the Absolute simultaneously. This is the joy of their life.

Open your life. Let everyone in. Learn to love the "unlovable". Give your "self" away. The Guru will arise, and with him, enlightenment. Don't expect. Enjoy surprise.

Who is the Teacher?

There is no question that learning experiences, spiritual or otherwise, can come from anywhere. I have been often asked if a person needs an education, or high intelligence to find Awareness, freedom.

When I am asked this, I think about Jimmy.

Jimmy was a forty-something Developmentally Disabled Man who lived in a Home where I worked with the Mentally challenged in a home setting. Jimmy was perhaps special, as he stood out to me in a particular way. He was dual diagnoses, being both Down's and Autistic. His communication was narrow. He had lived with an over protective mother until she died. She had never let him attend school, or learn handicapped skills. He was nearly blind from her neurotically washing his eyes with peroxide since his birth. He would spend his days, when left on his own, slowly rocking in a chair (it need not be a rocker!), and tearing up small bits of paper.

This may paint a sad picture, but it was not like that. Jimmy would rock and smile. Not just a contented smile, but a smile of Joy. He would hum to himself in a chant-like manner, and it was not hard to see what was happening; Jimmy was almost constantly in samadhi.

This is something I have often found among Autistic People in particular. They live in a different place. Their attention is drawn inside themselves. Of course, much is done to "help" Autistic people, as it was for Jimmy. But does it help? And more important, is there understanding?

Jimmy went to "school" every day. This was a place where he was "looked after", and an attempt was made to teach him a "trade". Jimmy, being "low functioning", was being taught to sort beads, by color and size. This was something Jimmy found boring, and if the opportunity arose, he would soon be tearing up any small scraps of paper he could find. This troubled his psychologist to no end. Jimmy was to be "kept away from paper of any kind". If Jimmy would not leave a particular chair he was "rocking" in, he was to be "pulled out forcibly". My partner and I did not agree with this philosophy, and continued to observe Jimmy, and become friends with him.

Jimmy was very affectionate, and when given the opportunity, he would hug as many people as he could. He would also kiss, on the cheek, a few select people who he particularly cherished. Jimmy was full of love. It was interesting, because when you gave Jimmy a picture of something he liked, like flowers or small animals, he would hold onto them for a short while, tearing only the outer edges. Slowly he would work his way inward until the picture was gone.

It was like watching the Guru, sitting, rocking and chanting in silent meditation, slowly letting thoughts pass by, enjoying them momentarily, and then dismissing them in the tear of a sheet of paper. His smile would let you know he knew what he was doing, and it was obviously for you.

This, doing things for others benefit, is such an important work, but is often missed by people trying to "help", or simply not willing to "see" what is before them. People often ask, "why did those parent's innocent baby die in it's sleep?". Or "Why has my child, or my husband been afflicted or passed away? or any number of similar "why" questions. The answer, while not relieving the pain of loss, offers an explanation. They are lessons. It is said, "Touch the wing of a Butterfly, and move a Star." All things are connected. All happens as part of the unfolding of the one. Jimmy was there to teach. Not in a conventional way, but by being a demonstration.

Maybe someday they will teach Jimmy to sort beads. Maybe they will be proud of themselves, that they "tore" him away from his world long enough to do something "useful". But they are unlikely to learn from what they see, as their minds are clouded by what they think they want, to see what already exists.

The whole scenario is a lesson; Awareness, Peace, sit quietly, and dismiss the "paper" ideas and images, while the "world" tries to get our attention, and "pull" us away by distraction after distraction.

Sit quietly. Rock if it feels right. Let the ideas pass through, "tearing" them as useless, as they pass by.

This is the Teaching of Guru Jimmy.

NOTE: Since my days working with the Developmentally Disabled, a number of studies have been done looking into the Spirituality of the Autistic in particular. There seems to be a fascinating link. It is so very wonderful to know that all of us, no matter how constructed, have a divine purpose.